Not everyone feels the same way. I think our manny may be bi, but am not sure. I would never ask. We'd like him just the same no matter who he's attracted to, and he'd be welcome to answer our child honestly.

You need to know your audience. Unfortunately some people have objections to and are afraid of lifestyles different from their own.

OP sounds like our storyteller.

But anyway, OP my MB and DB don't know I have a boyfriend. They don't know when I'm seeing him and when I'm not. I don't feel like I'm hiding any part of my identity, it just isn't something I need to talk about at work. Not sure why you feel your sexual life needs to be a part of your job either, or why you can't just say, "Oh, Samantha and I are heading up to the lake this weekend." "Oh is she a friend of yours?" "Yes." -- you know? Why does it need to be a big disclosure?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I am a little overwhelmed by the negative responses here.

To answer some questions, I am in the DC metro area, have been with the family for a long time, and MB and I have a wonderful friendly relationship. I work very hard and adore the children and cannot imagine losing this job, so I'll just continue the way I have been going with this. I'll keep it my business.

And I'll reiterate. This is not about what I do in bed. This is about just being able to be honest in everyday conversation without having to make up silly little lies.

I'm "out" in every other aspect of my life, and so yeah, of course this bothers me.

A big THANK YOU to the progressive thinkers here, by the way!

I'm one of the negative responders. I'm only being honest with you to save you from heartache. You're making the right decision keeping things private. My only point is that your sexual orientation is none of their business and like it or not, sharing something like this could very well put you out of a job.

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you're just itching to shout it from the rooftops. Keep it to yourself if you don't want to risk losing your job. It's not like you're not allowed to come out to your family

Are you gay? Do you have any clue what you are talking about? Doubtful. Wanting to be honest about your daily life with the people you are around most is not "shouting it from the rooftops".
OP- I've been there and have taken different routes each time. I am not openly readable as gay but most of the families I have worked with have figured it out on their own. Only you know how you think they will react and only you can decide what is more important, being honest (and ending the consant uncomfortable elephant in the room anytime something personal comes up) or potentially needing to find a new job.
If you already sense that this might be a tense topic, there isn't going to be an easy solution. Good luck and try to ignore the infuriating morons who are responding negatively.

OP here. I am a little overwhelmed by the negative responses here.

To answer some questions, I am in the DC metro area, have been with the family for a long time, and MB and I have a wonderful friendly relationship. I work very hard and adore the children and cannot imagine losing this job, so I'll just continue the way I have been going with this. I'll keep it my business.

And I'll reiterate. This is not about what I do in bed. This is about just being able to be honest in everyday conversation without having to make up silly little lies.

I'm "out" in every other aspect of my life, and so yeah, of course this bothers me.

A big THANK YOU to the progressive thinkers here, by the way!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, because if you were my nanny, I would not want you to discuss it with my children.

Agreed. Keep it to yourself. It is YOUR private life and you do not need to inflict your lifestyle choice on those children.

If you think she chose this lifestyle you are indeed ignorant.

Seems like you're just itching to shout it from the rooftops. Keep it to yourself if you don't want to risk losing your job. It's not like you're not allowed to come out to your family

OP, a lot depends on what you want to do and who you work for/what the parents are like.

I'm an MB. If you worked for me I would consider your personal life none of my business, but I would absolutely want you to be (and support you in being) open and honest (appropriately of course) about who you are.

I'm someone who grew up w/ gay family members, gay friends, etc... most of whom are in lifelong loving relationships (and now a few marriages - YAY!) so this wouldn't be an issue for me at all. Nor would you be the first gay person my kids know or are close with or to whom I've entrusted them for care.

But obviously what is considered normal in my house is not viewed the same way in others so a critical factor here will be how you gauge the likely reaction from your bosses.

Regardless, I think you're right to anticipate the questions - kids ask stuff, and parent appreciate the opportunity to moderate (to some extent) the way they are given information about subject matter they may consider more difficult to discuss. Where these parents are in terms of viewpoint only you can guess.

