Anonymous
Post 07/10/2013 19:57     Subject: Charge walked in
Anonymous wrote:When do the parents get to be parents?


What do you mean?

-OP
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2013 19:57     Subject: Charge walked in
op here I am not "bothered" by him at all! I guess I didn't foresee the situation of him walking in on us. I am pretty much okay with the "open door" thing, but now I do realize that for him to know simple rules like "knock before entering and wait for a reply" and "If I say dont come in, you have to respect that" are really important. Not just for me but for his parents and other people he will encounter.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2013 19:47     Subject: Charge walked in
How can you expect the charge to have any boundaries when you do not have boundaries and you only bothered you when he walked in on you and your boyfriend. You can't have an open door policy and then get upset about it when it isn't convenient for you.

NP
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2013 19:35     Subject: Charge walked in
When do the parents get to be parents?
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2013 19:32     Subject: Charge walked in
I agree that your charge could use some help learning to respect boundaries, but I think its great that he loves spending time with you! I loved when my charges came to visit me in my off hours as a live in.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2013 17:46     Subject: Charge walked in
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here.He often comes to my room in the middle of the night if he wets the bed and needs the sheets changed because his parents usually throw a fit about it. I just tell him its fine and that accidents happen and then I change the sheets and wash the soiled set. Last night he didn't wet the bed, he just wanted to come up stairs (still hasn't said why he came up to my room).

I talked to him this morning during breakfast about privacy and that from now on I do expect a knock and he has to wait for a response to come in. Not sure if this will work because he is the type to knock on the bathroom door and say "can i come in" no. "why, what are you doing?" using the toilet. when I asked him what he saw he said "nothing"... so Idk if he is even telling the truth.

MB and DB left very early this morning so hopefully I will be able to talk to one of them about it this evening. I'm just scared they will be really upset. Other MBs/DBs: is this a firing offense?


OP, you are encouraging his bad manners by telling him to just come into your room like that. You especially don't want to do that if you have overnight guests like you did this time. You really need to put a limit on him coming to your room, and having him learn to go to you to avoid having parents "throw a fit". It teaches him that he can just go to someone else instead of his parents when it is something he should be going to them about. I understand it is not the best thing for them to "throw a fit", but they all need to learn to deal with it with each other, not involving you.

You also mention "he often comes to my room"... I would find this as something that needs further looking into. He is wetting his bed a lot for a 4 yr old if he is often coming to you. Maybe this is why the parents get frustrated? I work with a special needs boy that is 4 and he doesn't wet the bed. Again, if this is happening that often, something needs to be discussed about why it is happening, what you can do to help prevent it, and then get the child comfortable with going to the parents INSTEAD of to you if it does happen. I know many of my charges would love to come to me instead for things instead of their parents, but if I am not the one in charge of them at that time, they know they go to them. They know I might be easier on them if I am still awake compared to waking their parents, but easier on them doesn't mean better for them.



I appreciate your concern PP! I am working with him on not wetting the bed as much (he used to do it every night... about 6 months ago).

I usually have an open door policy with him in regard to my room. For example, the other day he came in from swim class with his dad and came up to my room and I was asleep. He came and laid on my bed next to me and fell asleep. I noticed him about an hr later when I got up to get ready to go out that night. Other times in my "off" hours he will come up to my room and watch a movie with me on my laptop or just sit with me and read a book. I guess it is good that he feels comfortable with me, but I do know that he needs to be better about respecting boundaries.

Also, as to the overnight guests issue, normally I leave for the night if I am going to be with friends and go to either my BF's place or wherever, so that him barging in isn't really a concern. This was really only the second time I had used my overnight guest privilege.
Anonymous
Post 07/10/2013 01:31     Subject: Charge walked in
Anonymous wrote:Op here.He often comes to my room in the middle of the night if he wets the bed and needs the sheets changed because his parents usually throw a fit about it. I just tell him its fine and that accidents happen and then I change the sheets and wash the soiled set. Last night he didn't wet the bed, he just wanted to come up stairs (still hasn't said why he came up to my room).

I talked to him this morning during breakfast about privacy and that from now on I do expect a knock and he has to wait for a response to come in. Not sure if this will work because he is the type to knock on the bathroom door and say "can i come in" no. "why, what are you doing?" using the toilet. when I asked him what he saw he said "nothing"... so Idk if he is even telling the truth.

MB and DB left very early this morning so hopefully I will be able to talk to one of them about it this evening. I'm just scared they will be really upset. Other MBs/DBs: is this a firing offense?


OP, you are encouraging his bad manners by telling him to just come into your room like that. You especially don't want to do that if you have overnight guests like you did this time. You really need to put a limit on him coming to your room, and having him learn to go to you to avoid having parents "throw a fit". It teaches him that he can just go to someone else instead of his parents when it is something he should be going to them about. I understand it is not the best thing for them to "throw a fit", but they all need to learn to deal with it with each other, not involving you.

