Anonymous wrote:FWIW, we live near you, and our last two au pairs have not *wanted* to use the car--we offered it for personal use if they would get a MD driver's license but they never bothered. If they came home late, they took a taxi or came home with a friend. Two things that helped: (1) I choose older, more mature au pairs, who are less of the "take an inch" variety (22+), and (2) I specifically ask during the selection process whether they regularly use public transportation and stress that public transportation is important in our area. I lived in DC most of my adult life without a car, using public transportation, so I don't think it's too much to ask *provided your au pair has experience using public transportation* which is common in Europe and in the bigger cities worldwide (eg Sao Paolo). If our next au pair wants to use the car and get a license, we will permit it but we already have rules written in the handbook.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I'm the PP who posted at length about our own experience car sharing with an AP near the Bethesda metro. I'll tell you about some of our challenges if its helpful. We live .75 miles on a straight walk to the Metro and I can see a bus stop that goes straight there and runs every 10-15 mins from my front steps. We also don't have restrictions on where she can drive - if I trust her driving my kids, I trust her driving into DC. She does have to ask to take it, but I can't remember a time we've said no because we really don't use it that much ourselves. We both metro to work, so it's there all day and we rarely drive anywhere after work, so it's pretty much here all week. We mostly use it Saturday morning and sometimes Sunday evening, but that's not really when she's going out anyway.

Of course, we told her when we were matching that we shared a car and that we expected her to mostly rely on public transportation. We sent her a little map with distances in KM so she could see where she would be walking. We sent her a bus schedule. We confirmed that she took public transportation in her own city.

You know downtown Bethesda - there's tons to do and also busses that go many other places right by the Metro. There are also tons of cabs all the time. Seriously, you really can get anywhere you want to go and an AP who lives here without a car is not isolated in the least.

So with all that background, we've still had issues of the give a inch, take a mile variety. And of the comparing our family to other APs variety. She likes to take it pretty much wherever she goes and doesn't get why she couldn't just have it if we're not explicitly planning to go somewhere. She probably takes it 3-4 times a week and parks it in a garage by the Metro because she doesn't like to walk the .75 miles, wait for the bus, or spend $6 on a cab from the metro. We tried in the beginning to say that if she's just going to the metro, we'd rather her take alternate transportation (like we do!) so we can have the car for an emergency or if something comes up or just because those are the terms we matched under. But she never got that. She's very black and white - she needed me to tell her when she could ask for the car ("only when I am going more than a mile? Only when I am going somewhere I can't get to on the bus?"), but really I couldn't say specifically, just to please be cognizant of when you really need it rather than just want it.

Anyway, gave that up, and now she drives it more than we do. It wasn't worth arguing about and we really don't use it that much. We have matched again and I was very very very clear and specific in our handbook about car use.

The other thing I do actually get is that her friends are going to be in the Bethesda suburbs. You can take a bus to those houses, but it is really inconvenient, requires lots of walking, and is very not sexy to show up at your friend's house party sweaty from the walk and when everyone else has driven. It also sucks relying on everyone else to drive you. And finally, since we don't have a curfew, there are a few times each week that she gets home like 2 or 3. She metros, but then doesn't feel safe (which I get) walking home that late.

Things to think about

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like some people don't remember what it's like to be young and wanting to get to the mall, see friends etc ...

You can give access to a car and monitor its use.

We actually live within walking distance to a Starbucks, Montgomery Mall, Giant, CVS, etc and there is a direct bus down the block to the metro and the mall, so it's not like she is isolated at all. If she chooses not to want to walk or use public transport, that is her choice.

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It does not sound like you live close to the metro.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Looks like some people don't remember what it's like to be young and wanting to get to the mall, see friends etc ...

You can give access to a car and monitor its use.

We actually live within walking distance to a Starbucks, Montgomery Mall, Giant, CVS, etc and there is a direct bus down the block to the metro and the mall, so it's not like she is isolated at all. If she chooses not to want to walk or use public transport, that is her choice.

Anonymous wrote:Good grief, who cares of the au pair compares you to a host family that provides a car??? When your kids are teenagers do you plan to buy them everything once they identify that one other person has that object? Will they be allowed to do anything once they identify that one other teenager was allowed to do it? No, you wouldn't. If your au pair is manipulative and picks up that you are the type to compete with other hosts families then prep yourself for a very difficult year.

You have sound reasons for not providing a car. You were upfront in the matching process about it. You live in an urban environment, near public transportation so the au pair is not stuck in rural PA.

Anonymous wrote:

No. There simply is no bus stop in the Washington DC area that's safe for a young single female at night. It seems like a liability question.

Are you kidding? You really think that its safer for a young single female to walk to her car parked on a side street or in an alley at night than to wait at a well lit bus stop facing a busy street? It is far safer for the college kids and younger professionals who stay out until 1 am to be using public transportation than off street parking.

No. There simply is no bus stop in the Washington DC area that's safe for a young single female at night. It seems like a liability question.

Anonymous wrote:PP, are asking me to see if you know the AP?

Anonymous wrote:We also had very bad experiences with the car and have severly restricted car use. We allow the AP to use car to go to the gym (on designated nights) and we pay for the gas. Otherwise, she cannot have the car for personal use. I was just tired of the constant asking and having to have a reason as to why she can't have the car. Oh, and we put money on a metro card once in a while.