Your kid sounds like a brat; you sound like a cheap PITA.

Oh please. Seriously? Come on.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have to assume from reading what you wrote OP, that the nanny most likely used a louder and more firm voice while your daughter was not listening (you have said that she has been acting up recently) and that is what your daughter took as yelling (many kids can not differentiate the 2).

I think that the pinch thing is most likely just made up, especially since the story changed with daughter asking nanny to not pinch her and nanny saying no. I think that was just part of her changing attitude of lately. As you said your baby is 6 months old, your older daughter is most likely trying to still figure out her role in your lives as well as the baby's and testing out ways of getting more attention as babies tend to take over most of that from the parents.

I think you just need to talk to your nanny about ways that you both can show that the older child is still getting lots of POSITIVE attention, make sure that nanny is not yelling but using a more stern voice instead for times when needed, and just try and work out any stress that all parties involved might have due to the behavior.

+1 this!

Yes, I agree also. Your daughter may be a lovely child, but she is definitely at an age where creative imaginations, hurt feelings, etc... can lead to seriously embellished or imagined events. I would give you nanny the MAJOR benefit of the doubt, especially given her tenure with you, your knowledge of her approach having been at home for a time, etc...

Obviously you can't possibly share the full context of a situation in a single post, but given what little I know here I would frankly assume the nanny did absolutely nothing wrong and your daughter is just going through an understandably tough adjustment.

+3 I also don't believe the nanny did anything remotely resembling a pinch.

As a nanny myself, I use the minimum amount of physical force required to safely manage a child. This means when he is comfortably riding in my arms, I hold him gently, and when he has a death grip on the baby's carseat and is trying to hit her in the face, I hold his arms very firmly. Obviously there is no pinching, no bruising, and no yelling from me, but I use a very stern voice and could see how, if he were a bit older and put out with me for the discipline, my strong grip and firm maneuvering of him could be translated into a story much like your daughter's.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I hate to have to ask you this. How much increase are you paying the nanny for baby care? Of course it souldn't matter whatsoever, but if you're giving her 2 dollars extra, she's likely resentful and over-stressed as a result. Pay her more or get another nanny who'll be pleased with your rate.

This s crap. My very first nanny job was for 3 kids under 5 and I made $300 a week for 50 hours. I was so overwhelmed, frustrated, and would cry several times a week (I was 18 on my own and needed the money). Never once did I think about hurting the kids. Anyone who tries to say lack of proper pay is an acceptable excuse for hurting a kid is absolutely ridiculous.

I'm a nanny who has been reading this thread and generally agreeing with other PP's that it's likely the nanny raised her voice but didn't intentionally "pinch" or hurt your child.

I would ask your DC to tell the story again and see if details have changed. Children around this age have wild imaginations and are very good at embellishing the truth.

I would also bring this up to your nanny. I would let her know what your DC told you and see what she says.

I also want to note that sometimes there are caregivers that appear fabulous and great but really aren't.

Extremely personal example:

As a young 3-4 year old child, I told my mother that a babysitter was extremely inappropriate with me and my mother never confronted the sitter or stopped using her. As an adult, I resent my mother for not protecting me as a child when I told her what happened to me and she did nothing about it. I believe that I chose to be a nanny at a very young age because I wanted to protect children and felt like if I could protect even 1 child, I was making a difference.

I don't usually share my experience with people but I just felt that it's necessary to point out that while children can have wild imaginations, they also could be telling the truth.

Seriously, this sounds like making a mountain out of a molehill.

Perhaps there is a slim chance that your long-standing, excellent nanny spoke sternly and maybe (MAYBE!!!) slightly hurt your daugher accidentally.

Perhaps.

Heck, that could be said of me a gazillion times a week w/ either of my kids.

Life happens. Kids are difficult, kids lie (or exagerrate or embellish or believe something they think about hard enough).

Talk to your nanny about how your daughter might be having a tough time, but don't overreact. You'll make this into a much bigger problem (as you know) by potentially making the nanny feel questioned, or by indulging your daughter and teaching her that this is an effective tactic, or by simply making way too much of one tiny isolated (perhaps even total non-even) incident.