You also mention "he often comes to my room"... I would find this as something that needs further looking into. He is wetting his bed a lot for a 4 yr old if he is often coming to you. Maybe this is why the parents get frustrated? I work with a special needs boy that is 4 and he doesn't wet the bed. Again, if this is happening that often, something needs to be discussed about why it is happening, what you can do to help prevent it, and then get the child comfortable with going to the parents INSTEAD of to you if it does happen. I know many of my charges would love to come to me instead for things instead of their parents, but if I am not the one in charge of them at that time, they know they go to them. They know I might be easier on them if I am still awake compared to waking their parents, but easier on them doesn't mean better for them.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2013 20:46     Subject: Charge walked in
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Op here.He often comes to my room in the middle of the night if he wets the bed and needs the sheets changed because his parents usually throw a fit about it. I just tell him its fine and that accidents happen and then I change the sheets and wash the soiled set. Last night he didn't wet the bed, he just wanted to come up stairs (still hasn't said why he came up to my room).

I talked to him this morning during breakfast about privacy and that from now on I do expect a knock and he has to wait for a response to come in. Not sure if this will work because he is the type to knock on the bathroom door and say "can i come in" no. "why, what are you doing?" using the toilet. when I asked him what he saw he said "nothing"... so Idk if he is even telling the truth.

MB and DB left very early this morning so hopefully I will be able to talk to one of them about it this evening. I'm just scared they will be really upset. Other MBs/DBs: is this a firing offense?


Here's what concerns me:
When the kid wets his bed in the night, he goes to nanny because she gives him dry sheets, whereas the "parents" throw a fit. Looks like nanny has her hands full. At least the mom didn't "throw a fit" about her failing to have a lock on nanny's door.

Lesson: Every live in nanny has a lock on her bedroom door, even if there's no boyfriend.





MB does not throw a fit because he wets the bed, mainly because she cannot get back to sleep in the middle of the night. So, since this only happens like once a month, I don't have a problem getting up to change sheets.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2013 18:27     Subject: Charge walked in
Anonymous wrote:Op here.He often comes to my room in the middle of the night if he wets the bed and needs the sheets changed because his parents usually throw a fit about it. I just tell him its fine and that accidents happen and then I change the sheets and wash the soiled set. Last night he didn't wet the bed, he just wanted to come up stairs (still hasn't said why he came up to my room).

I talked to him this morning during breakfast about privacy and that from now on I do expect a knock and he has to wait for a response to come in. Not sure if this will work because he is the type to knock on the bathroom door and say "can i come in" no. "why, what are you doing?" using the toilet. when I asked him what he saw he said "nothing"... so Idk if he is even telling the truth.

MB and DB left very early this morning so hopefully I will be able to talk to one of them about it this evening. I'm just scared they will be really upset. Other MBs/DBs: is this a firing offense?


Here's what concerns me:
When the kid wets his bed in the night, he goes to nanny because she gives him dry sheets, whereas the "parents" throw a fit. Looks like nanny has her hands full. At least the mom didn't "throw a fit" about her failing to have a lock on nanny's door.

Lesson: Every live in nanny has a lock on her bedroom door, even if there's no boyfriend.



Anonymous
Post 07/09/2013 17:18     Subject: Charge walked in
Anonymous wrote:Talked to MB about it. She said that she would have DB install a lock on the door to my room. The door to the stairs will still be open (not lockable). She is not mad and told me that DC has walked in on them a few times too (and often comes into the bathroom while you are using it) and he has to learn boundaries sooner than later.


Great response from MB! Sounds like a very healthy working relationship and a lot of mutual respect between you all.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2013 17:06     Subject: Charge walked in
Anonymous wrote:. You didn't break any rules, you weren't on duty, and you're trying to be honest with them. They may reconsider the overnight guest rule, but to fire you would be an overreaction in my opinion. They had to know this was a possibility with your boyfriend staying over.


+1
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2013 17:05     Subject: Charge walked in
Talked to MB about it. She said that she would have DB install a lock on the door to my room. The door to the stairs will still be open (not lockable). She is not mad and told me that DC has walked in on them a few times too (and often comes into the bathroom while you are using it) and he has to learn boundaries sooner than later.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2013 14:07     Subject: Charge walked in
Not an MB/DB but I don't think its a firing offense if they are reasonable. You didn't break any rules, you weren't on duty, and you're trying to be honest with them. They may reconsider the overnight guest rule, but to fire you would be an overreaction in my opinion. They had to know this was a possibility with your boyfriend staying over and a four year old that doesn't respect boundaries.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2013 13:44     Subject: Charge walked in
Op here.He often comes to my room in the middle of the night if he wets the bed and needs the sheets changed because his parents usually throw a fit about it. I just tell him its fine and that accidents happen and then I change the sheets and wash the soiled set. Last night he didn't wet the bed, he just wanted to come up stairs (still hasn't said why he came up to my room).

I talked to him this morning during breakfast about privacy and that from now on I do expect a knock and he has to wait for a response to come in. Not sure if this will work because he is the type to knock on the bathroom door and say "can i come in" no. "why, what are you doing?" using the toilet. when I asked him what he saw he said "nothing"... so Idk if he is even telling the truth.

MB and DB left very early this morning so hopefully I will be able to talk to one of them about it this evening. I'm just scared they will be really upset. Other MBs/DBs: is this a firing offense?
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2013 11:08     Subject: Charge walked in
Try teaching him some manners, e.g. You ALWAYS knock on a osed door and wait to be told to "come in" before entering. My children knew to knock by the time they were three.