You are asking too much for little $$$ probably

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I work long hours and on the average I am home at 8:30 pm. I find myself yelling at the kids to scramble and get things done. They have not had dinner, so I have to quickly get that together. DH is useless in this area, so it is best that he just stay at work. So I want someone who can get some of the tasks done for me.
The laundry is three loads per week, not per day. And it is only the kids clothes so no fancy folding and sorting.
I want some time with them where I can be calm. I am the ONLY person who makes them do anything and I come off as the bad guy. They prefer the sitters to me, but that is because the sitters ask nothing of them. So I ask, what's in it for me.
I have given thought to cheaper sitters who do nothing but make sure that no one gets hurt. But I can't pay the premium rate for Ms. Niceguy who asks nothing of them.

Can you afford a 25-30/hr premium for a real nanny who knows how to do her job properly?

Can you afford a $75-100/hr premium for a real musician who knows how to do all that and play the flute at the same time?

Maybe, PP, you have a friend or relative who'll be less expensive?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I work long hours and on the average I am home at 8:30 pm. I find myself yelling at the kids to scramble and get things done. They have not had dinner, so I have to quickly get that together. DH is useless in this area, so it is best that he just stay at work. So I want someone who can get some of the tasks done for me.
The laundry is three loads per week, not per day. And it is only the kids clothes so no fancy folding and sorting.
I want some time with them where I can be calm. I am the ONLY person who makes them do anything and I come off as the bad guy. They prefer the sitters to me, but that is because the sitters ask nothing of them. So I ask, what's in it for me.
I have given thought to cheaper sitters who do nothing but make sure that no one gets hurt. But I can't pay the premium rate for Ms. Niceguy who asks nothing of them.

Can you afford a 25-30/hr premium for a real nanny who knows how to do her job properly?

Can you afford a $75-100/hr premium for a real musician who knows how to do all that and play the flute at the same time?

You're hiring sitters but what you want is a nanny.

You'll need to pay more or adjust your expectations.

I think you need to stop letting your sitters get away with doing nothing. They should of at least eaten by the time you get back.
I think the laundry might be tricky depending on how long the cycle lasts for but they could at least start it off.
They need to get into the habit of getting home from school, sitter puts in a load of laundry while children get straight down to homework. The sitter can then make dinner. While they eat she can switch the laundry. Then they can tidy their rooms(though I don't agree with the rooms being left untidy so that the nanny gets the bad aspect oftidying it up, thekids should be made totidy it up as they go along) and then if theres time 20-30mins to play a game while they all take it in turns to have a shower.

Anonymous wrote:This is one case where I agree with the irritating poster who is always pointing out the difference between nannies and sitters. To me, a sitter doesn't do laundry, she basically just sits, keeps the kids safe and maybe puts together dinner. That would be worth $10-15/hr, depending on the age and experience of the sitter.

You are looking for a part time nanny who will take more responsibility, like laundry and guaranteed meal prep. This would be more expensive, $15-18/hr in DC, likely on the higher end because a PT nanny is harder to find than a FT one.

Try writing a detailed job description and advertising for a PT nanny and you may have better luck in candidates. You may have to hire and fire a few to get the perfect match because good nannies are hard to find, but they are out there. Good luck.

I am a part time nanny and I totally agree with this. There is a world of difference between what I do and what their sitter does. I am paid $20 an hour (have been with them for 6 years) and typically work 15-20 hours per week. I do much of what you described with the exception of laundry. I cook dinner, clean up, load/unload dishwasher, take trash out, help with homework, help with showers, take them to practice and a few other things.

It's not all that easy dealing with kids that age. They were much easier when they were toddlers. They are mouthy and resistant to any kind of chores or responsibility. It's hard to "make" them do things, especially if the parents don't back you up. I'm not saying this is true in your case, just offering another perspective.

Because I'm in charge of all this, I know I'm not the kids "favorite" anymore. I feel much like you with the constant battling. They would much rather hang out with the summer sitter. She is fun and let's them do anything they want to do. The eat junk, don't shower or do summer homework, and the house is a mess when MB comes home. I'm not sure how much they pay her, I think its $15 an hour.

I love the kids but I'm working for MB, not them. You need to find someone with the same approach. Someone who loves them and will have fun with them, but someone who has a backbone also. Also, make sure to tell the nanny what is expected of her. MB gets really upset about their sitter but will never say anything. Communication is key.

Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:Wait, OP. You just said your sitter was playing with the kids and her child. She brings her kid to work? How old is her child? That could be your problem. If she is watching her own kid, she can't be doing the job you hired her for.

Also, if she is bringing her child, you are paying well at $15/hr.

yes, she brings her child who is also 8.
We will never allow that again, but there have been some who came alone and did nothing all day.
I never asked for any janitorial work when they were little, but now since they are lower maintenance, I find that they should be able to squeeze in some time for a couple of loads a week.

Wait, OP. You just said your sitter was playing with the kids and her child. She brings her kid to work? How old is her child? That could be your problem. If she is watching her own kid, she can't be doing the job you hired her for.

