Anonymous
Post 01/16/2014 02:48     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
It's not abuse. Obviously it was not intentional. I've been in a similar situation where I was watching two 5 year olds and one of them ran away from me. After a mom helped corral her I grabbed her by the wrist and took both kids home. She was wearing a metal bracelet, and so told her mom how I had hurt her wrist. I don't think it bruised, but her mom was understood that it was either hold on tight, or risk having her run again and possibly end up in the street.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 23:33     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
Anonymous wrote:This poor child needs a WHOLE lot more than just another nanny. Seems like he's been neglected by his parents.

Why in the hell are parents leaving their raging kids with unprepared nannies?
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 23:23     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
OP, you will mostly get mean, ugly judgmental responses from this board. You have gotten lucky with a few good/sound responses here, but that is rare, which is why I'll read the forum posts but never post an actual issue of mine on dcum again (unless I want to be torn apart and called names, that is).

I feel badly for you, OP. You absolutely did NOT "abuse" the child. Who knows if there might have been a better way to handle it, we can't say for sure since we weren't there (and even though you were, kids can be so unpredictable, so even you can't be sure you could have done anything better). Don't listen to any more rigid, holier-than-thou people on here that may try to tell you otherwise.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 21:15     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
Stop spreading misinformation. It is not abuse because there was no intent to harm the child. Whether or not an employer would want to keep a nanny who did this is a separate issue. I imagine most people who say they would not continue to employ the nanny do not have a children with high needs and no behavior modification plan.

https://www.childwelfare.gov/can/defining/federal.cfm
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 21:11     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
PPs at 20:43 and 20:57, you are on opposite ends of the spectrum but your comments are both sweeping generalizations. Kids with behavior issues are not "spoiled brats" or "crazy," they are children who are unable to control their emotions and impulsed in a developmentally appropriate manner. They are also not always products of abuse or neglect, although there is no denying that both are large risk factors. This child may have been through trauma in the past, may be abused or neglected, or may be in a perfectly loving environment and simply have brain chemistry that has gone awry. No matter what the situation, it is clear that the child may need more help than he is currently receiving, so I genuinely hope the OP either leaves the position if s/he feels unable to handle it or takes the initiative to learn about how to deal with this type of behavior as well as work with the parents to address it.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 21:09     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
Anonymous wrote:Giving a time out instead of leaving was a bad call. Why on earth would you leave this child who was having a difficult time controlling his behavior in an environment that wasn't controlled?

Leaving a bruise on a child is a huge problem and yes it's abuse as defined legally in most counties and states. I do tend to agree with previous posters, I would not keep you on as you clearly don't have the skills to deal with a high needs child.


This is the problem. Yes OP may not be equipped to deal with this kid's issues, but so many parents fail to disclose these issues up front, and they don't want to pay the higher rates of special needs caregivers, so they hired a regular nanny and hope for the best. Its dangerous, and its not fair to your kid or the nanny. STOP DOING THIS.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 20:57     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
This poor child needs a WHOLE lot more than just another nanny. Seems like he's been neglected by his parents.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 20:51     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
Giving a time out instead of leaving was a bad call. Why on earth would you leave this child who was having a difficult time controlling his behavior in an environment that wasn't controlled?

Leaving a bruise on a child is a huge problem and yes it's abuse as defined legally in most counties and states. I do tend to agree with previous posters, I would not keep you on as you clearly don't have the skills to deal with a high needs child.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 20:43     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
The kid is a spoiled effing brar, crazy, or both. Run, don't walk, and get away from this kid.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 20:32     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
The child has probably been through a ton of trauma.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 19:04     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
Nanny should demand family counselling that includes the nanny.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 18:57     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
I spent last year working with elementary-aged emotionally disturbed kiddos, so I understand the Jekyll/Hyde form that such tantrums can take. I also understand the frustration of dealing with such tantrums. Don't beat yourself up about the bruise, just do your best to avoid it again in the future. That said, if he is having tantrums that are potentially endangering himself or others, you need to have a talk with the parents about developing strategies to address this behavior. I'd also recommend you ask to receive training on appropriate restraint techniques.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 18:17     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
Sounds like rage. So unfortunate.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 18:15     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?
Anonymous wrote:I nanny for one very smart, sweet 5 year old little boy who throws violent tantrums. I've never dealt with such fits in a child over the age of 3, so this is new territory for me. He is quite self-conscious and generally keeps his major acting out to the privacy of his home, but yesterday he had a total melt down right at his school when I went to pick him up. He was upset that another child wouldn't share his toy.

I had never been in this situation before where a child is too big for me to easily handle during a tantrum. At home I just leave him be to calm down, but this time he kept darting off and would run toward the street, so I needed to grab onto him repeatedly. I utilized all of my patience and attempted to give him a time-out, just let him cool down on the grass for a few minutes, though after 15 minutes of this he was still screaming and enraged. I decided maybe I was being too lenient, as we were on a schedule and I didn't want his fit to dictate the whole day, so I held on to his arm and attempted to have him walk to the car with me. He pulled out all the stops - went limp like a noodle, pulled and thrashed in the opposite direction, punched and kicked me.. and he's not that little for his age. Finally I just picked him up, propped him superman-style against my hip (where his shoes had a hard time kicking me) and made it out of there.

He was fine after spending some time in his room and we had a good rest of the day, though later on I noticed a small bruise ringed around the wrist I had been holding onto. I was freaked out and told his mother right away, as well as having a talk with him about how it happened, and he said it didn't hurt at all. His mom seemed unconcerned with the bruise but I've never experienced this before. Am I overreacting? I keep going over the struggle at his school in my mind, thinking of how I could have handled it better, but I see no other options. How do you handle this sort of situation??
(And my first response to acting out is always communication, trying to work things out and foster understanding. Once he's mad about something there's no getting through to him, period.)


Yes but he doesn't sound like a sweet five year old. He sounds like a holy terror in need of discipline. He is out of control and he needs to have his parents get him in line.
Anonymous
Post 01/15/2014 17:52     Subject: Please Help! Is it considered abuse?


Do you have any idea how many nannies he's already had before you?