Hi all. This was an interesting discussion! I finally heard back from the agency today, and they said that they didn't think she would be a good fit.

Obviously, I'm getting a second-hand report, but the agency woman said that when she talked to the candidate originally, she (the candidate) made it clear she was a born-again Christian, but thought she could "mute" her feelings at work. In subsequent conversations after the interview, it appeared that she really couldn't manage it.

I'm disappointed in some ways because she was so well credentialed and had such good energy about her, but I think this could have gotten very uncomfortable for all of us. She actually invited us to a Christian/Jew (her terms) church event right at the end of her interview, which was what made me want to raise the issue with the agency in the first place.

Hopefully a better fit comes along soon!

Is there any way if she ends up being one of your finalist candidates that YOU could have this conversation with her directly (in person) and see how she answers it? Because who knows how the agency person is going to ask it, based one whatever his/her biases are to even the concept of the question.

I am an atheist and feel the opposite - I keep that a deep secret from most people because for those who are religious, this deeply hurts them to their soul and they can't get over it. They "know" I'm going to burn, won't get eternal life, go to heaven, etc - and hearing that from someone with whom you work gets VERY tiring. I believe what I believe, you believe what you believe, and that's it.

So this nanny would not be on my finalists because she mentioned God so many times (because that would be a trigger for me). For others she would be chosen as the nanny BECAUSE she mentioned God. There are, truly, other wonderful nannies who won't discuss religion in their first interview, other than to ask something like "I'm Christian, you're Jewish - if you want me to discuss and talk about Passover, etc just educate me about how you want me to do it, and I'll do it!"

But that's me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not even give consideration to this job. I do not wear my religion on my sleeve but my faith in God is strong and I do not want to be this closely involved with people who have no belief in a power no higher than themselves.

+1

It would just be hard to NOT talk about God with the kids (even just occasionally or when they have questions or whatever) when He is such a huge part of my life. My nanny family right now is not necessarily Christian but they allow me to share my ideas of faith and God with the kids (and MB and I have even had some 'deep' conversations!).

OP here: This is what I am not interested in. I do understand it, and respect it, but I completed my religious soul-searching years ago, and the topic kind of exhausts me. I no longer have it in me to have lengthy conversations on the topic. I also totally understand that for someone for whom this is a deep, meaningful part of their lives, it's important and extremely interesting, and would probably feel like being rebuffed as a person if someone didn't want to talk about it. That would be an awful situation for both of us.

Anyway, the interview was Thursday, I contacted the agency on Friday, and I have heard nothing since. So, still waiting to see where our candidate falls in this discussion!

Anonymous wrote:No, I would not even give consideration to this job. I do not wear my religion on my sleeve but my faith in God is strong and I do not want to be this closely involved with people who have no belief in a power no higher than themselves.

+1

It would just be hard to NOT talk about God with the kids (even just occasionally or when they have questions or whatever) when He is such a huge part of my life. My nanny family right now is not necessarily Christian but they allow me to share my ideas of faith and God with the kids (and MB and I have even had some 'deep' conversations!).

Anonymous wrote:I am a nanny and I am an atheist. Usually I've worked for families who were atheists as well, or at most agnostic, or made no mention of their religion to me, but one of my very first jobs was for a religious family (like, say grace before meals, church on Sundays, Sunday school for kids, let's ask Jesus where the toy car'a gone, the whole thing) and it made me uncomfortable quite a lot, simply because the mom answered DD's questions of why it's raining with "The Lord is sad that's why" on a daily basis, and hearing it made my science major brain cry. Especially once it was somehow established I did not believe I was made of rib of Adam, I started getting a lot of slightly passive aggressive "oh you wouldn't understand because you haven't been brought up in faith". It wasn't even meant maliciously, I don't think - I truly believe she was just sad for me. So I quit - for other reasons as well, but this was a big part of it, too.

So basically what I'm saying if either party pushes their views it might get uncomfortable fast.

We were brought up being told thunder was God going bowling, but it doesn't mean I don't know how thunder is created.

