Anonymous wrote:OP-you are fishing for people to agree with you here and, obviously, most of us don't.
There are many reasons she could have forgotten (least of all, she is a human being who occasionally lets things slip her mind) and you are overlooking them all in search for some much more sinister meaning. If you are taking this misunderstanding so personally, you have much bigger problems than a forgotten birthday. Reflect a little, figure out what the real issue is and drop the forgotten birthday. No good will come of bringing it up.

There was nothing in the original post about bringing it up to the nanny. More like wondering if this could be a sign of the nanny not bonding with the second child as well as she did with the first. May be it is time to work on your reading comprehension some?

Anonymous wrote:Maybe she was broke? My charge also has a December birthday, and I honestly didn't have the money to buy him an extra gift. I felt like shit, and I didn't explain it to my bosses, but I just couldn't afford it. It doesn't mean that my other charge means more to me, just that August birthdays are easier to accommodate financially.

this has nothing to do with being broke or buying presents. No presents were expected. Unless of course you are saying that she was broke and felt that without having a gift she should not mention it because of being too embarrassed to not have a gift?

It definitely sounds like she simply forgot. She's away, presumably seeing family and friends and enjoying herself, probably not next to a calendar either. Besides, it's December so lots of extra things to keep in mind.

And as far as my experience goes, a first birthday is not that big of a deal because you don't have a child eagerly anticipating presents and a party and what not, so there's no buzz before a birthday. Of course it's a big deal to the parents, but there's no preparation for it in the same way there is preparation for it when a child is older, especially if the nanny has been away and hasn't heard you and your partner go 'can't believe our Clarice is almost one!'

As for the other thing, it does seem like you have a bigger issue, and if you're truly worried she's favouring your older child, you need to have a conversation with her. And as others said, I don't think you should mention the birthday. If I'm honest, I am not entirely sure when my 6mo's birthday is - and I was with the three older kids while he was being born! Been with that family for 3 years and love them all dearly, but with them all, my own family and friends, and my previous charges that I keep in touch with, it's a lot of birthdays to remember, and sometimes I'm a day or a week late. But that is human.

I have a december birthday so I get that it is often overlooked. I make a point not to over look my charges birthday. Hers in December as well. So maybe I don't buy her two gifts but one expensive gift.

Is your older child a boy. I see some nannies who favor boys especially if they are from certain cultures.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-you are fishing for people to agree with you here and, obviously, most of us don't.
There are many reasons she could have forgotten (least of all, she is a human being who occasionally lets things slip her mind) and you are overlooking them all in search for some much more sinister meaning. If you are taking this misunderstanding so personally, you have much bigger problems than a forgotten birthday. Reflect a little, figure out what the real issue is and drop the forgotten birthday. No good will come of bringing it up.

I think what people are missing is that this is not an isolated incident. By itself, yes it is not a big deal at all and OP is overreacting. But based on what OP said about the nanny favoring the older DC and not treating the younger one equally paints a whole different story.

OP, sometimes you have to go with your gut feeling. If it is telling you that the nanny isn't treating both children equally then you need to have a conversation with her. Don't mention the birthday thing because that may look petty even though I understand while it is a small thing, many small things can add up to a big thing.

Hence the reason I said there are clearly other issues here. OP needs to address those issues with her nanny and not make it seem like is has anything to do with the birthday incident. It is so petty that any valid points would be lost in the ensuing conversation.

That's why I said she shouldn't mention the birthday issue when she speaks with the nanny. My comments weren't necessarily directed at you either, it was directed at the people who said OP should just get over it. The birthday issue by itself isn't a big deal but there is clearly an issue here and telling her she's overreacting and to just get over it isn't helpful. As I said, it's one small thing but add that to a lot of small things and you get a big issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP-you are fishing for people to agree with you here and, obviously, most of us don't.
There are many reasons she could have forgotten (least of all, she is a human being who occasionally lets things slip her mind) and you are overlooking them all in search for some much more sinister meaning. If you are taking this misunderstanding so personally, you have much bigger problems than a forgotten birthday. Reflect a little, figure out what the real issue is and drop the forgotten birthday. No good will come of bringing it up.

I think what people are missing is that this is not an isolated incident. By itself, yes it is not a big deal at all and OP is overreacting. But based on what OP said about the nanny favoring the older DC and not treating the younger one equally paints a whole different story.

OP, sometimes you have to go with your gut feeling. If it is telling you that the nanny isn't treating both children equally then you need to have a conversation with her. Don't mention the birthday thing because that may look petty even though I understand while it is a small thing, many small things can add up to a big thing.

Hence the reason I said there are clearly other issues here. OP needs to address those issues with her nanny and not make it seem like is has anything to do with the birthday incident. It is so petty that any valid points would be lost in the ensuing conversation.

Anonymous wrote:OP-you are fishing for people to agree with you here and, obviously, most of us don't.
There are many reasons she could have forgotten (least of all, she is a human being who occasionally lets things slip her mind) and you are overlooking them all in search for some much more sinister meaning. If you are taking this misunderstanding so personally, you have much bigger problems than a forgotten birthday. Reflect a little, figure out what the real issue is and drop the forgotten birthday. No good will come of bringing it up.

I think what people are missing is that this is not an isolated incident. By itself, yes it is not a big deal at all and OP is overreacting. But based on what OP said about the nanny favoring the older DC and not treating the younger one equally paints a whole different story.

OP, sometimes you have to go with your gut feeling. If it is telling you that the nanny isn't treating both children equally then you need to have a conversation with her. Don't mention the birthday thing because that may look petty even though I understand while it is a small thing, many small things can add up to a big thing.

OP-you are fishing for people to agree with you here and, obviously, most of us don't.
There are many reasons she could have forgotten (least of all, she is a human being who occasionally lets things slip her mind) and you are overlooking them all in search for some much more sinister meaning. If you are taking this misunderstanding so personally, you have much bigger problems than a forgotten birthday. Reflect a little, figure out what the real issue is and drop the forgotten birthday. No good will come of bringing it up.

Haven't you ever gone on vacation and lost track of what day it is? I do it all the time. She's human and she forgot. Not a big deal, really.

If there are larger issues regarding her treatment of the second child, focus on those without reading too much into the birthday thing.

Anonymous wrote:11:50 finally got it. If this were an isolated oversight then no big deal. But since you mention she is already slighting the youngest that is the big deal. That is not healthy.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A one year old does not need gifts. You are being overly dramatic. It is just a job. It is your family, not hers. She can be loving and caring but its a job. It could end any day she or you choose and never see each other again.

I am sorry but you seem to be missing my point. I do not expect gifts from her or to handle celebrations for us as other PPs implied. I am surprised she did not remember her birthday which is out of character for our nanny. She has been with us for nearly 4 years and always said "Happy Birthday" for all of our birthdays. In fact, for my son's birthday she usually makes a big deal of it and discusses what to get him, etc. It's not required or expected. She just does it. I always make sure also we give her a big gift for her birthday too and for all the other occasions. So, I am wondering whether this could be a sign the nanny did not click with my new daughter.

This month has been completely crazy for me and I don't even celebrate Christmas. Perhaps she really just forgot. If you don't like her, fire her. But you're creating a problem where nobody else sees one but you.

Maybe she was broke? My charge also has a December birthday, and I honestly didn't have the money to buy him an extra gift. I felt like shit, and I didn't explain it to my bosses, but I just couldn't afford it. It doesn't mean that my other charge means more to me, just that August birthdays are easier to accommodate financially.

11:50 finally got it. If this were an isolated oversight then no big deal. But since you mention she is already slighting the youngest that is the big deal. That is not healthy.