Anonymous
08/13/2013 23:31
Subject: Re:kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
although the other side of this coin is what I'm getting with current AP who doesn't want to have to stand over them to make sure stuff is done, but won't do it herself either. The kid is 5, someone must supervise. And if, at the end of the day, it isn't done, AP is ultimately responsible. After all, it's why we are paying to have an AP in the first place.
Pick your poison - either deal with the hassle of training the kids (which is what this HM does and would prefer she do) or do it yourself. But it has to get done.
Pick your poison - either deal with the hassle of training the kids (which is what this HM does and would prefer she do) or do it yourself. But it has to get done.
Anonymous
08/13/2013 12:45
Subject: kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Why can't your kids make their own beds? And do their own dishes? If your kids are old enough to be at camp they are old enough to clean up after themselves. Sure, most pre-teens aren't going to do their own laundry or scrub a tub, but they need to have basic responsibilities. Your AP's job should partially be to make/help the kids do their own chores.
Also, if you're going to hire a teenager you have to assume she is going to act like a teenager. I'm tired of cheap people on DCUM hiring teenagers and then being surprised when they act like teenagers.
If your kids aren't doing basic stuff around the house now, they'll end way lazier than your AP when they are her age.
+1
+2
The most frustrating thing when I was an AP, lo these many years ago, was the mom who talked endlessly about wanting to teach her kids to be responsible, to have household responsibilities, to be in charge of their own rooms, and then when they left for school would say "oh since they didn't make their beds or put their dishes away, AP should do it." Even at 18 I knew the correct answer was, "they need to do those chores as soon as they get home before they see their friends/watch TV/get on the computer."
Anonymous
08/13/2013 11:04
Subject: kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
Anonymous wrote:Why can't your kids make their own beds? And do their own dishes? If your kids are old enough to be at camp they are old enough to clean up after themselves. Sure, most pre-teens aren't going to do their own laundry or scrub a tub, but they need to have basic responsibilities. Your AP's job should partially be to make/help the kids do their own chores.
Also, if you're going to hire a teenager you have to assume she is going to act like a teenager. I'm tired of cheap people on DCUM hiring teenagers and then being surprised when they act like teenagers.
If your kids aren't doing basic stuff around the house now, they'll end way lazier than your AP when they are her age.
+++1
If the kids are younger, the AP can teach them to do chores.
Anonymous
08/13/2013 11:02
Subject: kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
Anonymous wrote:Simon Legree, or are you just lazy? She is an AP not your damn slave.
++1
Anonymous
08/13/2013 11:01
Subject: kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
Anonymous wrote:I'm an American who was an Au Pair the year after I graduated from college, and I can definitely see this being very similar to the situation that I was in. When you told your Au Pair what her household duties were, did you specify when she needed to have them done by (or what your preferred time frame was), or did you just say by the time the kids get back from camp? I know when I Au Paired, the mom I worked for wanted me to sweep the kitchen floors after breakfast, and throw in laundry immediately after the kids left. The other chores ( bed making, bathroom cleaning, cleaning up toys, making sure dishes were cleared) were all expected to be done by the time the kids came home from school. So to me, that meant I could go back to bed, or relax for a while before doing everything. However, it became clear that my HM hated that, and really wanted everything done earlier than I was getting it done. Her house, her rules, that was totally fine, but it would have saved us both a lot of angst if she'd said something like, "Please sweep the floors and throw in a load of laundry as soon as the kids are off to school. Your other responsibilities should be done before lunch (or whenever), but feel free to have a cup of coffee and watch a TV show before you get started on them."
+++1
Anonymous
08/13/2013 10:25
Subject: kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
Anonymous wrote:My kids are 4 and 7.
Don't know which poster you are.
Anonymous
08/13/2013 10:23
Subject: kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
My kids are 4 and 7.