Also, if she is bringing her child, you are paying well at $15/hr.

Op it's not that you don't pay enough $15hr is ok. It's more that you only need 12-15hrs a week. A nanny with great multitasking skills and a lot of exp is going to want 25-30+ hours a week because its an income. However there are solutions!! Look for someone who works at your kids school that already has a full time job and will be decent with kids. Teachers aids and lunch ladies come to mind. Also consider looking for someone better suited to housework with child supervision as secondary since they are older. Just a few suggestions GL.

OP here.
Last night I got home at 5:30 after leaving in the morning at 6:30.
I was tired.
Still had to make dinner from scratch and clean up. The sitter was out in the yard playing with the kids and her child. They were laughing and having a blast.
Then I had to beg them to eat. The vitamins and tooth brushing. Then when it came to doing their summer reading and math, they screamed at me. We fought, they called me names, but it got done. They want to know why I can't play with them like the sitter.
I went to beg exhausted at 10:30 pm.
I did not do anything but fight with my kids.
I want the sitter to do the hard stuff, not play. I want her to knock off two work sheets.

16:23 again - also I meant to say that I think the part-time nature of the position is particularly relevant. $15/hr for a 50-60 hour work week is significant income. $15/hr for a part-time position is not necessarily of the same value, so the part-time factor works against you in terms of the rate.

OP, I'm an MB in MoCo and I agree w/ Nanny Deb. If you're paying less than $15/hr for a part-time position I think your expectations re laundry, cooking, and training your kids are too high.

I think you're underestimating what it takes to teach and discipline your kids, and underestimating what people are interested in doing for part-time work. $15/hr isn't "premium" rates. It's a reasonable baseline rate for decent childcare - but it is nowhere near premium. I would expect to pay more like $18/hr for the type of work you're describing. You need a strong, capable adult for what you're describing (in my opinion) and I don't think the rate you're offering is sufficient to command the skills you need.

Not trying to be harsh - just trying to give you another mother's perspective. You're not getting what you want for what you're paying - so you either need to adjust your expectations or increase your pay. Or maybe get very lucky.

OP, if you are paying $15/hour now, and not getting the service you desire, you have 2 choices:

1) Pay more per hour, do more thorough screening, have a detailed job description and hire a more competent nanny, rather than a sitter. Then, empower your sitter to enforce the rules YOU and your DH set down. No homework done? No screen time. Not cleaning their rooms? Loss of a different goodie that your kids love.

2) keep hiring sitters for $15/hour or less, and keep complaining about what a poor job they do, and how you can't come home and relax for a few minutes without having to chase your kids around forcing them to do their chores.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I work long hours and on the average I am home at 8:30 pm. I find myself yelling at the kids to scramble and get things done. They have not had dinner, so I have to quickly get that together. DH is useless in this area, so it is best that he just stay at work. So I want someone who can get some of the tasks done for me.
The laundry is three loads per week, not per day. And it is only the kids clothes so no fancy folding and sorting.
I want some time with them where I can be calm. I am the ONLY person who makes them do anything and I come off as the bad guy. They prefer the sitters to me, but that is because the sitters ask nothing of them. So I ask, what's in it for me.
I have given thought to cheaper sitters who do nothing but make sure that no one gets hurt. But I can't pay the premium rate for Ms. Niceguy who asks nothing of them.

OP you should make ^this^ perfectly clear to the sitter. That they're not there to entertain kids but more so, to make sure things are done. Nothing wrong with this btw. Preteens don't need entertainment the way toddlers do.

Anonymous wrote:My guess?

The sitters tried to make them do all the things you asked. Your kids were bratty and refused. Sitter isn't invested enough in this PT work to make a big battle out of it and so she let things slide.

Solution?

Set stricter consequences for your kids. Duh.

You come home at 8:30 and find someone hasn't showered or hasn't finished their homework? Dock the allowance, loss of TV privileges, first demerit toward a grounding, WHATEVER. It is your responsibility to provide this kind of structure for anyone you hire to care for your kids. When they're young, sitters and nannies will ask about your discipline techniques and how they should enact time-outs or loss of privileges and it is no different now that they're older. You must set the boundaries, make sure your kids understand them, and give the sitter the authority to enforce them.

While this response is worded pretty harshly, I agree with the overall subtext:

You need a person who will cook dinner and do 1 load of laundry every other day. In addition, you need to train your kids to police themselves through consequences. You should make it clear that they need to do their homework at x time (right after school, from 5-6, whatever works best for you) and then if it doesn't happen, they lose a privilege (mine fall to pieces at the thought of losing electronics, for yours it might be tv, whatever) and THEN STICK TO IT. Same goes for showers. When you come home, the sitter/nanny should have already fed them, done a load of laundry. And your kids should have their homework done and be showered. As for their room, close the door and be prepared to leave it that way for the next 6 to 8 years! They are never going to keep their room clean unless YOU are willing to make it a personal, daily battle. If they aren't already neat freaks at 10, they aren't going to develop that trait now, and NO nanny wants to fight that fight every day. Let that one go.