Anonymous wrote:And how old is he??

He's a few years younger than I am - mid 20's.

OP here -- thanks to everyone for the great advice. For the most part, this has confirmed my feeling that this is not the right fit for a lot of reasons. I know it's not perfect for her either because she's constantly worried about why we aren't clicking -- she asks my husband about it all the time.

And for the PP below -- give me a friggin' break. Did you not read my original post where I specifically asked about whether I should overlook my needs in favor of the nanny continuing the relationship with my kid?

Anonymous wrote:Can't say I have much respect for parents who are convinced that their needs are the only ones that should matter.
If the nanny talks too much, can't you separate yourselves like big girls?

I remember a MB telling me how freaked out she was about a man responding to her need for the care of her infant daughter. And she's pro everyone!

And how old is he??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. Find someone else pronto. Give her a nice reference letter.

That shit would drive me nuts too. I love our manny, but am also firmly in the camp of "he is an employee, NOT a 'member of the family'".

Your kids must be older.

My kid is 2.

Girl? Boy? Potty-trained? Am obviously courious about the whole manny thing, and if some parents are ok with a manny diapering their daughters.

Our child is a girl. We've had the same manny since she was an infant. She is not toilet trained yet. I have no problem with trusted men, including our manny (and BIL, and cousins) diapering our daughter. (Men are not inherently pedophiles.)

Did you already know him before you hired him?

Nope. He was brand new to us.

Is he gay or strait?

Can't say I have much respect for parents who are convinced that their needs are the only ones that should matter.
If the nanny talks too much, can't you separate yourselves like big girls?

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps it'd be more productive and less confusing, to advertise for a companion. A potential applicant would have a better understanding of your priorities, and you can proceed accordingly. Maybe your nanny could accommodate some of your child's needs to.

Bitter much? She has completely valid points.

Perhaps it'd be more productive and less confusing, to advertise for a companion. A potential applicant would have a better understanding of your priorities, and you can proceed accordingly. Maybe your nanny could accommodate some of your child's needs to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling. OP, you will have problems with any nanny.

Same thought here.

OP you will NOT have problems with "any nanny". My type of personality would be clash with her. Getting along with the person you trust with your child is super important. I'm sure her personality will fit in well with another family.

Maybe you could kindly put in your reference letter for her that she was super detail oriented with your child's day both verbally and in a well prepared log. It is totally honest!!

This is obviously why families have trial periods!

Best of luck to you and to her!

Good points, 17:36. I'm the PP you're quoting, btw.

I'm not entirely sure I agree with you. Your measures are a pretty low bar, in my opinion. That said, your points are well worth considering.

Thanks for posting.

Anonymous wrote:Let's stay on topic.

OP, you need a new nanny. If the best thing you can say about her is that your child seems to like her and she basically does what you ask....that's no ringing endorsement.

I disagree with the PP who suggests giving her a good reference. Why would you give a good reference to a marginal employee?

She should give a good reference because (if):

The nanny was reliable and on time for work
The nanny performed her assigned duties
The nanny showed an interest and ability in bonding with the children

OP's only complaint is that this woman is not the right fit for her family; completely fair but not a reason to give a poor reference.

Let's stay on topic.

OP, you need a new nanny. If the best thing you can say about her is that your child seems to like her and she basically does what you ask....that's no ringing endorsement.

I disagree with the PP who suggests giving her a good reference. Why would you give a good reference to a marginal employee?

This is one of the problems with an older nanny. She's set in her ways, thinks she knows best about everything, and wants to lecture you since you 'don't know any better.'

Find a new nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. Find someone else pronto. Give her a nice reference letter.

That shit would drive me nuts too. I love our manny, but am also firmly in the camp of "he is an employee, NOT a 'member of the family'".

Your kids must be older.

My kid is 2.

Girl? Boy? Potty-trained? Am obviously courious about the whole manny thing, and if some parents are ok with a manny diapering their daughters.

Our child is a girl. We've had the same manny since she was an infant. She is not toilet trained yet. I have no problem with trusted men, including our manny (and BIL, and cousins) diapering our daughter. (Men are not inherently pedophiles.)

Did you already know him before you hired him?

Nope. He was brand new to us.

Find a new nanny, give her a good reference. During the hiring process this time be sure to put an emphasis on the kind of personality you want to hire - your ease and compatibility with your nanny are as important as her connection with the kids.

-a nanny