Anonymous
08/12/2013 20:20
Subject: kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
I'm an American who was an Au Pair the year after I graduated from college, and I can definitely see this being very similar to the situation that I was in. When you told your Au Pair what her household duties were, did you specify when she needed to have them done by (or what your preferred time frame was), or did you just say by the time the kids get back from camp? I know when I Au Paired, the mom I worked for wanted me to sweep the kitchen floors after breakfast, and throw in laundry immediately after the kids left. The other chores ( bed making, bathroom cleaning, cleaning up toys, making sure dishes were cleared) were all expected to be done by the time the kids came home from school. So to me, that meant I could go back to bed, or relax for a while before doing everything. However, it became clear that my HM hated that, and really wanted everything done earlier than I was getting it done. Her house, her rules, that was totally fine, but it would have saved us both a lot of angst if she'd said something like, "Please sweep the floors and throw in a load of laundry as soon as the kids are off to school. Your other responsibilities should be done before lunch (or whenever), but feel free to have a cup of coffee and watch a TV show before you get started on them."
Anonymous
08/12/2013 11:13
Subject: kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
Maybe she was planning to do the dishes, make the beds, etc. but figured she'd do it on her own schedule because no one else was home. It sounds as though she simply didn't expect you to come home so early. Of course, it is your house and you should be able to come home early if you want to.
Just tell her that you prefer that she handle her tasks in a timely manner - early and as they arise, rather than putting the off until the last second.
Just tell her that you prefer that she handle her tasks in a timely manner - early and as they arise, rather than putting the off until the last second.
Anonymous
08/11/2013 21:21
Subject: Re:kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
Anonymous wrote:You have two options:
-rematch
-create a detailed schedule for her
(-or grow increasingly resentful)
For example:
Monday:
Aiden and Larla are at camp from 8am-2pm
10am: Au Pair needs to wake up and throw in a load of laundry. Make sure she knows how to operate the washing machine and dryer, how much soap to use, hot water or cold water. If you need to write down instructions, do so and put it on the wall by the washing machine and dryer.
While laundry is washing, Au Pair makes the beds
10.30/11am: Au Pair tackles the dishes. Again, make sure she knows how to use the dishwasher. Make sure she knows if you have certain items that don't go in the dishwasher, or if you have to rinse off any food before it goes in the dishwasher.
11.30am: Au Pair does XYZ, etc...
If you think it should only take 5-10 minutes to do something, like loading the dishwasher, add in extra time in case it takes her longer to do.
"Au Pair, there are some things I really need finished by a certain time. I wrote out a schedule for you to help you complete your chores while the kids are in camp. Please talk to me if you have any questions."
This is solid advice. If an AP doesn't understand or is too lazy to do her work, you need to spell it out for her.
Sure and then commit to spelling everything out for her for the entire year. I have this AP now, OP. I say go with the previous PP's advice of saying "here is what I asked you to do and now I am home and you haven't done any of it. Please tell me why." If you don't get an apology or some other legitimate respond, save yourself the trouble and rematch. Seriously. Wish we had.
Anonymous
08/11/2013 20:02
Subject: Re:kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
You have two options:
-rematch
-create a detailed schedule for her
(-or grow increasingly resentful)
For example:
Monday:
Aiden and Larla are at camp from 8am-2pm
10am: Au Pair needs to wake up and throw in a load of laundry. Make sure she knows how to operate the washing machine and dryer, how much soap to use, hot water or cold water. If you need to write down instructions, do so and put it on the wall by the washing machine and dryer.
While laundry is washing, Au Pair makes the beds
10.30/11am: Au Pair tackles the dishes. Again, make sure she knows how to use the dishwasher. Make sure she knows if you have certain items that don't go in the dishwasher, or if you have to rinse off any food before it goes in the dishwasher.
11.30am: Au Pair does XYZ, etc...
If you think it should only take 5-10 minutes to do something, like loading the dishwasher, add in extra time in case it takes her longer to do.
"Au Pair, there are some things I really need finished by a certain time. I wrote out a schedule for you to help you complete your chores while the kids are in camp. Please talk to me if you have any questions."
This is solid advice. If an AP doesn't understand or is too lazy to do her work, you need to spell it out for her.
Anonymous
08/11/2013 16:20
Subject: kids at camp...au pair doing nothing...
How old are your children, OP?