Anonymous
Post 07/09/2013 09:20     Subject: TMI, MB!
She's putting you in a pretty difficult position, for sure.

I can't imagine handling things this way, but I also wouldn't presume to have any idea of the "right way" to handle the inevitable mess even the most courteous of divorces entails.

I agree w/ the general sentiment that you should be careful in navigating this, and don't expect that it will all go smoothly and calmly. You might keep an eye on the job market in case you find it's too difficult or stresful to stay.

Good luck. The kids will be lucky to have you in their corner.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2013 23:30     Subject: Re:TMI, MB!
OP seriously, this is going to be a painful divorce. If you want to stay then by all means, but try to go into this with your eyes open. DB is going to feel utterly blindsided and betrayed, and this controlling woman is going to find herself in a situation so chaotic she will likely feel compelled to enforce her will anywhere and any way she can - this might include becoming a completely different kind of employer than who she is today. Be smart here, a divorce like this is going to be acrimonious.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2013 19:11     Subject: TMI, MB!
Whatever is causing the marriage to end, the realization that so much planning and putting pieces is motion was done behind DB's back will be an additional betrayal.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2013 17:10     Subject: TMI, MB!
From your op, it sounds as though she is manipulating you. It is really odd that she is doing all this behind his back.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2013 16:27     Subject: TMI, MB!
I would quit right now. This is going to get very uncomfortable and you don't need to be put in the middle of it
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2013 15:41     Subject: TMI, MB!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OMG, DB is going to be *told* that they're getting divorced, and by the way, you are moving by yourself to your newly assigned apartment complex?

Yap, this is going to get ugly. She is planning for what *she* thinks is best for the kids, but co-parenting requires a lot of flexibility. DB needs to be given notice, and they need to plan together before telling the kids. But, you can't make any of that happen, so just start looking for another position.


DB has no money. He has only a very small income from a very part time (10 hrs per week) job. She is selling the family home and moving somewhere smaller so that she can afford to pay rent on a two-bedroom apartment so that he has space for the kids to visit him. She plans to pay his rent for the first year while he gets on his feet. I am surprised that so many people believe that all divorces are bitter and acrimonious. I know many families who have been through divorces (including my parents) and that majority have been able to look at heir differences through the lense of what is best for the kids. I honestly know only one couple who had a nasty, messy divorce.


You're about to know two.


+1
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2013 15:35     Subject: TMI, MB!
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OMG, DB is going to be *told* that they're getting divorced, and by the way, you are moving by yourself to your newly assigned apartment complex?

Yap, this is going to get ugly. She is planning for what *she* thinks is best for the kids, but co-parenting requires a lot of flexibility. DB needs to be given notice, and they need to plan together before telling the kids. But, you can't make any of that happen, so just start looking for another position.


DB has no money. He has only a very small income from a very part time (10 hrs per week) job. She is selling the family home and moving somewhere smaller so that she can afford to pay rent on a two-bedroom apartment so that he has space for the kids to visit him. She plans to pay his rent for the first year while he gets on his feet. I am surprised that so many people believe that all divorces are bitter and acrimonious. I know many families who have been through divorces (including my parents) and that majority have been able to look at heir differences through the lense of what is best for the kids. I honestly know only one couple who had a nasty, messy divorce.


You're about to know two.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2013 14:45     Subject: TMI, MB!
Do you have a contract?
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2013 10:45     Subject: TMI, MB!
Hey husband, we are getting a divorce but don't worry about a thing. I'm selling our house, taking the kids and made sure to hide most of my money so you can't get me for alimony. Don't worry, I found you a apartment near my new home so you can have nanny supervised visits with our children. M

OP, I dunno if your young and never experienced a divorce (your parents?) but I will tell you right now that this is going to blow up in MBs face.
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2013 10:22     Subject: TMI, MB!
Anonymous wrote:the MB has already decided where her ex will live? Controlling, isn't she? I saw what divorce did to nanny in my neighborhood. She had a nervous breakdown. Get out now if you are smart. This divorce sounds as though it will be very, very nasty.


The MB sounds like a really controlling person and this nanny seriously thinks this is going to be all rosy and nicey nice and that her job is secure? This MB sounds like a real piece of work
Anonymous
Post 07/08/2013 02:20     Subject: TMI, MB!
This divorce sounds like a not so smart financial decision, but whatever.
Anonymous
Post 07/07/2013 23:35     Subject: TMI, MB!
If she is going to have to downsize and DH has no real job what makes you think they will be able to afford you after a messy divorce? MB sounds way to controlling and a little naive in think her soon to be ex husband will just move to whatever location she recommends. This is going to be extremely messy...you have three months to find a job, take advantage of it.