Anonymous
07/01/2013 10:33
Subject: Re:Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
Anonymous wrote:Chances are, she won't abuse it if she is who you think she is, and if she does abuse it, there is no slippery slope there- you tell her it is too much, and stop it.
No way, your DH is right and the nannies on this board think they should be entitled to bring their children along anyway. Some (not all) of the nannies on this board are completely delusional about this arrangement. Its far to tempting for this not to become a slippery slope. Childcare is expensive even if you are using an aunt. Your nanny will be very tempted to save the money by just bringing along her child. If the aunt is doing this for very little money, the minute she realizes that her niece has the option to bring her child she'll be less available to her.
I agree and nanny will use OP's food and baby supplies for her own child.
Win/Win my AS*
Anonymous
07/01/2013 10:31
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:17:09 needs professional treatment. Her paranoia is getting worse.
Funny, but I was one of the MBs to be declared the "paranoid poster" on another thread. This particular nanny poster needs to recognize that MANY of us disagree with her on many different issues and that does not make us paranoid. Perhaps she should consider getting psychological help with her projection problem.
In this case, I would not be opposed to a once a week playdate with the nanny's child, for a couple of hours, as long as the aunt is there too. I agree that it could be a slippery slope and I would not look favorably upon the nanny bringing her child to work as a backup plan when the aunt is unavailable, but the parents will need to be strong enough to set limits (e.g. once a week for playdates) and say "no" to becoming the backup care plan if the need arises.
By 11 months, my daughter had started to enjoy playdates. Yes, it was all parallel play and no, she did not form emotional connections with the other kids. However, she clearly became excited about being with other kids (and especially their toys) at that age. By fifteen months or so, she would wave "hi" and get visibly excited whenever we passed the home of one child with whom she has frequent playdates. By eighteen months, she had started to mimic other kids, so playdates provided a good opportunity for her to learn new skills.
Children don't play interactively or form friendships until later, but even parallel play has its benefits. Do I think these benefits outweigh the benefits of a one to one adult-child ratio at this age? Not for a minute. Nor do I think playdates are developmentally critical before at least the age of 2. But in small doses, there is value there.
+1
Anonymous
07/01/2013 09:26
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
Anonymous wrote:Has anyone ever worked with twins or in a nanny share? My charges are six months apart and they totally play, interact together. Yes, most is parallel play but they also chase each other around the house, pass toys to each other and laugh uncontrollably. They are 1.5 and 1 yr old, they been doing that for about four months.
We go out everyday to an activity since they were three months old. It's never too early to start socializing them and getting them accustom to being around other children in intimate settings.
Each child is getting a gift that money couldn't buy.
Kudos to their thoughtful parents and brilliant nanny.
Win-win-win.
Anonymous
07/01/2013 09:00
Subject: Re:Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
Chances are, she won't abuse it if she is who you think she is, and if she does abuse it, there is no slippery slope there- you tell her it is too much, and stop it.
No way, your DH is right and the nannies on this board think they should be entitled to bring their children along anyway. Some (not all) of the nannies on this board are completely delusional about this arrangement. Its far to tempting for this not to become a slippery slope. Childcare is expensive even if you are using an aunt. Your nanny will be very tempted to save the money by just bringing along her child. If the aunt is doing this for very little money, the minute she realizes that her niece has the option to bring her child she'll be less available to her.
Anonymous
07/01/2013 08:16
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
Has anyone ever worked with twins or in a nanny share? My charges are six months apart and they totally play, interact together. Yes, most is parallel play but they also chase each other around the house, pass toys to each other and laugh uncontrollably. They are 1.5 and 1 yr old, they been doing that for about four months.
We go out everyday to an activity since they were three months old. It's never too early to start socializing them and getting them accustom to being around other children in intimate settings.
We go out everyday to an activity since they were three months old. It's never too early to start socializing them and getting them accustom to being around other children in intimate settings.
