Anonymous
06/03/2014 16:00
Subject: Re:Completely crumbled very long vent
OP. Because she told me I can't handle it, and not to text her with every little thing at work and because she loves to turn everything into a confrontation, like it was when I asked for a raise. (she asked me to text her and email her with almost very little thing, such as giving a dose of Advil for fever or teething.) I just disregarded, left it at that and cried inside.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:56
Subject: Completely crumbled very long vent
OP, your version is that you wanted the g'parents to bond. BUT, you also gave her a list of things that were making working there impossible, and you're in a 4-week countdown to the job being over. One of those things was being uncomfortable in the house with the extended family.
If I had received your text, I probably would not have made such a mean reply, but I also probably would have said something similar, like, "would you prefer to make this your last day/week? It sounds like you're very uncomfortable working with us right now."
I would, in fact, have been annoyed that you aired your grievances, I told you there was nothing I could (would) do about the family, and we had, I thought, come to an agreement that you would stay on for four more weeks. And then, just a couple of days later, you text to say you want to go home early (and presumably still be paid).
So, while I understand that you're miserable with this situation, what exactly did you expect her to say?
If I had received your text, I probably would not have made such a mean reply, but I also probably would have said something similar, like, "would you prefer to make this your last day/week? It sounds like you're very uncomfortable working with us right now."
I would, in fact, have been annoyed that you aired your grievances, I told you there was nothing I could (would) do about the family, and we had, I thought, come to an agreement that you would stay on for four more weeks. And then, just a couple of days later, you text to say you want to go home early (and presumably still be paid).
So, while I understand that you're miserable with this situation, what exactly did you expect her to say?
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:51
Subject: Re:Completely crumbled very long vent
* stress
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:51
Subject: Re:Completely crumbled very long vent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is temporary. You are not staying these last fee weeks for MBs satisfaction, in fact your mission has changed: accept that you can not change this families functioning, determine how and when you can love and support your charge, and daily take time to repair the psychological warfare you're enduring. Period. His long-term happiness and well being have been taken out of your hands. You are released from the responsibility of controlling his daily experience. Shift your attention to building yourself back up in order to be ready to love the next one. They will need you to be whole in order to love them properly. I am not saying to mow over your feelings, the opposite; decide that you feel crappy right now but you can and will put your psyche back in order so you can keep doing the work you love.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. The sad truth is that this is not temporary. Don't you get it? This nanny will never forget the love she gave to this little boy. She loves him more than his parents do. She has been his primary caregiver most of his life. He may not remember her name, but he will most certainly suffer the permanent consequences of this broken attatchment. It's not pretty. His witch of a mother has a long, hard road ahead. But, hey, maybe she won't even notice her child grieving for his beloved nanny.
Goodness, no one said it was not to have a lasting impact. Just that this job and these four weeks will pass. That The TIME will pass, not that the streets on everyone will disappear. Although, anyone who has survived their first marriage or heartbreak can tell you that a broken bond isn't a permanent disability. People do recover.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:50
Subject: Completely crumbled very long vent
When she texted that I would have replied with we both know that's not true.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:49
Subject: Re:Completely crumbled very long vent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is temporary. You are not staying these last fee weeks for MBs satisfaction, in fact your mission has changed: accept that you can not change this families functioning, determine how and when you can love and support your charge, and daily take time to repair the psychological warfare you're enduring. Period. His long-term happiness and well being have been taken out of your hands. You are released from the responsibility of controlling his daily experience. Shift your attention to building yourself back up in order to be ready to love the next one. They will need you to be whole in order to love them properly. I am not saying to mow over your feelings, the opposite; decide that you feel crappy right now but you can and will put your psyche back in order so you can keep doing the work you love.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. The sad truth is that this is not temporary. Don't you get it? This nanny will never forget the love she gave to this little boy. She loves him more than his parents do. She has been his primary caregiver most of his life. He may not remember her name, but he will most certainly suffer the permanent consequences of this broken attatchment. It's not pretty. His witch of a mother has a long, hard road ahead. But, hey, maybe she won't even notice her child grieving for his beloved nanny.
You have no right to say the nanny loves him more than the parents. You don't know that. Remember, we are only getting one side to this story.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:43
Subject: Re:Completely crumbled very long vent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is temporary. You are not staying these last fee weeks for MBs satisfaction, in fact your mission has changed: accept that you can not change this families functioning, determine how and when you can love and support your charge, and daily take time to repair the psychological warfare you're enduring. Period. His long-term happiness and well being have been taken out of your hands. You are released from the responsibility of controlling his daily experience. Shift your attention to building yourself back up in order to be ready to love the next one. They will need you to be whole in order to love them properly. I am not saying to mow over your feelings, the opposite; decide that you feel crappy right now but you can and will put your psyche back in order so you can keep doing the work you love.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. The sad truth is that this is not temporary. Don't you get it? This nanny will never forget the love she gave to this little boy. She loves him more than his parents do. She has been his primary caregiver most of his life. He may not remember her name, but he will most certainly suffer the permanent consequences of this broken attatchment. It's not pretty. His witch of a mother has a long, hard road ahead. But, hey, maybe she won't even notice her child grieving for his beloved nanny.
I was referring to the next four weeks as a temporary roadblock. Yes, the emotional exchange is far more lasting. No one would disagree and I certainly don't.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:42
Subject: Completely crumbled very long vent
This OP deserves $30/hr at her next job, IMO.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:37
Subject: Re:Completely crumbled very long vent
OP. I have not asked to go home. I merely suggested that since hey really are taking charge and I am sitting on a couch, maybe she can give me the rest of the day of so they can bond. They looked uncomfortable and I was too.
