nannydebsays
06/25/2014 15:33
Subject: Keep or fire?
This can be solved in 3 steps, OP.
Discuss what happened with your nanny. If you want her eyes on your child at all times, tell her that is what you expect. Let her know what you want, and be crystal clear.
Go to the nearest Home Depot. Buy hotel style door latches that prevent anyone from opening the door when they are engaged. Install them 1 foot higher than your tallest child can reach when standing on a chair. Use them. All the time.
Talk to your child with your nanny. Emphasize that he never is allowed to open the door without one of his grownups at his side. Tell him another 56,739,281 times until he remembers, and skids to a halt while running to answer the door. Praise him for remembering the rule.
Discuss what happened with your nanny. If you want her eyes on your child at all times, tell her that is what you expect. Let her know what you want, and be crystal clear.
Go to the nearest Home Depot. Buy hotel style door latches that prevent anyone from opening the door when they are engaged. Install them 1 foot higher than your tallest child can reach when standing on a chair. Use them. All the time.
Talk to your child with your nanny. Emphasize that he never is allowed to open the door without one of his grownups at his side. Tell him another 56,739,281 times until he remembers, and skids to a halt while running to answer the door. Praise him for remembering the rule.
Anonymous
06/25/2014 07:17
Subject: Keep or fire?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a nanny and a mother I'm on board with those saying its your child who needs disciplined. I absolutely expected my (as the time 3 year old) to be able to hang out by herself downstairs while I put her little brother down for his naps and when I got him up and changed. We've always had door alarms so I would know if she tried to go out, but she also would have been in big trouble because at 3 she should no not to open doors.
Lots of kids KNOW the rules that they break. Did your son know not to throw toys, too? But I be the did sometimes, right? For some kids, opening the door and wandering off is the rule that they forget, ignore, or test frequently. In those cases an alarm and an above-the-door lock is important. DS might KNOW that he's not allowed to open the door, but look the neighbor's puppy is in the yard and he IS allowed to pet the dog..."and omg look at the puppy it's licking my hand!..." Kids learn to follow rules gradddddually. 16 year olds know not to speed, but they still do it. We are talking about the real world here and how to keep kids safe in it, not some magical world where children obey every rule every minute after being told once. (But if you have directions there I'd love to take a peek.)
+1. My 4 year old knows he shouldn't drink the cleaning products under the kitchen sink but if I left the cabinet unlocked and he got into it would you blame the child and say he should know better? It's fine to say the 3 yo should be disciplined for walking out of the house but the nanny should also know that a 3.5 year old doesn't always follow rules and needs to keep a better eye on him in a safe environment. By that I mean that it's ok to leave him downstairs for a few minutes while she goes upstairs but ONLY if she's made sure it is safe for him there and that means making sure the door is locked and he can't get out.
OP, if your nanny is showing the proper remorse I probably wouldn't fire her but let her know she needs to be more careful. Chances are she feels terrible and will be EXTRA careful in the future. We had a previous nanny who once accidentally gave DC too much baby motrin. It was purely an accident but she blew it off like it wasn't a big deal. We fired her that day because I wasn't comfortable that it wouldn't happen again. Several years ago our current nanny was playing outside with DC when he had just learned to walk. He wasn't stable and I warned her to be careful and hold his hand. Well, she didn't and he fell and got a big goose egg and scrape on his forehead. She felt so horrible I knew it would never ever happen again. She's been with us for several years now and I feel completely comfortable and trust her completely.
Kids fall. That's what they do. You would have fired your nanny because your toddler fell?
Anonymous
06/25/2014 03:39
Subject: Keep or fire?
Even as parents, we have made some negligent mistakes.
This is a tough call OP.
As a parent, I would give the nanny a stern warning and ask her directly if she really thinks she is competent enough to handle two small children. Because handling two small children is no easy task. Ask her to think long and hard before she gives you a straight answer.
If she says yes, then you can keep her on, but in your mind, keep her on a probationary period for the next few months. See how everything works out.
If I were her, I would try double-hard to please you as your nanny and make a huge effort to go above and beyond my childcare duties. See if she makes an extra effort.
Obviously, if another incident occurs, she is out the door immediately.
This is a tough call OP.
As a parent, I would give the nanny a stern warning and ask her directly if she really thinks she is competent enough to handle two small children. Because handling two small children is no easy task. Ask her to think long and hard before she gives you a straight answer.
If she says yes, then you can keep her on, but in your mind, keep her on a probationary period for the next few months. See how everything works out.
