Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I'm not defending failing to parent your kids. You missed my point though. If a nanny is with the kids five days a week for nine hours a day, I completely agree that that is the majority of the waking hours for those days. The parents are working for those nine hours too. Asduming you don't have kids yourself, then at the end of your nine hours, you get to go home and spend four of five hours on your own, sleep through the night, wake up and get showered and dressed on your own. On the weekends, you sleep until whenever you want, relax, run your errands, go out with friends if you want to. You show up Monday morning ready to focus on the kids and be a great, consistent nanny because you are refreshed, you've got all your errands done, you've had time for yourself.

A parent works nine hours just like you do. How do you feel at the end of your work day? Probably tired and like you need a break. Most people are not as good at their jobs, at being consistent, when they're tired. Parents come home feeling like that, but then they spend another three hours getting dinner on the table, playing with kids, giving them a bath, putting them to bed. They probably get an hour truly to themselves if they go to bed at like 10pm. On the weekends, they do your job. And not just from 8-5. They do it from 6:30am to 9pm both days. They do it while they're trying toget stuff done around the house and run errands. Again, they might get an hour or two to themselves on the weekend.

I'm not saying all this is impossible or complaining that I have it so hard. I love being a mom and I love working. I'm asking you to see how setting boundaries, being consistent, having them clean up every single time, etc is difficult when you're trying to do all that stuff on your second shift after you've already worked all day and when you get very little time to yourself.

I'm not saying we don't do it. I'm not saying let your kids run wild. I'm saying its difficult to do and asking nannies to have a little compassion if their MB doesn't run a ship quite as tight as you do.

+1000000. I could not agree with this more. I'm not saying this excuses OP's MBs behavior or absolves her from being a parent to her children. I work long hours and still come home and am consistent with my children and they are just as well behaved around me as they are with the nanny. I try VERY hard to keep it that way because as a PP said, why have children if you aren't going to put the work in to raise them properly. HOWEVER, unless they have children themselves, no nanny will every understand that being a nanny is NOT the same as being a parent. Don't get me wrong, nannies work extremely hard and deserve every minute of their time off, but it is just that: time off. When a nanny goes home her time is her own until she comes back to work. She has weekends to feel refreshed and ready to start a new work week. She can sleep in on weekends and relax and run errands without dragging children with her. As a parent I haven't had a good night sleep in literally years. Yes, it was my choice to have children and I wouldn't change that for the world but I do think nannies could try to be a little more compassionate to parents. Being a nanny is not the same.

Pity the live-in nanny who doesn't get to sleep in on the weekends. She may even get her wages reduced for that privilege if she's not so bright.

Anonymous wrote:No one has said that being a nanny is identical to bein a parent. But when I, as a nanny do everything in my power to give you the easiest possible, most color-by-number version of parenting and you declare that that minimal quantity of effort to just complete what I have set up is too much work, then it's incredibly frustrating.

I am 12:41. On weeknights, my Mb and DB (and I blamed only MB because that's who we were discussing) have 3 hours withtheir children. All they have to do in that time is eat the meal I have already prepared, wash dinner dishes and put the kids to bed. This is a constant struggle. On weekends, I have leftovers for the kids lunches, and family dinners prepared. All the shopping for the house and the kids and all grocery shopping, laundry, dry cleaning is done.

If they have any errands, they are related to the yard, home or car repair or personal shopping, which, as a homeowner, I know is a tiny proportion of the actual work of running a household. The kids have zero screen time on my watch, and they spend very little time playing at home as we are on outings most days, so the kids are ready to just watch tv and play with toys with minimal supervision. So when it is obvious that the parents--between two adults and in ideal circumstances can't manage to provide a basic level of discipline, then yes, I wonder what is thr point of even trying to give these kids a normal childhood?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I'm not defending failing to parent your kids. You missed my point though. If a nanny is with the kids five days a week for nine hours a day, I completely agree that that is the majority of the waking hours for those days. The parents are working for those nine hours too. Asduming you don't have kids yourself, then at the end of your nine hours, you get to go home and spend four of five hours on your own, sleep through the night, wake up and get showered and dressed on your own. On the weekends, you sleep until whenever you want, relax, run your errands, go out with friends if you want to. You show up Monday morning ready to focus on the kids and be a great, consistent nanny because you are refreshed, you've got all your errands done, you've had time for yourself.

