Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm curious as to what you all think of this. I raised the pictures tonight and asked that she share them with us. I offered to set up and pay for a Dropbox or other similar file sharing setup. She was highly reluctant, saying she didn't know how, etc. I told her we would show her. She then said "I will give you some but these pictures are for me. I want some just for me."

I had to walk away at that point. We are the parents. There are no pictures of our toddler and baby that we should be denied seeing. She has done this kind of thing before - telling me not to say a certain word to my son because it is "her word" with him.

So, what do I do now? I'm absolutely not ok with this and think it signifies a bigger problem. I am planning on telling her in the morning that her keeping pictures from us is unacceptable and non-negotiable. Any thoughts?

Your nanny is in the wrong. The fact that she doesn't want to share the pics with you is a huge red flag. While she owns the copyright to the photos, she should be sharing them with you. And the whole not wanting you to use certain words with your children? Way too creepy. Your nanny has broken boundaries that should not be broken. You may want to consider finding a new nanny.

May want to consider?

Fire her. No questions asked. And likely I would go a step further and get a lawyer to draft a letter of some type informing her you explicitly have not given your permission to use or publish photos of your minor child and requesting all photos be deleted etc. who knows if it holds water but I would try to scare the crap out of her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Put the scale away, op. Tell her you don't want her telling anyone but you and your spouse anything about your kid health.

We had our manny sign a confidentiality agreement. Any pics he takes are to be deleted after being forwarded to us, he's not to discuss our kids with anyone but us or the kids instructors, etc.

Seriously? If your Manny has a shitty/trying/funny day at work, he is not allowed to talk about it with anyone besides you? The more you post the more you seem like a pill to work for. Your Manny must be a saint.

I'm the nanny who has signed confidentiality agreements. I have not had an issue with it. Mine were not as strict as this, but I also worked for high profile clients and completely understand the need and want for privacy.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I'm curious as to what you all think of this. I raised the pictures tonight and asked that she share them with us. I offered to set up and pay for a Dropbox or other similar file sharing setup. She was highly reluctant, saying she didn't know how, etc. I told her we would show her. She then said "I will give you some but these pictures are for me. I want some just for me."

I had to walk away at that point. We are the parents. There are no pictures of our toddler and baby that we should be denied seeing. She has done this kind of thing before - telling me not to say a certain word to my son because it is "her word" with him.

So, what do I do now? I'm absolutely not ok with this and think it signifies a bigger problem. I am planning on telling her in the morning that her keeping pictures from us is unacceptable and non-negotiable. Any thoughts?

Your nanny is in the wrong. The fact that she doesn't want to share the pics with you is a huge red flag. While she owns the copyright to the photos, she should be sharing them with you. And the whole not wanting you to use certain words with your children? Way too creepy. Your nanny has broken boundaries that should not be broken. You may want to consider finding a new nanny.

Anonymous wrote:Put the scale away, op. Tell her you don't want her telling anyone but you and your spouse anything about your kid health.

We had our manny sign a confidentiality agreement. Any pics he takes are to be deleted after being forwarded to us, he's not to discuss our kids with anyone but us or the kids instructors, etc.

Seriously? If your Manny has a shitty/trying/funny day at work, he is not allowed to talk about it with anyone besides you? The more you post the more you seem like a pill to work for. Your Manny must be a saint.

that's beyond weird and it sounds line she's too bonded. Honestly, I'd start looking at other options. that's creepy. I've taken lots of pictures of Kidd, but endedup making photo books with the best of them...never denied showing pictures. that's very weird.

OP here. I'm curious as to what you all think of this. I raised the pictures tonight and asked that she share them with us. I offered to set up and pay for a Dropbox or other similar file sharing setup. She was highly reluctant, saying she didn't know how, etc. I told her we would show her. She then said "I will give you some but these pictures are for me. I want some just for me."

I had to walk away at that point. We are the parents. There are no pictures of our toddler and baby that we should be denied seeing. She has done this kind of thing before - telling me not to say a certain word to my son because it is "her word" with him.

So, what do I do now? I'm absolutely not ok with this and think it signifies a bigger problem. I am planning on telling her in the morning that her keeping pictures from us is unacceptable and non-negotiable. Any thoughts?

Put the scale away, op. Tell her you don't want her telling anyone but you and your spouse anything about your kid health.

We had our manny sign a confidentiality agreement. Any pics he takes are to be deleted after being forwarded to us, he's not to discuss our kids with anyone but us or the kids instructors, etc.

I disagree with those of you who say you don't give up privacy. You do. So did all those "Downton Abbey" types; there were all kinds of traditions in place so that everyone ignored just how intimate it all is.

OP, because you're gone all day, I think it's easier to imagine that the nanny isn't really in your house, in your family (to your kids, almost as much as you are), in your new family history ...). This was hard for me, too, at first, but I finally decided that nanny care was what I wanted for my children, and I needed to embrace the idea of someone who felt very bonded to them.

Our current nanny takes lots of pictures of the kids. We download them every couple of weeks, and she send us shots during the day sometimes. I'm actually really glad she does this. With three tiny ones, it's hard for me to get the cute shots of the baby, and it's like having a family historian.

