I agree with nannydeb regarding no sneaking out after your daughter goes to bed. It's a recipe for disaster if your daughter happens to wake up on that particular night. I agreed to this arrangement (against the red flags it raised for me) with one family who assured me they had been doing this weekly for seven months and their toddler had never once woken up. I babysat for them twice and guess what?! The toddler (the one who supposedly always slept through the night) woke up both times and freaked out at the sight of a stranger walking into his room (he had only met me briefly when I met the family for the first time). Add to that the fact that the entire house was wired with cameras so the parents were able to watch the entire thing unfold from their smartphones. Fun times.

Your best bet is to do something along the lines of what nannydeb suggested if you're concerned about the anxiety and want to slowly get your daughter used to someone. It's also quite possible that she would calm down quicker than you anticipate if the sitter is a good fit. Every child is different and you ultimately don't know how things will go until you try it. In the end your daughter will adjust no matter what route you decide upon. A good sitter will be able to read your daughter's cues on how to respond to her when she does get upset. I've watched some toddler who needed to be held and distracted and others who did best if I kept my distance (still within a couple of feet) and quietly played with some toys or read one of their books aloud until they felt ready for interaction.

Anonymous wrote:Hi - I'm a FTM and some of these questions may be really stupid, but I just don't know the answers.

DH and I would like to find someone to occasionally babysit for our daughter. Not necessarily a set schedule, just a Saturday evening or Sunday afternoon here and there.

When I was a teenager, I used to babysit all the time. But, from talking with people who have teenage daughters, it seems that very few teenagers babysit anymore. We live out in the MD suburbs and our neighborhood doesn't have a listserve.

So, my first question is, how does one go about finding an occasional sitter? Do people still do this? All of my friends just use family members, so they have no one to recommend.

My second, and more bothersome question is, how do you make it work with a young toddler with separation/stranger anxiety? DD just turned one and definitely has separation/stranger anxiety. I can't imagine how we could leave her with someone she only sees once every week or two. How have other navigated this? DH suggested we just have someone come at 9pm, after DD is in bed (she sleeps through the night), and just pay someone to watch TV and make sure the house doesn't burn down around DD. I'm fine with that in theory, but would eventually like to get to the point where we can leave the house while the baby is awake, and have the sitter feed her and put her to bed.

Sorry, I know all that was a bit rambling. But, if anyone has any advice or suggestions, I'd love to hear it! Thanks.

First, don't sneak out. That's a surefire way to guarantee that your DD has severe separation issues for a LONG time, since when she wakes up in the dark (and Murphy's Law says that will happen the first time you sneak off) and sees a complete stranger, she will lose her damn mind and lose all trust that you will be there for her or that someone else she trusts will be there for her.

Hire someone to come play with you and DD for a few hours every weekend (or more often if possible), and remind DD how much fun she had with her sitter through the week. Have sitter do activities with DD that you know DD loves. Over time, spend less time with sitter and DD, and more time out of sight. When out of site, do not swoop back in when DD fusses - let the sitter calm her and distract her. Then do a short trial run - a coffee date with DH? - and see how it goes. Keep going out and stretching out the time. Ask sitter to let you know if there are issues. Basically, you're desensitizing your DD to your absence/to her aversion to care from others.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you! This was helpful, and gives me hope that I will eventually be able to leave my child with someone and escape for a few hours! And I'm glad to hear that you can, apparently, still find an occasional babysitter. I'll try care.com or sitter city.

14:04 - we're in Gaithersburg, MD.

Oh wow I live in Gaithersburg also (off Midcounty Highway). I work as a nanny and babysit on my free time. If you're still looking please email me.

Mizzeb@live.com

Anonymous wrote:Stranger anxiety won't last. Call the nearest high school, ask for the guidance department, and then ask if they have any nice, unpopular but geeky girls they can give your info to for babysitting.

Did you think about what your were writing? Can you imagine what kind of trouble a school would get into if they actually did that... Hey here's a better idea- why don't you sneak into the school and stalk the lonely girl studying during the lunch hour. That way she will SURELY babysit for you... Ugh dumb