That is not a play date. I do play dates three days a week with my charge with a mix of nannies and parents. Always, every child has an adult present with them, they play, we supervise and are responsible for our kids. What your nanny did was babysitting and she needs to be paid for it. However, I understand your not wanting to make it a big deal. Rather then telling him he has to pay inform him what her rates are anytime a child is left with her unattended. Also explain that she is paid at pickup. Finally, ask your nanny how often she wants to do it, discuss your comfort level too. Next time he asks, she can say "yes we do play dates every other Friday", for example.

When I take care of my charges cousins while they are visiting I get paid by their parents because I am babysitting. If everyone is home then I don't get paid extra. That is fair.

I would ask your nanny how often she is willing to have the neighbor kids over for an UNPAID play date. Then go to your neighbor, and tell him kindly, that his kids are welcome to come over to play X times per month, but after that he will need to pay your nanny $Y per hour for her time and care.

Tell him that you know he would never take advantage of your nanny being willing to help him out, but that you feel strongly that she must be paid extra to care for extra children.

Make yourself the "bad guy", make sure nanny knows to expect $Y/hour if neighbor has her babysit more than X times a month, and if neighbor ever "forgets" to pay, you then remind him he owes nanny money and needs to pay her before asking her to work for him again.

Given what you've said (and your nanny's perspective) I would thank her, give her a gift card or something, talk to your neighbor so it doesn't happen routinely, and let her know that you talked to him.

Maybe also talk through w/ her a strategy for how to handle it if it does become a recurrent issue so she has a way to say no if she wants to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First she says she was fine with it, and then she tells you she felt like she didn't have a choice.

She sounds a bit like a Cinderella nanny with a weak spine.

I don't think it's that hard to imagine feeling both ways - not that big of a deal, but something that seemed a little odd.

Exactly.

How rude of your neighbor!!

I would speak to him ASAP and let him know that as a child-care provider, your nanny provided him a service and that she is entitled to be compensated for it.

I would ask him to please compensate my nanny for watching the children at what he normally pays his regular sitter.

If he refuses, I would let your nanny know that you did in fact discuss the matter w/him and that if he ever puts her in this position again, that she has every right to refuse him.

Anonymous wrote:What is with the use of the "Cinderella nanny" put-down?

+100

Annoying and nonsensical.

It was grossly inappropriate of your neighbor and you should tell him. You should also tell him that he is never to do this again. Ask him to give you the money and you give it to n nanny. He is a jerk

Anonymous wrote:She ended up with the prince so I think she did just fine.

I doubt OP's nanny will be finding any pot of gold out of this gig. Do you think?

Of course it is a nice gesture to give her a gift card. It will certainly be appreciated. I would also talk with the neighbor. Make sure that it is coming from you and doesn't come across as though the nanny was complaining to you about it.