Anonymous wrote:Thanks for your advice everyone, I really appreciate the feedback. I brought it up very directly when I got home yesterday and she admited that yes she did watch TV sometimes. I reiterated the rule that there is to be no TV unless my daughter is napping. I didn't get into chastising or questioning her beyond that, but firmly repeated the rule and the reason for the rule (my daughter's well being and safety). This is her first full time nanny position, so I am thinking she might not understand the importance and gravity of her job. I'm watching much more closely than I usually do today and she has been great, so I am left thoroughly confused. Do you think this is a judgment/character issue that can be overcome? I am nervous to send her out into the world with my daughter where there are no cameras if she has poor judgment - what if she makes other bad judgment calls or breaks other rules and leaves her in the car to run into the store or something? I know I'm catastrophizing into the future, but I don't like feeling such doubt about anyone who watches her.

Does anyone have advice for me about how to work with her to understand the importance of her job without making her feel belittled? I want her to understand that she isn't just a babysitter, but one of the most integral caretakers in my daughter's life.

I see two issues here:

First, you have hired a nanny without any formal nanny experience. That means you've hired a babysitter. If you want your sitter to raise her game you will need to be a very hands-on manager to help her become the nanny you want her to be. That means you need to up your game as well - read about child development, if you aren't already conversant in that area. Then specifically TELL nanny activities you want her to do with your child. Don't suggest, TELL - it can be done nicely, and after a while you can ask what sort of activities SHE thinks would be good, based on what she's been doing. You are going to need to manage and coach her along the way to help her actually become more than a sitter. It can be done, but it requires you to be active, rather than passive. You also need to be free with praise and thanks when you catch her going above and beyond. First time nannies can be awesome if you give them the attention they need.

Second, you are probably ascribing too much importance to the issue of her watching TV. A decision to watch TV is not a direct predictor of a decision to drive with baby on her lap instead of in her carseat. As a FTM, I get why you feel that way, but I think she may have just figured she watches TV when babysitting, why not do it at your home too. Of course, since you have the cameras, you can keep an eye on things and see if this was an anomaly or if she actually does seem to have poor judgement or an inability to respond to your directions.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, sorry, PP - it sort of is "dangerous." Even if the kid is not watching it, there are studies that show that having that kind of background noise affects the baby's ability to learn speech patterns. Additionally, it means the nanny's attention is not on engaging the baby. I wouldn't stand for it, and don't want the TV on when my kids are with their nanny either.

OP, I'd watch closely from now on. Perhaps she doesn't understand why you made the request? Did you share that with her or just tell her not to have the TV on?

Well my bosses disagree and tell me to keep it on just like them.

Yeah, sorry, PP - it sort of is "dangerous." Even if the kid is not watching it, there are studies that show that having that kind of background noise affects the baby's ability to learn speech patterns. Additionally, it means the nanny's attention is not on engaging the baby. I wouldn't stand for it, and don't want the TV on when my kids are with their nanny either.

OP, I'd watch closely from now on. Perhaps she doesn't understand why you made the request? Did you share that with her or just tell her not to have the TV on?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you don't want your nanny watching tv during the day if the baby is awake. I also understand you don't want your baby watching tv. I totally respect that and your nanny should not have done that as she was told not to.

With that being said I watch tv with babies all the time. My bosses don't care and think its weird when the tv is not on. I am fully capable of watching the baby and interacting while the tv is on for background noise. The baby I watch is not in danger.

This has nothing to do with anything. It's the OP'a prerogative to have a no TV rule and to hire a nanny that follows her rule. FWIW the AAP recommends children under 2 don't watch TV and a 9 month-old is old enough to watch (or crawl away) if the TV is on. Also, if your are watching TV you are not ENGAGING the baby - something little kids need. If you are actually engaged, why do you have the TV on? Play the radio or Pandora for background noise!

OP - I'd keep checking in on the nanny cam for a few more weeks. It sounds like she got it, but I think only time will tell how seriously she takes this and any other rules you have). Hope it all works out!

And I clearly stated the nanny should follow her rules. I just mentioned having a tv on is not dangerous.

When I started my job mb said to me girl what are you doing turn that tv on what kind of shows do you like? We keep our tv on all day long. We have all the movie channels, watch or order whatever you like.

The AAP actually does think TV is harmful for kids under the age of 2: http://www.aap.org/en-us/advocacy-and-policy/aap-health-initiatives/pages/media-and-children.aspx.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I understand you don't want your nanny watching tv during the day if the baby is awake. I also understand you don't want your baby watching tv. I totally respect that and your nanny should not have done that as she was told not to.

With that being said I watch tv with babies all the time. My bosses don't care and think its weird when the tv is not on. I am fully capable of watching the baby and interacting while the tv is on for background noise. The baby I watch is not in danger.

This has nothing to do with anything. It's the OP'a prerogative to have a no TV rule and to hire a nanny that follows her rule. FWIW the AAP recommends children under 2 don't watch TV and a 9 month-old is old enough to watch (or crawl away) if the TV is on. Also, if your are watching TV you are not ENGAGING the baby - something little kids need. If you are actually engaged, why do you have the TV on? Play the radio or Pandora for background noise!

OP - I'd keep checking in on the nanny cam for a few more weeks. It sounds like she got it, but I think only time will tell how seriously she takes this and any other rules you have). Hope it all works out!

And I clearly stated the nanny should follow her rules. I just mentioned having a tv on is not dangerous.

When I started my job mb said to me girl what are you doing turn that tv on what kind of shows do you like? We keep our tv on all day long. We have all the movie channels, watch or order whatever you like.

Anonymous wrote:I understand you don't want your nanny watching tv during the day if the baby is awake. I also understand you don't want your baby watching tv. I totally respect that and your nanny should not have done that as she was told not to.