Anonymous
06/28/2013 23:05
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
Meh, I'm a MB, and I'd allow it. My son was in a nanny share at that age, and of course he and the other boy didn't play together, but they did parallel play and overall, I thought I was a good opportunity because it presents chances to teach good social behavior and prepare kids for interacting later. Now, we are no longer in a share, and my nanny sometimes invites her nephew on play dates with my son. It is fine. Now, I get that a nephew isn't the same as a son, but if you like your nanny, have a good and open relationship with her, and trust her, you could try it.
Chances are, she won't abuse it if she is who you think she is, and if she does abuse it, there is no slippery slope there- you tell her it is too much, and stop it. The worst that can happen is you tell her she is overusing the play date and she gets mad and leaves. It that happens, you didn't want that person in the first place. And the upside is happier nanny and a chance to begin modeling politeness, sharing, and social interaction.
And yes, I am aware that you can get that at the park with other kids, but if you know and like your nanny, there is no reason to think, without any objective evidence, that this will be a disaster.
Chances are, she won't abuse it if she is who you think she is, and if she does abuse it, there is no slippery slope there- you tell her it is too much, and stop it. The worst that can happen is you tell her she is overusing the play date and she gets mad and leaves. It that happens, you didn't want that person in the first place. And the upside is happier nanny and a chance to begin modeling politeness, sharing, and social interaction.
And yes, I am aware that you can get that at the park with other kids, but if you know and like your nanny, there is no reason to think, without any objective evidence, that this will be a disaster.
Anonymous
06/28/2013 22:32
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
This is so sad. I know its about money, but that doesn't stop knee jerk reaction to how sad this truly is.
Anonymous
06/28/2013 19:33
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
I wish I had the money to pay OP's nanny so she could.stay at home with her own son. She is way too good for OP
Anonymous
06/28/2013 19:20
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
Funny how 18:24 thinks she disagrees with only one nanny and agrees with the rest. Makes perfect sense.
Anonymous
06/28/2013 18:24
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
Anonymous wrote:17:09 needs professional treatment. Her paranoia is getting worse.
Funny, but I was one of the MBs to be declared the "paranoid poster" on another thread. This particular nanny poster needs to recognize that MANY of us disagree with her on many different issues and that does not make us paranoid. Perhaps she should consider getting psychological help with her projection problem.
In this case, I would not be opposed to a once a week playdate with the nanny's child, for a couple of hours, as long as the aunt is there too. I agree that it could be a slippery slope and I would not look favorably upon the nanny bringing her child to work as a backup plan when the aunt is unavailable, but the parents will need to be strong enough to set limits (e.g. once a week for playdates) and say "no" to becoming the backup care plan if the need arises.
By 11 months, my daughter had started to enjoy playdates. Yes, it was all parallel play and no, she did not form emotional connections with the other kids. However, she clearly became excited about being with other kids (and especially their toys) at that age. By fifteen months or so, she would wave "hi" and get visibly excited whenever we passed the home of one child with whom she has frequent playdates. By eighteen months, she had started to mimic other kids, so playdates provided a good opportunity for her to learn new skills.
Children don't play interactively or form friendships until later, but even parallel play has its benefits. Do I think these benefits outweigh the benefits of a one to one adult-child ratio at this age? Not for a minute. Nor do I think playdates are developmentally critical before at least the age of 2. But in small doses, there is value there.
Anonymous
06/28/2013 18:01
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
How would this not be a great situation? You get to treat your nanny (whom presumably you like and respect as a human being) with compassion and allow her to have the joy of seeing her son interact with your child and Nanny will love you even more because you would just generally be cool employers. Your child is not going to be neglected just because her son is in the room and this absolutely DOES NOT open the door to her thinking she can bring her son to work all of the time. Nannies are grown women capable of having personal/professional distinctions (but this is also a field where lines can be blurred a bit) so lets all calm down on the knee-jerk reaction that she will use this as an opportunity to take advantage of you.