OP, i agree with much of what has been said. I also would suspect that your nanny injured the child or hurt her in some way that was hatchable and accidental (putting her in a chair, picking her up, adjusting her in some way that she did not like). Given the age and stress that the child is under, along with the fact that your nanny has a history of being gentle and positive in her interactions with your child, I would assume that this was a misunderstanding on your child's part. That said, there is obviously some growing negativity between the two of them. While I doubt that that is going to make a competent and loving nanny suddenly become abusive, I do think that you want to find a way to work through this. I would talk to the nanny about ways to get some positive interactions going between her and your older child.

Ah the fun lying years. In the past few week, my 3 year old has claimed I've tried to bite off his arm, tried to tear his elephant's trunk off, tried to feed him poison, and made him walk to the store (a mile away) to buy me candy. Although, I think my favorite was the day DH came home and DS ran into his arms saying I tried to throw all his toys out the window because I hated him.

OP, I would talk to your nanny but don't make it sound accusatory. You yourself don't believe your kid. But it also sounds like you need to devise a way to deal with your kid's change in attitude. Not just for the nanny, but yourself too. You both seem to be losing patience with her and while I wouldn't want a nanny (or mom) to yell at their kid, I do understand how buttons can be pushed for so long that you finally just erupt.

She probably held the child's arm when sitting him/her down, and being stern, so your child called it a "pinch".

+1 to what the pp said above. You didn't say exactly how old she is, but in the preschool years, they often figure out how to lie. She was truthful before, but as her thinking has gotten more complicated, she may have just figured out how to exaggerate and lie. It sounds like she is having a really difficult adjustment period and that would make it even more likely to occur. I would say right off the bat that you are thinking this isn't true when you bring this up to your nanny. It is really hard as a nanny to hear such a thing, especially when they didn't do it.

I believe it is important to always listen to your children and to be their advocate but kids this age definitely tell tall tales.
I was a nanny for a wonderful 3 y/o little boy. He told his family an elaborate story about he and I flying to China with Indiana Jones for Christmas. It was very detailed.

Another time, while I stayed with him while his parents were in Europe, his teacher told me that he told her that he was alone at his house and had been walking to school by himself.

Keep an eye out for signs of abuse or neglect.

I poked my charge in the eye last week. It was totally an accident, but it happened. Of course she burst into the house and immediately announced to her mom "Rachel poked me really hard in the eyeballs!" Thank goodness I was right behind her to explain.

I think if I were a parent that might be the key - if the nanny announces to the parent what happened or not.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have to assume from reading what you wrote OP, that the nanny most likely used a louder and more firm voice while your daughter was not listening (you have said that she has been acting up recently) and that is what your daughter took as yelling (many kids can not differentiate the 2).

I think that the pinch thing is most likely just made up, especially since the story changed with daughter asking nanny to not pinch her and nanny saying no. I think that was just part of her changing attitude of lately. As you said your baby is 6 months old, your older daughter is most likely trying to still figure out her role in your lives as well as the baby's and testing out ways of getting more attention as babies tend to take over most of that from the parents.

I think you just need to talk to your nanny about ways that you both can show that the older child is still getting lots of POSITIVE attention, make sure that nanny is not yelling but using a more stern voice instead for times when needed, and just try and work out any stress that all parties involved might have due to the behavior.

+1 this!

Yes, I agree also. Your daughter may be a lovely child, but she is definitely at an age where creative imaginations, hurt feelings, etc... can lead to seriously embellished or imagined events. I would give you nanny the MAJOR benefit of the doubt, especially given her tenure with you, your knowledge of her approach having been at home for a time, etc...

Obviously you can't possibly share the full context of a situation in a single post, but given what little I know here I would frankly assume the nanny did absolutely nothing wrong and your daughter is just going through an understandably tough adjustment.

I think if your nanny pinch your kid because she having problem herself,you need to com front her,I have 22 years of experience and I never ,never did that to any kid
I think nanny need to be very ,very sweet with kids,Thank My Dear Lord Always My boss give some compliment how I am kind and gently with them.
Please talk to her.

Anonymous wrote:You need a nanny cam.

You can't put one everywhere. So get someone you don't need to worry about.