Anonymous wrote:I think it depends on what type of faith she has. If she is an Evangelical Christian (several denominations fall into this category.), an important practice of her faith could be to speak about Jesus, the Bible, and spread that message to as many people as she can. If that is the case, it will be difficult for her to refrain from religious speak. Also if that's the case, she will see your family as people who need to be "saved."
IF that's the case.

In the other hand, I describe myself as a very religious Catholic. I like a saying by St. Francis, "preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary use words." I often think about God through my day, and my faith steers many of my actions. But I don't feel I need to be speaking about Jesus in order to be living my faith, especially at work.

I hope you come back, OP, and let us know how this turns out. Interesting discussion.

As someone who would fall under your "Evangelical" umbrella, I do not fully agree with your statement. Yes, while I believe all people should be saved, I know not everyone wants to be and I know it is not appropriate to talk about my faith at work. I also believe one's actions speak louder than words. Faith should be lived out in actions, not empty words.

MB here. I actually think this is a significant issue OP and it's something we kept in mind when hiring a nanny.

For people for whom faith is a central and significant part of their life, especially if they reference it routinely as a guiding force, I think this is an important question.

It sounds like your family and the nanny have fairly different spiritual beliefs, and likely live those values in various ways throughout the year. Given how much this candidate referenced her faith during a professional interview I would not expect her to keep silent about those things during the day on the job. I think you need to consider carefully whether you are comfortable having those beliefs expressed in your home routinely. I'm not saying she'd proselytize - but a person who lives their faith fairly outwardly cannot comfortably suppress that. I don't even think it would be fair to ask.

And, if you hire her, I think you're need to do so knowing that there is a good chance you (and she) will feel some level of discomfort at the fit given the religious difference.

Maybe it won't be significant discomfort, but maybe it will. Maybe it would be great for your kids to have that exposure or maybe you'll always be worried/bothered by it. And - of course - maybe the nanny won't want to work in an environment where her doesn't feel she can express/live her faith the way she wants.

Basically, I think this is a major issue and it would be a deal-breaker in my house. I would assume that given the way you describe this nanny talking about her faith, that it's a big part of her life and would be part of my kids' lives to some extent as well. If that faith differed from what we live in our house then it would be a bad fit.

Thank you everyone.

OP here: She seemed like a very professional, wonderful nanny. Her religious involvement is not a major issue for us, since I would assume she would not bring religion in if we asked her not to.

My concern was that *she* might find this a bad fit, but that perhaps she hadn't thought about that. During the interview it was clear that she understood we are a different religion, but afterward it occurred to me that she probably thought that is was more a difference of *type* of religion than it was of degree of religiousness.

I imagine that what would be natural for her, for example, would be to talk about God if something came up for the kids (a death or serious illness in the family, difficulties with friends/at school, etc.), and that she might feel like she has to constantly censor herself.

Since she had already left by the time I was able to really put all this into some kind of coherent thought, I couldn't bring it up with her at the time, and then I thought maybe I was overthinking it anyway and should just let it go. But, then I thought for some nannies it might end up feeling like a big mismatch in terms of values and approach to child-rearing, and we of course want a nanny who feels like she is a good fit for our family on her end as well.

So, I emailed the agency, and I'm hoping they'll bring up the issue with her and give her some time to think about it.

This is where I think you are overthinking it. She absolutely should censor herself in situations where she might be want to talk about God. This is her job. Religious beliefs are deeply personal and have no business in any workplace. Even among evangelicals, and I know many of them, it is completely unprofessional to discuss God on the job.

It is nice that you are worried about her comfort, albeit kind of mystifying, but there is little you can do beyond stressing that matters of religion and faith are private, family matters and that you don't wish it to be discussed with your kids. Be nice, but explicit and ask her upfront if that would make the job uncomfortable for her. If so, then you should both pass on each other. However, if she says she is comfortable and has no problem leaving religion out of her job, then you should trust her word, and hire her.