And to the "no play date" posters, have any of you dealt with multiples or siblings? An 11 month old would definitely benefit from some regular social interaction with a child their own age, even if it is just having to share their toys with each other. My current charges are very similar in age to my nephew and niece, we have a play date about once a week-all of the kids benefit, I get some adult interaction, and MB thinks its great.
A little open mindedness in one's approach to childcare can go a long way.
And to the "no play date" posters, have any of you dealt with multiples or siblings? An 11 month old would definitely benefit from some regular social interaction with a child their own age, even if it is just having to share their toys with each other. My current charges are very similar in age to my nephew and niece, we have a play date about once a week-all of the kids benefit, I get some adult interaction, and MB thinks its great.
A little open mindedness in one's approach to childcare can go a long way.
Anonymous
06/28/2013 17:23
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
17:09 needs professional treatment. Her paranoia is getting worse.
Anonymous
06/28/2013 17:09
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
I agree with your DH at this age.
1) Your baby is at a stage where he needs attention and love and what if nanny is giving more attention and love to her own child. Your baby will feel somewhat replaced.
2) Your child will see the other baby playing with his/her toys and might go for it and nanny will probably say in a silly voice "we need to share".. Your baby is to young to understand sharing and will think nanny is favoring her baby.
3) If theres a fire or intruder who will nanny go to first? Tough to swallow but most likely her own baby.
4) Less one on one attention.
5) Nanny will start getting use to this situation and want more 'playdates'
6) You lose out on more food, diapers, wipes, etc. (because I doubt nanny will use her supplies for her kid)
7) If her child likes to watch a certain show while your baby likes another cartoon guess what show they're going to watch? Nanny's baby's show.
8) Nap times will be a problem.
9) Nanny will be more exausted chasing double.
The list goes on.. Now yes, maybe I'm looking at all the negatives but like another PP mentioned, this does nothing for your child at this point. Socializing should come around the toddler stage but right now your baby needs love, stability and comfort. I'm not saying this playdate will ruin him/her lol but lets face it.. You and your child lose out much more then you gain.
1) Your baby is at a stage where he needs attention and love and what if nanny is giving more attention and love to her own child. Your baby will feel somewhat replaced.
2) Your child will see the other baby playing with his/her toys and might go for it and nanny will probably say in a silly voice "we need to share".. Your baby is to young to understand sharing and will think nanny is favoring her baby.
3) If theres a fire or intruder who will nanny go to first? Tough to swallow but most likely her own baby.
4) Less one on one attention.
5) Nanny will start getting use to this situation and want more 'playdates'
6) You lose out on more food, diapers, wipes, etc. (because I doubt nanny will use her supplies for her kid)
7) If her child likes to watch a certain show while your baby likes another cartoon guess what show they're going to watch? Nanny's baby's show.
8) Nap times will be a problem.
9) Nanny will be more exausted chasing double.
The list goes on.. Now yes, maybe I'm looking at all the negatives but like another PP mentioned, this does nothing for your child at this point. Socializing should come around the toddler stage but right now your baby needs love, stability and comfort. I'm not saying this playdate will ruin him/her lol but lets face it.. You and your child lose out much more then you gain.
Anonymous
06/28/2013 16:43
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
Anonymous wrote:Yeah, OP, it is fine for nanny to wipe your kid's ass but do not let The Help think for even a second that her son would be gpod enough to play with your son. You and your DH suck bigtime
It actually smells a bit elitist/racist to me. Maybe that's the issue with the paranoid jealous poster constantly complaining about everything.
Anonymous
06/28/2013 16:26
Subject: Weekly playdates with DS and nanny's son - thoughts?
Yeah, OP, it is fine for nanny to wipe your kid's ass but do not let The Help think for even a second that her son would be gpod enough to play with your son. You and your DH suck bigtime