Have her sign a non- disclosure agreement. I have had to do it for a couple of my jobs. And for the picture taking, my employers always get copies of the photos I take and they are never shared online to anyone else.
If she feels the need to take photos, give her a small digital camera to use while she is working and tell her you would like her to take pictures with that camera, and not use hers and if there any pictures she takes with your camera that she likes, you could share them with her, if that is what you decide.
Just because you have someone working in your home, it doesn't mean you have to give up your privacy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She shouldn't be sharing personal information about your family including photos without your consent. Have your nanny sign a disclosure agreement. If she repeatedly violates it you can use it as an excuse to fire her.

This. Your child, house, et al is NO ONE's business. You are her boss, not her buddy. Period.

Agree. I take pics of my totally adorable little charge but never put them on any social media sites, let one without permission. I would be annoyed as well if I was a parent.

Anonymous wrote:She shouldn't be sharing personal information about your family including photos without your consent. Have your nanny sign a disclosure agreement. If she repeatedly violates it you can use it as an excuse to fire her.

This. Your child, house, et al is NO ONE's business. You are her boss, not her buddy. Period.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback. I'm going to ask her to not post pics online and let the rest be. It makes me uncomfortable to have her share info about my kids with her family and friends but I can accept that my privacy lines are outside the norm. I think next time we look for a nanny I'll be more upfront about how I feel about these kinds of things -- this was our first foray into having a nanny and I didn't anticipate how I'd feel about our family being conversation for others. Thanks again.

I think it would help if you tried to think of her sharing not as being about your family, but as being about her job. She's probably not talking about the kind of house you live in, the cars you drive, what color your bathrobe is, etc. rather she's talking about what she does at work, and the children she loves to care for. It'd be pretty difficult to expect your nanny, or any future nannies to never speak of their job. That's usually one of the first questions people ask upon meeting you. I know there are people that can't talk about their jobs, but they can usually say what they do, and then its understandable. But it'd be very odd for a nanny to refuse to talk about her not so top secret job.

OP again -- I don't expect her to be silent about her job. It is just odd to me that the HEALTH details get shared. Every time the baby has a fever, she calls her sister. I'll come home to "my sister says the baby has a fever because of her shots". Well, duh. I have a pediatrician, this is my second baby, I know this stuff. And she weighs the baby every day. I also have a toddler and she tells her sister every time he has constipation. I can't imagine these conversations are actually interesting for her sister and it really just rubs me the wrong way. But like I said, I get that my privacy line is different than that of others.

I'm the pp that has a website and written consent. When I first read your post you didn't mention in detail about the sister questioning, and after following your responses I do believe she is out of line in that aspect. It's probably coming from concern and love but it shows a lack of professional boundaries. I would ask her to not seek out medical advice from anyone other then you and your pediatrician. Tell her that she may log any abnormal behavior and you will seek appropriate measures. That while you value her concern, your child's health and medical information is not her concern besides logging what she witnesses. She sound very young and almost like a "new mother". How old is she and how much experience does she have with young ones?

You've invited her into your private life, she works in your home and spends hours a day with your kids. It's too late to be a "private person."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback. I'm going to ask her to not post pics online and let the rest be. It makes me uncomfortable to have her share info about my kids with her family and friends but I can accept that my privacy lines are outside the norm. I think next time we look for a nanny I'll be more upfront about how I feel about these kinds of things -- this was our first foray into having a nanny and I didn't anticipate how I'd feel about our family being conversation for others. Thanks again.

I think it would help if you tried to think of her sharing not as being about your family, but as being about her job. She's probably not talking about the kind of house you live in, the cars you drive, what color your bathrobe is, etc. rather she's talking about what she does at work, and the children she loves to care for. It'd be pretty difficult to expect your nanny, or any future nannies to never speak of their job. That's usually one of the first questions people ask upon meeting you. I know there are people that can't talk about their jobs, but they can usually say what they do, and then its understandable. But it'd be very odd for a nanny to refuse to talk about her not so top secret job.

OP again -- I don't expect her to be silent about her job. It is just odd to me that the HEALTH details get shared. Every time the baby has a fever, she calls her sister. I'll come home to "my sister says the baby has a fever because of her shots". Well, duh. I have a pediatrician, this is my second baby, I know this stuff. And she weighs the baby every day. I also have a toddler and she tells her sister every time he has constipation. I can't imagine these conversations are actually interesting for her sister and it really just rubs me the wrong way. But like I said, I get that my privacy line is different than that of others.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the feedback. I'm going to ask her to not post pics online and let the rest be. It makes me uncomfortable to have her share info about my kids with her family and friends but I can accept that my privacy lines are outside the norm. I think next time we look for a nanny I'll be more upfront about how I feel about these kinds of things -- this was our first foray into having a nanny and I didn't anticipate how I'd feel about our family being conversation for others. Thanks again.

I think it would help if you tried to think of her sharing not as being about your family, but as being about her job. She's probably not talking about the kind of house you live in, the cars you drive, what color your bathrobe is, etc. rather she's talking about what she does at work, and the children she loves to care for. It'd be pretty difficult to expect your nanny, or any future nannies to never speak of their job. That's usually one of the first questions people ask upon meeting you. I know there are people that can't talk about their jobs, but they can usually say what they do, and then its understandable. But it'd be very odd for a nanny to refuse to talk about her not so top secret job.