You are the adult. You should be demonstrating in a gentle way how to intervene when there's conflict. If you can't do that, you're not cut out to be a nanny.

Some five year olds just can't sort it out themselves, that's why you're there.

tl;dr

Yeah, OP, you were wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The issue here that no one is touching on is that, regardless of how OP was approaching letting her charge resolve conflict, it was ABSOLUTLY none of the other mother's business. That woman was completly out of line in saying anything and OP has every right to be irritated. We all know that had she not been the nanny, the other woman would never have had the balls to say anything.
Parents, nannies (for the most part and especially in this situation) do not need to be policed. Take care of your children and let us do our jobs.

The conflict involved the mother's daughter. The conflict WAS in fact her business. The comments about how OP was doing her job or making her charge share were perhaps over the line.

The only part of the conflict that was the mother's business was how her daughter handeled the situation. How Op reacted-or didn't- wasn't her business, and therefore she had no right to put in her two cents.

Anonymous wrote:The issue here that no one is touching on is that, regardless of how OP was approaching letting her charge resolve conflict, it was ABSOLUTLY none of the other mother's business. That woman was completly out of line in saying anything and OP has every right to be irritated. We all know that had she not been the nanny, the other woman would never have had the balls to say anything.
Parents, nannies (for the most part and especially in this situation) do not need to be policed. Take care of your children and let us do our jobs.

The conflict involved the mother's daughter. The conflict WAS in fact her business. The comments about how OP was doing her job or making her charge share were perhaps over the line.

The issue here that no one is touching on is that, regardless of how OP was approaching letting her charge resolve conflict, it was ABSOLUTLY none of the other mother's business. That woman was completly out of line in saying anything and OP has every right to be irritated. We all know that had she not been the nanny, the other woman would never have had the balls to say anything.
Parents, nannies (for the most part and especially in this situation) do not need to be policed. Take care of your children and let us do our jobs.

Anonymous wrote:I also understand your reaction to hovering but think you did handle this wrong and your approach isn't aligned with teaching good behavior.

Too many people take "let them work it out themselves" and "they need to figure out how to manage conflict" the wrong way. At this age, you are actually just enabling situations that teach them how to work things out the wrong way.

This doesn't mean that the adult is interacting every second. The adult is observing and when the kids are not handling it the right way they intervene to redirect and use it as a teaching moment and then step back again. If the adult doesn't do this then bad behavior actually ends up being reinforced. Kids who end up being the bullies or have social problems in school are not bad kids. They simply learned that social or physical aggression works, gets them what they want, and has no consequences.

I think you need to rethink the let them figure it out themselves approach. I also think the other mother was wrong to focus on the sharing aspect only. A bigger rule, IMO, is learning to respect other people's space and property. Its fine to ask for something but you need to listen to the answer. The other person can say no and if they say no even though you may really want it, you must politely accept this. Share is request, not a command. The other mother was correct though that you should not have been just sitting there not doing anything.

How exactly was OP's charge not handling things the right way?

I also understand your reaction to hovering but think you did handle this wrong and your approach isn't aligned with teaching good behavior.

Too many people take "let them work it out themselves" and "they need to figure out how to manage conflict" the wrong way. At this age, you are actually just enabling situations that teach them how to work things out the wrong way.

This doesn't mean that the adult is interacting every second. The adult is observing and when the kids are not handling it the right way they intervene to redirect and use it as a teaching moment and then step back again. If the adult doesn't do this then bad behavior actually ends up being reinforced. Kids who end up being the bullies or have social problems in school are not bad kids. They simply learned that social or physical aggression works, gets them what they want, and has no consequences.

I think you need to rethink the let them figure it out themselves approach. I also think the other mother was wrong to focus on the sharing aspect only. A bigger rule, IMO, is learning to respect other people's space and property. Its fine to ask for something but you need to listen to the answer. The other person can say no and if they say no even though you may really want it, you must politely accept this. Share is request, not a command. The other mother was correct though that you should not have been just sitting there not doing anything.

I so get your feelings on this, but with hover patents you have to acknowledge and introduce yourself and charge as soon as they start playing together. You don't have to hover, but be close and quickly and quietly intervene to avoid any issues at the park. Hover parents have a hard time just sitting back watching and chatting, try to make nice next time.