I think your problem OP is the SOURCE.

Where are you finding these nannies from?
If from Craigslist, then I do not suggest it as pretty much anyone can post and respond to classified ads on this website since it is free for anyone who has Internet access which is pretty much anyone these days.

If from an Internet childcare website such as Care.com and/or Sittercity.com, then pretty much the same thing as well.
While the parents who utilize these websites must pay a membership fee, the nannies themselves do not have to thus anyone can post a profile/picture for free. They do have to pay for their own background checks, but these are inexpensive and truthfully are very unreliable.

My best advice is to go through a reputable local agency in your town/city.
Perhaps ask around or search Yelp.

You will most likely have to pay a fee, but they will do all the screening for you and it is up to them to provide you with a quality nanny and if they do not, they have to find a replacement for you who is worth your money.
I say it is money well invested.

I do not know anything about the Au Pair programs so I am not too sure about these programs.

I do know that they are foreign students who reside in your home and work many hours at less pay than a typical live -in nanny, but I do not know how much or how they obtain their childcare experience and credentials.

Hope this info helps.

Best of luck to you and your family.

While a good salary helps, it is not the only thing OP needs to consider. When I was a newer nanny and was not being paid a lot, I worked my butt off just as much as I did for families who paid me a higher salary.
There are too many people out there with this belief that unless you pay a high salary, you are going to get a bad nanny. You may not end up with a nanny who speaks three languages and can make gourmet baby food that she grew herself, but you can find a good nanny who doesn't feel entitled.

You get what you pay for, OP.

Are you hiring undocumented nannies for the most part? Are you paying well enough to attract the good, dedicated and loving nannies?

I'm sorry you have had such a difficult time. Yes, go through an agency or learn to screen better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much are you paying? Well paid nannies don't behave this way.

This. No one has said anything about pay. If you are looking at nannies that aren't even legal to work or drive in the US I can only assume you are paying far too low.

Plenty of people have mentioned pay as a potential issue. I'm sure there is a reason OP is glossing over those suggestions, but what can you do? If you underpay people, you inevitably will experience high turnover and subpar quality employees a la fast food restaurants.

Anonymous wrote:How much are you paying? Well paid nannies don't behave this way.

This. No one has said anything about pay. If you are looking at nannies that aren't even legal to work or drive in the US I can only assume you are paying far too low.

I know as a nanny there is lot of pressure to be a perfect applicant. Families don't exactly reward candor about previous bad experiences or mistakes or even areas where the nanny knows she needs to grow. Some families ask what you feel your weaknesses are are or an example of how you have made a mistake and learned from it. Applicants are coached to skirt this question by sharing something that is both trivial and has a ready solution. The family is more likely to focus on the negative than to take the applicant as a whole person because they can't gauge how much any one negative will impact them in the future.Therefore, its become common practice to keep your faults hidden.

I have learned a ton form the mistakes I have made. In my last position, a heated discussion got out of hand and I almost walked out. It took us two days to repair all of our sour words. Then I worked for them another two years and we were very happy. If I were to share that lesson learned, no one would hire me. They would prefer the applicant who says they have no faults and no serious mistakes to speak of. I don't think it is possible to admit you have faults and still get a job. OP, your nanny is not going to be 100% forthcoming so you will need to develop problem solving skills in anticipation problems will arise in any relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here - Can't thank you all enough for all of the great advice. It's definitely time to pause, self-reflect and figure out how to make this work.

Thank you

OP, I am the PP who suggested journaling. My advice stands on its own but it does happen to be the case that my current position ends on June 13th. I would welcome an invitation to learn more about your experiences with your previous employees and how you would like to go about creating a healthy environment going forward. I can humbly admit that I have learned just as much from the experiences that have not gone as hoped as I have from the families that were a slam dunk for me. Mostly, it all goes back to communication, compassion, and integrity.

I'm the MB who liked your advice above. Thank you for being such a breath of fresh air.