Stop obmitting and overthinking. if they ask what you're doing this weekend than tell the truth. if you live an area that is not accepting than move. you will never be happy there anyways. if your employers are unaccepting and fire you than consider it a blessing that you no longer have to work for them. Do you really want to stay working for people like that? The only time you should be obmitting is if you are in danger of abuse and at that point you know for certain that you need to leave. You are holding on to fear and thats not healthy. Fear of losing a job, fear of being rejected. You need to find it within yourself the strength to face these fears and just be you because in the end all you have is yourself. For everyone who rejects there are two others who will accept you. Surround yourself with people who accept you, don't hold on to those who expect you to be something you are not. Remmeber money, jobs, friends, family come and go for many reasons and that shouldnt prevent you from living a full happy life.

MB here.

I'm sorry, OP, that you are living in a place where you still have to lie and be afraid of who you love. That's unacceptable to me.

Our nanny did not come out to us in any formal way. She just started to refer to her girlfriend now and then when discussing weekend plans or something...I really don't remember. It's a nonissue for us, and over the years, she has brought her girlfriend to DD's birthday and other events (before anyone starts to worry, when our nanny comes to DD's events it is as a guest and she does not work).

Of course, we live in DC, and my DD knows families with two moms, two dads, one mom, one dad, a grandma and a cousin, moms and step moms...all kinds of combinations. I like that she has those experiences and makes no assumptions, even at age five, about who people love and how they live.

Anonymous wrote:DS' former nanny is gay. I think she knew we would be accepting of it since one day she asked about one of the pictures on the mantle and I said it was my brother and his husband at their wedding.

A year or so after that we were going to a destination wedding and had asked her if she wanted to come along to watch DS for the rehearsal dinner/reception (he was the ring bearer but would not be attending reception because it was so late) and said since we were going down for 6 days and she'd only be needed 2 days, we asked if she wanted to bring someone with her (obviously all on our dime). The next day she said she'd loved to go but needed to be honest about something. Which is when she told us she was gay and wondered if it was ok to bring her girlfriend. She did and we all had a fantastic time.

OP here. What a lovely story! It's nice to know that there are a lot of decent people out there, and I am sure your nanny felt relieved she didn't have to hide half her life from you anymore.

OP here.

PP with the link, wow, and I thought I got negative replies! Are you still with that same family you mentioned in the post? Have you come out to them?

http://www.dcurbanmom.com/nanny-forum/posts/list/284985.page#3023011

I had similar concerns when I posted this...

DS' former nanny is gay. I think she knew we would be accepting of it since one day she asked about one of the pictures on the mantle and I said it was my brother and his husband at their wedding.

A year or so after that we were going to a destination wedding and had asked her if she wanted to come along to watch DS for the rehearsal dinner/reception (he was the ring bearer but would not be attending reception because it was so late) and said since we were going down for 6 days and she'd only be needed 2 days, we asked if she wanted to bring someone with her (obviously all on our dime). The next day she said she'd loved to go but needed to be honest about something. Which is when she told us she was gay and wondered if it was ok to bring her girlfriend. She did and we all had a fantastic time.

OP, if you want to test the waters come to work one morning and mention to your boss "I just found out my good friend is gay and I'd had no idea. She has a girlfriend and everything!" and then see if her response is "Well good for her!" or "Ugh, that's so gross!"

That'll tell you how to proceed.

FWIW, I'm a MB, I think my nanny might be bi, and don't spend time thinking about it or care if that's the case.

Anonymous wrote:This is exactly it. I have never gone out of my way to come out, but it feels like a lie ( because it is) when my boss asks me what I am doing on the weekend and I have to omit huge parts of it, or when I feel like I have to say I live with a roommate rather than my girlfriend. I'm not sure why it is so hard for some of the people here to understand that it is not about wanting your boss to know your personal business as much as it is just not wanting to have to lie all of the time.

OP here. Yes, all of that, exactly. Constantly omitting things and adjusting things eats away at you and makes you feel like a liar, because in the general meaning of the word you are a liar.