Anonymous
08/15/2014 13:06
Subject: Need help processing incident with nanny
I am not sure the ages of your children, but I would sit down w/them and have a serious heart to heart w/them. Let them know that their behavior is UNACCEPTABLE.
The way they act around other adults is that they need to respect them and that they need to listen to them and follow their instructions. No exceptions.
Sure, children can have bad days and all of that, but the bottom line is that they are to treat other adults w/utmost respect at all times. This is non-negotiable. If they do not, and your nanny has to bring them home early, then there should be repercussions at home as well by the parents.
That is what I would do if these were my children.
Kids need to be taught that they cannot just walk all over adults just because they are having a bad day.
Their nanny is the one in charge and she is the one that has the final say in any and everything...not the kids.
The way they act around other adults is that they need to respect them and that they need to listen to them and follow their instructions. No exceptions.
Sure, children can have bad days and all of that, but the bottom line is that they are to treat other adults w/utmost respect at all times. This is non-negotiable. If they do not, and your nanny has to bring them home early, then there should be repercussions at home as well by the parents.
That is what I would do if these were my children.
Kids need to be taught that they cannot just walk all over adults just because they are having a bad day.
Their nanny is the one in charge and she is the one that has the final say in any and everything...not the kids.
Anonymous
08/15/2014 00:08
Subject: Re:Need help processing incident with nanny
I think you handled the situation well and your nanny will probably be "over it", as will your children, when she returns. We all have our breaking points. Maybe your nanny has something going on in her personal life that has upped her stress level and you're unaware. I wouldn't worry too much about your kids behavior - I'd take whining, fighting, demanding any day. I've been hit, kicked, bitten, and spit at by my charges before. Behavior challenges are difficult!
Anonymous
08/14/2014 14:02
Subject: Need help processing incident with nanny
I am a nanny and have bad days with kids as well but definitely don't make the parent feel bad about it! Maybe the kids were acting up a bit Bc she isn't with them regularly or they were testing boundaries and being demanding. Everyone has a bad day, I wouldn't let it bother you too much! Maybe the summer babysitter will decide on another occupation next summer!
Anonymous
08/14/2014 12:04
Subject: Need help processing incident with nanny
Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound very empathetic, very kind, and very thoughtful. Your summer sitter sounds young and inexperienced, and not especially confident in managing/handling the range of normal kid behavior. Your kids (at just the bit you've said) sound like they perhaps need some more regular, firm, and enforced limits and clear consequences for their behavior.
I have toddlers. My best reasoning, logic, empathy, etc... frequently fail in the face of emotional childish behavior. What works is less talk, more consequences, more direct action, etc...
So what I'm trying to suggest is a lot less "processing" with everyone and a lot more structure. Give the people watching your kids a system of expectations and consequences that the kids are accustomed to, will respect and that's based on what works for them and what you do every day in your home.
More structure and discipline will make your kids easier to manage and give a caregiver more options and support.
Failing that, hire someone with more experience who will know how to implement these things with your kids.
+1. I agree with PPs who have said your sitter sounds young and inexperienced. I realize that she may be sweet and kind and fun with the kids but most experienced nannies would not get so overwhelmed by 1 bad day. I don't know the age range of your children but I also have 3 little ones. My oldest is 4 and my youngest is only 6 months. I am actually complimented often about how polite they are but they also have bad days and my nanny doesn't melt down over it. My 4 year old has been known to say "I need you to come here now." Generally I respond with "is that how you are supposed to talk to me? If you want me to do x you need to say it nicely." 95% of the time he will then ask me nicely if I can "please help him with x."
Anonymous
08/14/2014 10:42
Subject: Need help processing incident with nanny
Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound very empathetic, very kind, and very thoughtful. Your summer sitter sounds young and inexperienced, and not especially confident in managing/handling the range of normal kid behavior. Your kids (at just the bit you've said) sound like they perhaps need some more regular, firm, and enforced limits and clear consequences for their behavior.
I have toddlers. My best reasoning, logic, empathy, etc... frequently fail in the face of emotional childish behavior. What works is less talk, more consequences, more direct action, etc...
So what I'm trying to suggest is a lot less "processing" with everyone and a lot more structure. Give the people watching your kids a system of expectations and consequences that the kids are accustomed to, will respect and that's based on what works for them and what you do every day in your home.
More structure and discipline will make your kids easier to manage and give a caregiver more options and support.
Failing that, hire someone with more experience who will know how to implement these things with your kids.
Thanks for this response, I really appreciate it. They do need more structure and more consistent limit setting and consequences.
Anonymous
08/14/2014 10:34
Subject: Need help processing incident with nanny
OP, you sound very empathetic, very kind, and very thoughtful. Your summer sitter sounds young and inexperienced, and not especially confident in managing/handling the range of normal kid behavior. Your kids (at just the bit you've said) sound like they perhaps need some more regular, firm, and enforced limits and clear consequences for their behavior.
I have toddlers. My best reasoning, logic, empathy, etc... frequently fail in the face of emotional childish behavior. What works is less talk, more consequences, more direct action, etc...
So what I'm trying to suggest is a lot less "processing" with everyone and a lot more structure. Give the people watching your kids a system of expectations and consequences that the kids are accustomed to, will respect and that's based on what works for them and what you do every day in your home.
More structure and discipline will make your kids easier to manage and give a caregiver more options and support.
Failing that, hire someone with more experience who will know how to implement these things with your kids.
I have toddlers. My best reasoning, logic, empathy, etc... frequently fail in the face of emotional childish behavior. What works is less talk, more consequences, more direct action, etc...
So what I'm trying to suggest is a lot less "processing" with everyone and a lot more structure. Give the people watching your kids a system of expectations and consequences that the kids are accustomed to, will respect and that's based on what works for them and what you do every day in your home.
More structure and discipline will make your kids easier to manage and give a caregiver more options and support.
Failing that, hire someone with more experience who will know how to implement these things with your kids.