With that being said I watch tv with babies all the time. My bosses don't care and think its weird when the tv is not on. I am fully capable of watching the baby and interacting while the tv is on for background noise. The baby I watch is not in danger.

This has nothing to do with anything. It's the OP'a prerogative to have a no TV rule and to hire a nanny that follows her rule. FWIW the AAP recommends children under 2 don't watch TV and a 9 month-old is old enough to watch (or crawl away) if the TV is on. Also, if your are watching TV you are not ENGAGING the baby - something little kids need. If you are actually engaged, why do you have the TV on? Play the radio or Pandora for background noise!

OP - I'd keep checking in on the nanny cam for a few more weeks. It sounds like she got it, but I think only time will tell how seriously she takes this and any other rules you have). Hope it all works out!

I understand you don't want your nanny watching tv during the day if the baby is awake. I also understand you don't want your baby watching tv. I totally respect that and your nanny should not have done that as she was told not to.

With that being said I watch tv with babies all the time. My bosses don't care and think its weird when the tv is not on. I am fully capable of watching the baby and interacting while the tv is on for background noise. The baby I watch is not in danger.

Thanks for your advice everyone, I really appreciate the feedback. I brought it up very directly when I got home yesterday and she admited that yes she did watch TV sometimes. I reiterated the rule that there is to be no TV unless my daughter is napping. I didn't get into chastising or questioning her beyond that, but firmly repeated the rule and the reason for the rule (my daughter's well being and safety). This is her first full time nanny position, so I am thinking she might not understand the importance and gravity of her job. I'm watching much more closely than I usually do today and she has been great, so I am left thoroughly confused. Do you think this is a judgment/character issue that can be overcome? I am nervous to send her out into the world with my daughter where there are no cameras if she has poor judgment - what if she makes other bad judgment calls or breaks other rules and leaves her in the car to run into the store or something? I know I'm catastrophizing into the future, but I don't like feeling such doubt about anyone who watches her.

Does anyone have advice for me about how to work with her to understand the importance of her job without making her feel belittled? I want her to understand that she isn't just a babysitter, but one of the most integral caretakers in my daughter's life.

Keep us posted op

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The trust is gone. She directly disobeyed you. She wants to watch shows while she should be watching your child -- that's taking personal time on your clock! -- and it also means she has zero judgment, and likely will resent you if you say she can't do it anymore. No trust = no nanny. Fire her.

OP didn't actually see her doing anything, and a few people have given plausible reasons for what OP heard, so perhaps OP should take steps to verify what she thinks is going on before jumping to firing someone. How unfair it would be to fire the nanny, only to find out she was listening to a comedy station on pandora, or a podcast, or an audio book, or she has a show playing on the iPad in the background, but neither she and her daughter are actually watching it.

MB here, I agree that she may not be technically leaving a TV for your daughter to see, but one other thing that sounds weird to me is that the OP never mentioned the nanny engaging DD. That's not technically a "fireable" offense, but realistically, your nanny should, at least over the course of an hour be talking sometimes -- it's essential for language development. While it's not an emergency, whatever the case if OP you don't see this nanny engaging your daughter you should mention that too. And look for another nanny if it doesn't improve, even if she does stop technically watching TV. You need both. But if that is the only offense I would likely not fire on the spot and use a temp, just wait until I could find a replacement.

My nanny does listen to music with my son and also sometimes calls her family and puts them on speakerphone. But she is always engaging him and does not zone out and watch her own thing.

Anonymous wrote:The trust is gone. She directly disobeyed you. She wants to watch shows while she should be watching your child -- that's taking personal time on your clock! -- and it also means she has zero judgment, and likely will resent you if you say she can't do it anymore. No trust = no nanny. Fire her.

OP didn't actually see her doing anything, and a few people have given plausible reasons for what OP heard, so perhaps OP should take steps to verify what she thinks is going on before jumping to firing someone. How unfair it would be to fire the nanny, only to find out she was listening to a comedy station on pandora, or a podcast, or an audio book, or she has a show playing on the iPad in the background, but neither she and her daughter are actually watching it.

The trust is gone. She directly disobeyed you. She wants to watch shows while she should be watching your child -- that's taking personal time on your clock! -- and it also means she has zero judgment, and likely will resent you if you say she can't do it anymore. No trust = no nanny. Fire her.

I have the tv or iPad on a movie or tv show for background noise I know it's frowned upon but mb said to do so

Is there another room they could have been in? Another play area, kitchen or outside and nanny forgot to turn it off

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB. This would be totally unacceptable to me OP, but I would be in a similar bind w/ the realities of childcare (and possibly finances). That being said, here is what I think I would do:

- reposition the camera tonight so you can have two days of information and feel completely confident in what you are seeing/hearing
- call a back-up care agency right now to find out how quickly they can send you someone who sounds comfortable to you (I use Metro Parent Relief but there are others)
- have a very serious, direct conversation with your current nanny. Trust your gut. Reiterate that you can and do check the audio/video feeds and will be even more diligent about doing that now. Be very clear about what you do and do not allow. Give her one week (if you wish) to demonstrate that she can supervise your child within your guidelines.
- Terminate her on the spot, or after another day, or in a week - whatever feels right to you. Use the emergency service to get you through until you can find another nanny.

Nanny here who agrees wholeheartedly with this. Yes, it can be "boring" to sit and watch a baby play, but the solution to that is to take a walk or sing songs or get out some different toys--or at the very least to listen to music, but in addition to the fact that her attention is distracted from your baby, the constant soundtrack of random language is not going to help with baby's language acquisition. You and your daughter deserve someone who wants to be engaged.