A parent works nine hours just like you do. How do you feel at the end of your work day? Probably tired and like you need a break. Most people are not as good at their jobs, at being consistent, when they're tired. Parents come home feeling like that, but then they spend another three hours getting dinner on the table, playing with kids, giving them a bath, putting them to bed. They probably get an hour truly to themselves if they go to bed at like 10pm. On the weekends, they do your job. And not just from 8-5. They do it from 6:30am to 9pm both days. They do it while they're trying toget stuff done around the house and run errands. Again, they might get an hour or two to themselves on the weekend.

I'm not saying all this is impossible or complaining that I have it so hard. I love being a mom and I love working. I'm asking you to see how setting boundaries, being consistent, having them clean up every single time, etc is difficult when you're trying to do all that stuff on your second shift after you've already worked all day and when you get very little time to yourself.

I'm not saying we don't do it. I'm not saying let your kids run wild. I'm saying its difficult to do and asking nannies to have a little compassion if their MB doesn't run a ship quite as tight as you do.

+1000000. I could not agree with this more. I'm not saying this excuses OP's MBs behavior or absolves her from being a parent to her children. I work long hours and still come home and am consistent with my children and they are just as well behaved around me as they are with the nanny. I try VERY hard to keep it that way because as a PP said, why have children if you aren't going to put the work in to raise them properly. HOWEVER, unless they have children themselves, no nanny will every understand that being a nanny is NOT the same as being a parent. Don't get me wrong, nannies work extremely hard and deserve every minute of their time off, but it is just that: time off. When a nanny goes home her time is her own until she comes back to work. She has weekends to feel refreshed and ready to start a new work week. She can sleep in on weekends and relax and run errands without dragging children with her. As a parent I haven't had a good night sleep in literally years. Yes, it was my choice to have children and I wouldn't change that for the world but I do think nannies could try to be a little more compassionate to parents. Being a nanny is not the same.

Pity the live-in nanny who doesn't get to sleep in on the weekends. She may even get her wages reduced for that privilege if she's not so bright.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP, I'm not defending failing to parent your kids. You missed my point though. If a nanny is with the kids five days a week for nine hours a day, I completely agree that that is the majority of the waking hours for those days. The parents are working for those nine hours too. Asduming you don't have kids yourself, then at the end of your nine hours, you get to go home and spend four of five hours on your own, sleep through the night, wake up and get showered and dressed on your own. On the weekends, you sleep until whenever you want, relax, run your errands, go out with friends if you want to. You show up Monday morning ready to focus on the kids and be a great, consistent nanny because you are refreshed, you've got all your errands done, you've had time for yourself.

A parent works nine hours just like you do. How do you feel at the end of your work day? Probably tired and like you need a break. Most people are not as good at their jobs, at being consistent, when they're tired. Parents come home feeling like that, but then they spend another three hours getting dinner on the table, playing with kids, giving them a bath, putting them to bed. They probably get an hour truly to themselves if they go to bed at like 10pm. On the weekends, they do your job. And not just from 8-5. They do it from 6:30am to 9pm both days. They do it while they're trying toget stuff done around the house and run errands. Again, they might get an hour or two to themselves on the weekend.

I'm not saying all this is impossible or complaining that I have it so hard. I love being a mom and I love working. I'm asking you to see how setting boundaries, being consistent, having them clean up every single time, etc is difficult when you're trying to do all that stuff on your second shift after you've already worked all day and when you get very little time to yourself.

I'm not saying we don't do it. I'm not saying let your kids run wild. I'm saying its difficult to do and asking nannies to have a little compassion if their MB doesn't run a ship quite as tight as you do.