If I were her, I would try double-hard to please you as your nanny and make a huge effort to go above and beyond my childcare duties. See if she makes an extra effort.
Obviously, if another incident occurs, she is out the door immediately.
Anonymous
06/24/2014 08:11
Subject: Keep or fire?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:As a nanny and a mother I'm on board with those saying its your child who needs disciplined. I absolutely expected my (as the time 3 year old) to be able to hang out by herself downstairs while I put her little brother down for his naps and when I got him up and changed. We've always had door alarms so I would know if she tried to go out, but she also would have been in big trouble because at 3 she should no not to open doors.
Lots of kids KNOW the rules that they break. Did your son know not to throw toys, too? But I be the did sometimes, right? For some kids, opening the door and wandering off is the rule that they forget, ignore, or test frequently. In those cases an alarm and an above-the-door lock is important. DS might KNOW that he's not allowed to open the door, but look the neighbor's puppy is in the yard and he IS allowed to pet the dog..."and omg look at the puppy it's licking my hand!..." Kids learn to follow rules gradddddually. 16 year olds know not to speed, but they still do it. We are talking about the real world here and how to keep kids safe in it, not some magical world where children obey every rule every minute after being told once. (But if you have directions there I'd love to take a peek.)
+1. My 4 year old knows he shouldn't drink the cleaning products under the kitchen sink but if I left the cabinet unlocked and he got into it would you blame the child and say he should know better? It's fine to say the 3 yo should be disciplined for walking out of the house but the nanny should also know that a 3.5 year old doesn't always follow rules and needs to keep a better eye on him in a safe environment. By that I mean that it's ok to leave him downstairs for a few minutes while she goes upstairs but ONLY if she's made sure it is safe for him there and that means making sure the door is locked and he can't get out.
OP, if your nanny is showing the proper remorse I probably wouldn't fire her but let her know she needs to be more careful. Chances are she feels terrible and will be EXTRA careful in the future. We had a previous nanny who once accidentally gave DC too much baby motrin. It was purely an accident but she blew it off like it wasn't a big deal. We fired her that day because I wasn't comfortable that it wouldn't happen again. Several years ago our current nanny was playing outside with DC when he had just learned to walk. He wasn't stable and I warned her to be careful and hold his hand. Well, she didn't and he fell and got a big goose egg and scrape on his forehead. She felt so horrible I knew it would never ever happen again. She's been with us for several years now and I feel completely comfortable and trust her completely.
Anonymous
06/24/2014 00:56
Subject: Keep or fire?
Anonymous wrote:As a nanny and a mother I'm on board with those saying its your child who needs disciplined. I absolutely expected my (as the time 3 year old) to be able to hang out by herself downstairs while I put her little brother down for his naps and when I got him up and changed. We've always had door alarms so I would know if she tried to go out, but she also would have been in big trouble because at 3 she should no not to open doors.
Lots of kids KNOW the rules that they break. Did your son know not to throw toys, too? But I be the did sometimes, right? For some kids, opening the door and wandering off is the rule that they forget, ignore, or test frequently. In those cases an alarm and an above-the-door lock is important. DS might KNOW that he's not allowed to open the door, but look the neighbor's puppy is in the yard and he IS allowed to pet the dog..."and omg look at the puppy it's licking my hand!..." Kids learn to follow rules gradddddually. 16 year olds know not to speed, but they still do it. We are talking about the real world here and how to keep kids safe in it, not some magical world where children obey every rule every minute after being told once. (But if you have directions there I'd love to take a peek.)
Anonymous
06/23/2014 21:24
Subject: Keep or fire?
MB here. my toddler did the same thing recently. it was terrifying, but could happen to anyone. i think the bigger thing is how the nanny handled it....did she get defensive or apologize? i think accepting responsibility and learning from the mistake is important.
Anonymous
06/23/2014 20:59
Subject: Keep or fire?
Anonymous wrote:Nanny was upstairs with my younger child when my preschooler opened the front door and walked out. Neighbors were playing outside and kept her til nanny came down 5 or 10 minutes later. This is a pretty egregious oversight, but I am trying to decide where it falls on the negligence scale. Door was accidentally not locked from when they came in earlier. Nanny was appropriately upset and apologetic and nothing worse happened but I am unsure how to proceed. I don't know if the trust is just broken. She has only been with us for a few months after we had to switch out of a nanny share. Please help me process this. Would you be able to keep her on? Prior to this, I thought we were thrilled with her.
Be more compassionate with your nanny please.
