I wouldn't keep a nanny who had a problem with this or wanted extra pay because my 10 year old has a well-behaved friend over every day. By the age of 10, most kids have a best friend from the neighborhood who becomes a daily companion. Although reciprocity is nice, at 21:47, the OP said that her charge is not allowed to play at the friend's house because he has asthma and the friend lives with a smoker.

The nanny needs to check with her employer to see how they want her to handle trips away from home when the 10 year old has his friend over. Personally, I would probably say that I'd prefer her to stay around the house because the ten year old is not going to want to leave his friend to go to a playground with his nanny and younger siblings. In other words, accommodating the friend is part of caring for the 10 year old, which is itself part of this particular job.

Just say no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a child not be allowed to have a friend over?

Because the adult who is home is responsible for all of the children in the house, and in this case that means the nanny. She presumably took the job assuming she'd be responsible for three children, and now there is a fourth who may not require much in the way of hands-on care but does require supervision and would be another child to evacuate in a fire, call an ambulance for if he fell out of a tree, etc.

It is poor form to expect a nanny to take on that added responsibility every single day without talking to her about it.

I think the person was asking why a child wouldn't be allowed to have friends over, as in the OTHER child. Why couldn't her charge go over to his house every now and then? What would be stopping them from doing that...

Oh, if that's the case then I misunderstood. Sorry.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a child not be allowed to have a friend over?

Because the adult who is home is responsible for all of the children in the house, and in this case that means the nanny. She presumably took the job assuming she'd be responsible for three children, and now there is a fourth who may not require much in the way of hands-on care but does require supervision and would be another child to evacuate in a fire, call an ambulance for if he fell out of a tree, etc.

It is poor form to expect a nanny to take on that added responsibility every single day without talking to her about it.

I think the person was asking why a child wouldn't be allowed to have friends over, as in the OTHER child. Why couldn't her charge go over to his house every now and then? What would be stopping them from doing that...

I'm curious to see if OP talked to mb/db and what they said.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a child not be allowed to have a friend over?

Because the adult who is home is responsible for all of the children in the house, and in this case that means the nanny. She presumably took the job assuming she'd be responsible for three children, and now there is a fourth who may not require much in the way of hands-on care but does require supervision and would be another child to evacuate in a fire, call an ambulance for if he fell out of a tree, etc.

It is poor form to expect a nanny to take on that added responsibility every single day without talking to her about it.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Why would a child not be allowed to have a friend over?

Because the adult who is home is responsible for all of the children in the house, and in this case that means the nanny. She presumably took the job assuming she'd be responsible for three children, and now there is a fourth who may not require much in the way of hands-on care but does require supervision and would be another child to evacuate in a fire, call an ambulance for if he fell out of a tree, etc.

It is poor form to expect a nanny to take on that added responsibility every single day without talking to her about it.

Why would a child not be allowed to have a friend over?

^ Of course. But I also had friends who were not allowed to have other children over. If the child was 4 it would be a different story, but he's 10. He's going to start having best friends and all that jazz and lots of times one house is the main hosting house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell them how many times a week is ok with you. They should be either paying you extra OR inviting your charge ove to their house an equal number of times.
You're being taken advantage of.

Does that mean OP is to be paid less if dc goes to friends house?

+1

Didn't you learn as a child, the notion of reciprocal relationships?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just tell them how many times a week is ok with you. They should be either paying you extra OR inviting your charge ove to their house an equal number of times.
You're being taken advantage of.

Does that mean OP is to be paid less if dc goes to friends house?

+1

If it was a very occasional occurrence I would let it slide, but seems like someone is mooching off of you here OP.

Stand up for yourself and address your concerns NOW with your bosses before this whole situation gets out of hand.

Let them know you are not ok with this. YOU are the one responsible for the kids when they are at your house, and having this kid there all the time interferes with going about your normal day. They should be planning ahead and not assuming. Yes, your boss pays you. That's all well and good. It is still your time, your plans, and your responsibility while he is there.

I would never dream to do that to a nanny. It drives me nuts when parents just assume it's okay for a friend to come over all the time, so I wouldn't do it to anyone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd love it if a playdate came over every day. Then I could get some down time in my 14hr day during the baby's afternoon nap!! Otherwise I have to entertain the 7 year old the whole time when I need to prep dinner and just have a minute to myself to recharge. When she has a playdate they go play dolls in her room and I can have a break!!

I really wouldn't mind it if it were not every afternoon until MB and DB come home and then he's gone. He is a good kid, and yes...for the most part it keeps the older boy busy. School just let out, so I'm sure he will be here all day. That is my main concern, I like taking the children out and do not wish to take a fourth child, but I feel conflicted about telling him he must go home. It's not my duty. He sometimes eats dinner, but again...no big deal that he stays because it's not like I pay for the food, and making extra isn't really a hassle. It's just like I've gotten an extra kid added, and NO I do not expect extra pay unless it becomes 24/7.

You should totally let the friend know if you have plans for your dc and friend is not invited. Just politely tell dc his friend needs to go home until you guys get back or whatever. When school gets out and if he is over everyday all day, I would address it with mb and see if she minds or if she brings up compensating you more. If she doesn't I wouldn't push it because she will likely give you the argument Me and other nannies have given you. If you are starting to feel taken advantage of I would start thinking about other options.

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you don't mind generally that he is there but would sometimes like to be able to draw a line and send him home, so talk to your MB/DB and say that usually you're happy to have John over to play in the afternoons but since you are responsible for him while he's there you want to know that you have their blessing to sometimes send him home or decline to host. Why can't your charge go to his house sometimes? Just talk to them about it casually, I wouldn't make a big fuss as I suspect they'll be fine with whatever you want to do about it.

My charge is not allowed over to their house because the grandfather smokes cigars and my charge has horrid asthma.