+1000000. I could not agree with this more. I'm not saying this excuses OP's MBs behavior or absolves her from being a parent to her children. I work long hours and still come home and am consistent with my children and they are just as well behaved around me as they are with the nanny. I try VERY hard to keep it that way because as a PP said, why have children if you aren't going to put the work in to raise them properly. HOWEVER, unless they have children themselves, no nanny will every understand that being a nanny is NOT the same as being a parent. Don't get me wrong, nannies work extremely hard and deserve every minute of their time off, but it is just that: time off. When a nanny goes home her time is her own until she comes back to work. She has weekends to feel refreshed and ready to start a new work week. She can sleep in on weekends and relax and run errands without dragging children with her. As a parent I haven't had a good night sleep in literally years. Yes, it was my choice to have children and I wouldn't change that for the world but I do think nannies could try to be a little more compassionate to parents. Being a nanny is not the same.

Anonymous wrote:PP, I'm not defending failing to parent your kids. You missed my point though. If a nanny is with the kids five days a week for nine hours a day, I completely agree that that is the majority of the waking hours for those days. The parents are working for those nine hours too. Asduming you don't have kids yourself, then at the end of your nine hours, you get to go home and spend four of five hours on your own, sleep through the night, wake up and get showered and dressed on your own. On the weekends, you sleep until whenever you want, relax, run your errands, go out with friends if you want to. You show up Monday morning ready to focus on the kids and be a great, consistent nanny because you are refreshed, you've got all your errands done, you've had time for yourself.

A parent works nine hours just like you do. How do you feel at the end of your work day? Probably tired and like you need a break. Most people are not as good at their jobs, at being consistent, when they're tired. Parents come home feeling like that, but then they spend another three hours getting dinner on the table, playing with kids, giving them a bath, putting them to bed. They probably get an hour truly to themselves if they go to bed at like 10pm. On the weekends, they do your job. And not just from 8-5. They do it from 6:30am to 9pm both days. They do it while they're trying toget stuff done around the house and run errands. Again, they might get an hour or two to themselves on the weekend.

I'm not saying all this is impossible or complaining that I have it so hard. I love being a mom and I love working. I'm asking you to see how setting boundaries, being consistent, having them clean up every single time, etc is difficult when you're trying to do all that stuff on your second shift after you've already worked all day and when you get very little time to yourself.

I'm not saying we don't do it. I'm not saying let your kids run wild. I'm saying its difficult to do and asking nannies to have a little compassion if their MB doesn't run a ship quite as tight as you do.

Anonymous wrote:I get it, OP. i get up with the kids, get them ready, they eat breakfast with MB or DB, then they go to school or we have an outing (on school days I do errands or laundry). I get them from school, we clean up whatever toys are out from the night before, we play and do any homework/projects, I give them baths and get them into pajamas, I make dinner for the family and MB and DB just have to feed them dinner and tuck them into bed and do the dishes. The end. I do all shopping for clothes, shoes, pull-ups, take them to appointments, etc., but still MB is somehow to burnt out to do basic parenting tasks like getting them to bed on time on school nights.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound too stringent with the kids. It's good to have rules but from the tone of your posts, you come across as unaffectionate and maybe that's difficult for mom to witness.

I disagree. At least the nanny is being responsible here.

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound too stringent with the kids. It's good to have rules but from the tone of your posts, you come across as unaffectionate and maybe that's difficult for mom to witness.

Anonymous wrote:But remember that this is your job and then you get to go home. It's easier for most people to be consistent with kids when you're only doing it 9 hours a day and then you have all your evenings and weekends to get your own stuff done and relax. It's much more difficult when you are trying to be consistent (e.g. Make the kids clean up their toys every single time) after you've already worked all day, got home, tried to make dinner with kids climbing all over you, and you're desperately trying to get them to her so you can finish all your chores and hopefully have a minte to yourself. Same thing on the weekends - you've worked all week, then you get woken up at 6:30am on Saturday and the kids are already wired and you have a million errands to run, but the kids want you to pay attention to them, and so on.