Anonymous
06/23/2014 20:48
Subject: Keep or fire?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Good heavens the helicopter caregivers are out en masse toda. Jeez, a three and a half year old should be able to stay on a separate floor, unattended, long enough to change a diaper or lay a baby in bed. If not, then you have bigger problems on your hands than an unlocked door. You need to teach your kid boundaries STAT. that means you NEVER open the door, including the car door, unless an adult is right there with you saying it's OK. I'd start by disciplining the kid, honestly.
This. You are all nuts. A 3.5 year old should be able to be by himself for a few minutes, and know enough not to walk out the house. You need to start teaching your kid some boundaries OP.
Agreed. I frequently leave my 3.5 year old charge alone to put the baby down for a nap, change a diaper, or go to the bathroom myself. My sister's kids (2 and 4) are encouraged to play up in their rooms or down in the basement while she's doing something on a different floor of the house. Kids should be able to play independently for short periods of time without a nanny worrying about being fired for it.
Anonymous
06/23/2014 20:45
Subject: Keep or fire?
As a nanny and a mother I'm on board with those saying its your child who needs disciplined. I absolutely expected my (as the time 3 year old) to be able to hang out by herself downstairs while I put her little brother down for his naps and when I got him up and changed. We've always had door alarms so I would know if she tried to go out, but she also would have been in big trouble because at 3 she should no not to open doors.
Anonymous
06/23/2014 19:47
Subject: Keep or fire?
You need door alarms. Seriously.
I've been a nanny for a very longtime and there have been several times a door alarm has alerted me to a little escape artist. This happened to a previous MB of mine. Her 3.5 year old walked to his neighbors house while she was helping another child upstairs. She didn't realize it unil they called. It happens.
She has learned her lesson. To be completely honest, a 3.5 year old child should absolutely know not to go outside without permission.
I've been a nanny for a very longtime and there have been several times a door alarm has alerted me to a little escape artist. This happened to a previous MB of mine. Her 3.5 year old walked to his neighbors house while she was helping another child upstairs. She didn't realize it unil they called. It happens.
She has learned her lesson. To be completely honest, a 3.5 year old child should absolutely know not to go outside without permission.
Anonymous
06/23/2014 19:18
Subject: Re:Keep or fire?
I honestly don't know, OP. Do you leave your child alone downstairs for five or ten minutes at a time? If the nanny had locked the door and the child was fine would you be upset that the child was alone for that length of time on a separate floor?
I can guarantee you one thing - that nanny will never make that mistake again!
I can guarantee you one thing - that nanny will never make that mistake again!
Anonymous
06/23/2014 19:08
Subject: Keep or fire?
Anonymous wrote:Good heavens the helicopter caregivers are out en masse toda. Jeez, a three and a half year old should be able to stay on a separate floor, unattended, long enough to change a diaper or lay a baby in bed. If not, then you have bigger problems on your hands than an unlocked door. You need to teach your kid boundaries STAT. that means you NEVER open the door, including the car door, unless an adult is right there with you saying it's OK. I'd start by disciplining the kid, honestly.
This. You are all nuts. A 3.5 year old should be able to be by himself for a few minutes, and know enough not to walk out the house. You need to start teaching your kid some boundaries OP.
Anonymous
06/23/2014 19:03
Subject: Keep or fire?
Good heavens the helicopter caregivers are out en masse toda. Jeez, a three and a half year old should be able to stay on a separate floor, unattended, long enough to change a diaper or lay a baby in bed. If not, then you have bigger problems on your hands than an unlocked door. You need to teach your kid boundaries STAT. that means you NEVER open the door, including the car door, unless an adult is right there with you saying it's OK. I'd start by disciplining the kid, honestly.
Anonymous
06/23/2014 18:28
Subject: Keep or fire?
Anonymous wrote:I'd likely fire. Unclear why she'd leave your 3.5 y
r old downstairs that long unattended. I wouldn't do that with my own 3.75 yr old daughter. If I'm heading upstairs for a while, so is she.
This.
Anonymous
06/23/2014 18:24
Subject: Keep or fire?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:If your nanny reacted appropriately to this oversight it's a fair bet she will be extra vigilant at locking the doors behind her now. I wouldn't fire her for that. And if you have a wanderer in your family, an above-the-door lock is advised for extra safety (my 2.5 year old can pull his stool over and unlock our deadbolt).
Ridiculous. Punish the child and she will get the reason why not to do it. There is a reason why children feel as if they are the boss. No discipline and reckless little hellions.
Are you out of school for the summer or something? You've been around a lot lately.