Caring for diarrhea, vomiting and high fever sick child was never something I said I could do, though I did that with humility and care. I did much more than in my job description, I cooked special diet for the whole family, almost daily, not only for my charge. I got bags and bags of groceries, I got him to swim comfortably in a pool, took him to the pool the first time and last, as they're not swimmers. I scrubbed their mildewed washing machine with a toothbrush. I cleaned their fridge for two hours (she said "thanks, I didn't clean it since he was born"), I soaked and brushed the carpet, floors and upholstery covered with vomit after I came back from a weekend. I dropped books to the library, I took haircuts, doctors and other appointments. I did more and often what was beyond in my contract, and I was paid an $18.5 hr on the books, no benefits, standard leave.
My boy will surely recover, as kids have great resilience and I think I managed to teach him at least a tiny bit how to have compassion, sympathy, and be caring. I felt shattered after she made mean spirited and insensitive comments, as I think I gave a lot for this job and deserve a little respect.
Caring for diarrhea, vomiting and high fever sick child was never something I said I could do, though I did that with humility and care. I did much more than in my job description, I cooked special diet for the whole family, almost daily, not only for my charge. I got bags and bags of groceries, I got him to swim comfortably in a pool, took him to the pool the first time and last, as they're not swimmers. I scrubbed their mildewed washing machine with a toothbrush. I cleaned their fridge for two hours (she said "thanks, I didn't clean it since he was born"), I soaked and brushed the carpet, floors and upholstery covered with vomit after I came back from a weekend. I dropped books to the library, I took haircuts, doctors and other appointments. I did more and often what was beyond in my contract, and I was paid an $18.5 hr on the books, no benefits, standard leave.
My boy will surely recover, as kids have great resilience and I think I managed to teach him at least a tiny bit how to have compassion, sympathy, and be caring. I felt shattered after she made mean spirited and insensitive comments, as I think I gave a lot for this job and deserve a little respect.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:23
Subject: Re:Completely crumbled very long vent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is temporary. You are not staying these last fee weeks for MBs satisfaction, in fact your mission has changed: accept that you can not change this families functioning, determine how and when you can love and support your charge, and daily take time to repair the psychological warfare you're enduring. Period. His long-term happiness and well being have been taken out of your hands. You are released from the responsibility of controlling his daily experience. Shift your attention to building yourself back up in order to be ready to love the next one. They will need you to be whole in order to love them properly. I am not saying to mow over your feelings, the opposite; decide that you feel crappy right now but you can and will put your psyche back in order so you can keep doing the work you love.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. The sad truth is that this is not temporary. Don't you get it? This nanny will never forget the love she gave to this little boy. She loves him more than his parents do. She has been his primary caregiver most of his life. He may not remember her name, but he will most certainly suffer the permanent consequences of this broken attatchment. It's not pretty. His witch of a mother has a long, hard road ahead. But, hey, maybe she won't even notice her child grieving for his beloved nanny.
Wow your dramatic! Do you really think this nanny loves the child more than the parents? You don't know anything except what OP told you. Get a grip lmao.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:19
Subject: Completely crumbled very long vent
Let's hope the MB has some wise friends who encourage her to allow her son to occasionally continue seeing his nanny. Kind of like children of divorce. They are the real victims. It's never fair to them.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:13
Subject: Completely crumbled very long vent
Hope things get better for you soon! I think most nannies have to suffer through one crazy parent or bad fit. This one was yours, and now you can move on to better things. It's hard to get over the feeling of anger, betrayal, sadness etc that come from enduring what you have, but it gets better with time. Wishing you the best and keep us posted on how the next few weeks go for you.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:12
Subject: Re:Completely crumbled very long vent
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is temporary. You are not staying these last fee weeks for MBs satisfaction, in fact your mission has changed: accept that you can not change this families functioning, determine how and when you can love and support your charge, and daily take time to repair the psychological warfare you're enduring. Period. His long-term happiness and well being have been taken out of your hands. You are released from the responsibility of controlling his daily experience. Shift your attention to building yourself back up in order to be ready to love the next one. They will need you to be whole in order to love them properly. I am not saying to mow over your feelings, the opposite; decide that you feel crappy right now but you can and will put your psyche back in order so you can keep doing the work you love.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. The sad truth is that this is not temporary. Don't you get it? This nanny will never forget the love she gave to this little boy. She loves him more than his parents do. She has been his primary caregiver most of his life. He may not remember her name, but he will most certainly suffer the permanent consequences of this broken attatchment. It's not pretty. His witch of a mother has a long, hard road ahead. But, hey, maybe she won't even notice her child grieving for his beloved nanny.
Calm down. The OP Nanny is handling this better than you! The child will be fine. Maybe the parents are awful but the consequences of that (if true) are far more significant than the "suffering...of this broken attachment" with the nanny.
Good heavens.
Don't you know anything about suddenly severed bonds with primary attatchments? You really should study up a little.
Adults who understand this, learn to get over the relatively minor irritations. Like the nanny did, but MB can't.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:08
Subject: Completely crumbled very long vent
Anonymous wrote:OP you seem very reasonable. I am looking for a new nanny. What is your contact information?
But the question is, are you very reasonable? Why is your current nanny leaving (truth)? How many references will you offer her? Will your current nanny give you a good reference? If not, why? If you think you can afford to pay this nanny what she's worth (clearly,) you can leave your contact info, in case she's interested. I guess we're assuming you're both in the DC area? BTW, this nanny is worth a lot more than $17/hr.
Anonymous
06/03/2014 15:06
Subject: Completely crumbled very long vent
I don't understand why you would text after diarrhea and ask to go home. Grandparents are there trying to take over, yeah, but you still have a job to do and that just sounds really unprofessional. If she didn't want you there that day, she wouldn't have asked you to come to work that day. You need to just suck it up and make these last 4 weeks the best you can and just take it, for the reference.