I desperately miss our nanny. I care far more for my nanny than I do for my MIL. In a contest between nanny and MIL, nanny wins hands down. My MIL would be toast if she ever had upset the nanny. The nanny makes my life easier. My MIL is a constant source of aggravation. She would be in punishment for a *long* time if she offended our nanny when we had one.

Most nannies, understandably, will purposefully and specifically state up front, first and foremost, that they will NOT work with extended family present. Would you? I wouldn't, I can see their point. Its another personality they have to accommodate. At their own job!

The families I know with frequent and/or live in family members have au pairs. Mom here.

I would definitely quit. GOod luck find your next 5 nannies!

OP, imagine that you are at work and a senior manager from another department was stopping by to hang out in your office a few times a week just to visit. This person is not your direct boss--in fact their approach may directly conflict with explicit instructions from your boss. They have no authority over you, but during their friendly visits, they like to give you lots of advice about how to do your job better--advice that may or may not line up wih what your actual supervisor has asked you to do. You can't be rude to this person because they work closely with your boss. You can't focus on your work because you need to entertain this person. You can't follow both their advice and your actual manager's instructions, but don't know how to ignore their advice in their presence without seeming rude. Now imagine that you work in an industry with high turnover. How long before you quit?

Anonymous wrote:OP, they can't work it out without you because you are the common thread between them. This is your house, your child, your relative, and your employee; this is also YOUR responsibility.

Your poor nanny.

+1 Most Mbs just don't know how to be good employers. For most of them, it's their first time and they don't know what they're doing.

OP, they can't work it out without you because you are the common thread between them. This is your house, your child, your relative, and your employee; this is also YOUR responsibility.

Your poor nanny.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about having your MIL see the baby when you have your own child? Dont pawn your MIL off on the nanny just so you dont have to see her.

Wow. Pawn my MIL so I don't have to see her? That's a big assumption. FYI I work from home a couple days out of the week and my MIL usually comes to visit during lunchtime. I would have thought it was an advantage to have a family relative come visit anytime and not have to wait until the weekend to see their grand kid. I didn't expect people to be so vicious on here.

No, there is no real advantage to the situation. Anything out of the ordinary is disruptive to the usual schedule and the more adults in the house at once means the kids will be more confused about who is actually in charge at that time, or try to play off each of them (asking grandma for a snack like cookies when nanny already said no, they need to eat some fruit instead, etc). That is the biggest reason why nannies don't like to have positions with parents who work from home. You have to have the kids trained to always go to nanny, basically act like mom is not there. If you invite grandma over during this time and have her there to play with the kids too, then nanny should not even bother to be there. Grandparents are known to be rule breakers normally, letting kids do things normally not allowed, sneaking candy or cash to kids and so on. To do this with the parents around is one thing, but you shouldn't put this on the nanny and make her have to deal with it. Save the visits with grandparents for the evening and weekends, or have grandma meet MB out for lunch elsewhere (take the kids if you want to, and let nanny take a short break).

Anonymous wrote:No my MIL does not live with me, she comes to visit the baby a few times a week.

Just have her come to visit the baby while you are there and she (nanny) isn't. I normally don't invite guests over when I am not home, and so I view it as being kind of the same situation. She is family, but coming as a guest (for a visit) and if someone else is taking care of the child, it is not their job to accommodate your guest. It will be much easier for all sides if you just have her over when family (you or your husband) is actually there taking care of the child.

I don't believe your nanny "hates" your MIL. I think it's more likely that she needs to do her job in the best way possible. Sure, grandparents can be great to have closeby, but not like OP is allowing. You need to help establish some order, so everyone is on the same page with the planned visits.

As a nanny, I have told a MB that having grandparents around while I was working was a disruption to our day and not something I was comfortable with. If a grandparent ever tried to critique my job (and they were not my employer) I would have to ask the parents not to have them around. I value boundaries that my NFs have given in order for me to be the best nanny I can be. I think it is ridiculous to have a MIL be able to stop by anytime she wants, that is a lot...

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about having your MIL see the baby when you have your own child? Dont pawn your MIL off on the nanny just so you dont have to see her.

Wow. Pawn my MIL so I don't have to see her? That's a big assumption. FYI I work from home a couple days out of the week and my MIL usually comes to visit during lunchtime. I would have thought it was an advantage to have a family relative come visit anytime and not have to wait until the weekend to see their grand kid. I didn't expect people to be so vicious on here.

Sadly people can be very vicious here.

I think that it can be great to have family members visit the kids during the week, but it needs to work for all involved. It's one thing to take a deep breath and plaster a fake smile on a face for a couple of hours on occasion or so or disappear to another part of the house to take care of other tasks while the grandparent visits with the child(ren). It's another thing to feel uncomfortable in your work environment several times a week due to a clash of personalities or whatever the source of conflict is.

I'm the 15:07 poster. I'm happy to deal with difficult grandparents on occasion b/c I feel it's important for the kids to maintain a relationship with their relatives. But it's another thing to have to deal with it multiple times each week (or in my case when the difficulty extends to being very disrespectful and rude to me). I think in your case it's time to sit each one down and talk to them the way 14:10 suggested. Either that or it's time to cut your MIL's visits down to 1x/week...but even then the talks would likely still need to occur b/c this won't go away on its own. Just b/c the nanny is a great fit for your immediate family it doesn't mean she is a great fit for the extended family.

If I had to deal with my MB's MIL three times a week, I would start going to the park all day and ignore her calls... "ooops no reception"

Why can't she visit when YOU are home?? That's too much.