I am a nanny and I am an atheist. Usually I've worked for families who were atheists as well, or at most agnostic, or made no mention of their religion to me, but one of my very first jobs was for a religious family (like, say grace before meals, church on Sundays, Sunday school for kids, let's ask Jesus where the toy car'a gone, the whole thing) and it made me uncomfortable quite a lot, simply because the mom answered DD's questions of why it's raining with "The Lord is sad that's why" on a daily basis, and hearing it made my science major brain cry. Especially once it was somehow established I did not believe I was made of rib of Adam, I started getting a lot of slightly passive aggressive "oh you wouldn't understand because you haven't been brought up in faith". It wasn't even meant maliciously, I don't think - I truly believe she was just sad for me. So I quit - for other reasons as well, but this was a big part of it, too.

So basically what I'm saying if either party pushes their views it might get uncomfortable fast.

I think it depends on what type of faith she has. If she is an Evangelical Christian (several denominations fall into this category.), an important practice of her faith could be to speak about Jesus, the Bible, and spread that message to as many people as she can. If that is the case, it will be difficult for her to refrain from religious speak. Also if that's the case, she will see your family as people who need to be "saved."
IF that's the case.

In the other hand, I describe myself as a very religious Catholic. I like a saying by St. Francis, "preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary use words." I often think about God through my day, and my faith steers many of my actions. But I don't feel I need to be speaking about Jesus in order to be living my faith, especially at work.

I hope you come back, OP, and let us know how this turns out. Interesting discussion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you. It's interesting that the two of you posted, because these were the two positions I could imagine a nanny having.

We are the family: secular, liberal Jews, and we interviewed a wonderful nanny who referenced prayer, her church, and religious guidance several times.

I think I will ask the agency to raise this issue with her since she might be more honest with them about her feelings. We are not at all hostile to her beliefs, but I can also understand how it might get difficult to leave such a big part of her life out of her day-to-day work. I imagine it would be easier in a company or a large school, but in the intimate setting of a home it could feel like a burden. I'll leave it up to her.

OP, I'm 15:03 and I am not a nanny and I worked in an international org. with Jews. Muslims, and many other religions and we never brought up religion. Your original post is misleading because you are not atheist. You are a liberal Jew but you, apparently, do believe in a higher power than yourself.

NP. Your previous post was misleading because you aren't a nanny.

Thank you everyone.

OP here: She seemed like a very professional, wonderful nanny. Her religious involvement is not a major issue for us, since I would assume she would not bring religion in if we asked her not to.

My concern was that *she* might find this a bad fit, but that perhaps she hadn't thought about that. During the interview it was clear that she understood we are a different religion, but afterward it occurred to me that she probably thought that is was more a difference of *type* of religion than it was of degree of religiousness.

I imagine that what would be natural for her, for example, would be to talk about God if something came up for the kids (a death or serious illness in the family, difficulties with friends/at school, etc.), and that she might feel like she has to constantly censor herself.

Since she had already left by the time I was able to really put all this into some kind of coherent thought, I couldn't bring it up with her at the time, and then I thought maybe I was overthinking it anyway and should just let it go. But, then I thought for some nannies it might end up feeling like a big mismatch in terms of values and approach to child-rearing, and we of course want a nanny who feels like she is a good fit for our family on her end as well.

So, I emailed the agency, and I'm hoping they'll bring up the issue with her and give her some time to think about it.

I am very religious and I do slightly prefer to work with families of the same faith, because in those families I can (with parent permission of course) discuss religious beliefs as they enter into our daily lives--e.g., I lost my wallet on and outing yesterday and MB told me that the kids wanted to pray that an honest person would find and return it. I also like that I can sing hymns as lullabyes as I know a lot of them and they are among my favorite songs.

That said, I bring religion up only if I already know the family's stance, and have had no problem working with those of very different religions, or no particular religion at all. I would regard it as a red flag that she is bringing it up, because that says to me that her attitude is "I am Christian and I need you to know how much I talk about it, because this is how much I plan to talk about it with your kids."

Personally, I would be fearful the nanny would try to in doctrine your children.

Absolutely not.

I am a nanny and have worked with many different families.

Not ONE has addressed religion and that is what works best for me.

My job is to nurture, educate and care for their child.

Not to teach them about Christ/Allah/Jehovah, etc.

Not my place.