May I suggest though, that if they are moderately reasonable people, if they're not 22, if they seem to have a fairly reasonable outlook on life, then they may already have figured out that you're gay and decided it's no big deal? They may not ask about it (respecting your privacy) but they might not be the least bit surprised and perhaps they'd be very welcoming and supportive. At least that's how I hope they will be...

Good luck.

Just say your gf's name when you asked if you're talking about plans. No need to label your relationship. If the kids ask if you have a bf say no but you have a best friend. I'm assuming your SO is your best friend so it's no lying. The kids don't need to know you do anything sexual and having a companion that is the same-sex isn't odd. The parents will prob figure it out on their own. Or you can just ask them how you should handle questions about your gf to their children. I don't understand the need to make a huge deal over this or hide. If the kids go to any type of diverse school they will encounter same sex families so depending on their age they probably won't be so confused. But than again I live in Boston and work for a lesbian couple so my views are extremely liberal. I see same sex couples/families all around the city everyday, so if your in a small community it might be more of a shock.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB who would have no problem with this. However, my educated and otherwise progressive husband once said that he would not want our kids to have a gay teacher because that might make the gay lifestyle seem normal (aka a legitimate option) to young kids. He's since come around, but I suspect that his thinking back then still resonates with a lot of parents. So, you are right to proceed with caution.

I'm glad to hear he has "since come around" as a gay lifestyle is normal.

A relatively small % of people are gay compared to the entire population. So it is certainly not the norm

1:37 again. The fact that something is relatively uncommon doesn't mean that it isn't normal.

Exactly. A small percentage of the worlds population are true blondes or red heads, is that also not normal? Or blue eyes? Or have a widows peak?

Exactly. The world's real minority is blue eyed blondes.

Anonymous wrote:Just tell her you have plans with a friend. Is it really necessary for your employer to know this friend is actually your lover? You're creating drama where it's not needed.

Agree. Healthy boundaries are in order here, OP. Keep your personal life personal. Your employer isn't your "friend". I know it's harder for live-ins, which is why they should be paid more, not less.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB who would have no problem with this. However, my educated and otherwise progressive husband once said that he would not want our kids to have a gay teacher because that might make the gay lifestyle seem normal (aka a legitimate option) to young kids. He's since come around, but I suspect that his thinking back then still resonates with a lot of parents. So, you are right to proceed with caution.

I'm glad to hear he has "since come around" as a gay lifestyle is normal.

A relatively small % of people are gay compared to the entire population. So it is certainly not the norm

1:37 again. The fact that something is relatively uncommon doesn't mean that it isn't normal.

Exactly. A small percentage of the worlds population are true blondes or red heads, is that also not normal? Or blue eyes? Or have a widows peak?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB who would have no problem with this. However, my educated and otherwise progressive husband once said that he would not want our kids to have a gay teacher because that might make the gay lifestyle seem normal (aka a legitimate option) to young kids. He's since come around, but I suspect that his thinking back then still resonates with a lot of parents. So, you are right to proceed with caution.

I'm glad to hear he has "since come around" as a gay lifestyle is normal.

A relatively small % of people are gay compared to the entire population. So it is certainly not the norm

1:37 again. The fact that something is relatively uncommon doesn't mean that it isn't normal.

Some folks are ignorant and see gay adults as pedophiles.

Completely uneducated and stupid, but you wouldn't believe how many people still believe this BS.

It all depends on certain factors OP.

How is the family? Are they really religious? If so, they probably see homosexuality as sinful since the bible condemns it.

Are they from another culture? Some cultures, like Russians, do not view it as favorably as Americans.

Do you live in a bible belt area?

How close are you to the family? Do you feel you should keep things professional only or do you feel comfortable in them knowing about your personal life?

All these factor in on whether or not you want to tell them your sexual orientation or not.

Keep in mind however, that you do not have to tell them at all. Even if you work for them for five yrs. It is a non issue.