OP, I would really try to see the bigger picture here if you can. If you trust this nanny, and your daughter likes her, and the nanny is doing all the things that are critical to you in terms of nurturing your child, then try to let some of this pretty minor stuff go.

I've come home in the middle of the day and found the house absolutely a total wreck. But when I get home at my normal time the house is almost always pristine.

Personally, what constitutes a "break to relax" is different for everyone. For me that can be anything from a nap, to time to read the paper, to a quick errand, to catching up w/ a friend on the phone. It really sounds like that's all she was doing. Your nanny is human and needs safe/quiet/private time like any of us. If you, before this incident, liked and trusted your nanny then I think you need to have more confidence in your hire.

If you start micromanaging her you'll almostly certainly doom the relationship. If, instead, you treat her w/ trust, candor, respect (and respect for her ability to separate personal and professional matters), and some flexibility in how she does her job then the odds of you building a good working relationship that is positive for both of you go up significantly.

Just try to think about whether you could (or would want to) be subjected to this same level of scrutiny without any question? I sure couldn't.

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was unprofessional to do it at work and a good example of why we should be very careful about our possible audiences.

That said, I think every nanny does this with a friend from time to time as do employees in any other field. You can fire her, but the next one will do it too. As will daycare workers/teachers/etc.

Just be sure you have a confidentiality clause and do regular check ins with your nanny to keep lines of communication open and prevent grievances on either side from souring an otherwise good relationship.

OP here. I am not going to her fire at least not yet. It was a very disturbing conversation and I don't know that I feel completely comfortable with her now and that to me is because I have lost trust in her good nature also the fact that while I did come home early and she do not know it does not excuse the mess there was when I got there. My daughter was napping and while he nanny could have cleaned up first and then chatted she opted to do the opposite so when she left it was up to me to pick up all that mess. She said she would have straitened it up if she knew I was home as she wanted a break to relax first and I know that's fine. It's just that the reason she delayed in cleaning up was because she was too busy gossiping and she almost seemed to enjoy it. My daughter had napped almost 2 hours why she still hasn't picked up toys by then just irked on top of her conversation.

It just seems like now you are looking for issues to have with her. I have days where I choose to relax at nap time rather than clean. If I know no one is going to be home, I don't see any harm. As long as my tasks are done by the end of the day, my employers don't have issues, they know they don't need to manage every minute of my time. You probably should end your relationship with her, neither of you are going to be happy for very long.

Yeah.. you sound like a bitch of an employee. She was having a PRIVATE conversation and you were being a creepy sneak by listening. You had NO business doing so and should be ashamed. Let your nanny go and find a family that won't listen to her private conversations and then judge her. Shame on you op.

Anonymous wrote:It was unprofessional to do it at work and a good example of why we should be very careful about our possible audiences.

That said, I think every nanny does this with a friend from time to time as do employees in any other field. You can fire her, but the next one will do it too. As will daycare workers/teachers/etc.

Just be sure you have a confidentiality clause and do regular check ins with your nanny to keep lines of communication open and prevent grievances on either side from souring an otherwise good relationship.

OP here. I am not going to her fire at least not yet. It was a very disturbing conversation and I don't know that I feel completely comfortable with her now and that to me is because I have lost trust in her good nature also the fact that while I did come home early and she do not know it does not excuse the mess there was when I got there. My daughter was napping and while he nanny could have cleaned up first and then chatted she opted to do the opposite so when she left it was up to me to pick up all that mess. She said she would have straitened it up if she knew I was home as she wanted a break to relax first and I know that's fine. It's just that the reason she delayed in cleaning up was because she was too busy gossiping and she almost seemed to enjoy it. My daughter had napped almost 2 hours why she still hasn't picked up toys by then just irked on top of her conversation.

It was unprofessional to do it at work and a good example of why we should be very careful about our possible audiences.

That said, I think every nanny does this with a friend from time to time as do employees in any other field. You can fire her, but the next one will do it too. As will daycare workers/teachers/etc.

Just be sure you have a confidentiality clause and do regular check ins with your nanny to keep lines of communication open and prevent grievances on either side from souring an otherwise good relationship.

Never heard of any successful lawsuit charging a nanny for breaching a confidentiality clause. Have you? Just another scare tactic... Oh my!

Anonymous wrote: If she was on the books and signed a contract which INCLUDED keeping family drama shut and she decides to open up their affairs to the world. How can you trust she won't do the same with you?

Unless a nanny has signed a confidentiality agreement, then there is nothing set in place to stop her from talking about either a current or previous family. Most families don't include this into their contracts or work agreements. IF someone HAS signed one, then they could be sued for speaking of anything outside of the family, which is the incentive to not do it. Also, most people wouldn't care about someone else's "family secrets", it does not affect them and is meaningless. Who cares if so and so are in debt by $50,000? Or that they sent their eldest away to boarding school?

Anonymous wrote:Well, if you had walked in obviously and overheard you could bring it up. "Gee, you sounded way more negative about the Jones' than you were when we interviewed you. Was it really that awful? Maybe this is a good time for us to touch base and see how things are going for you so far with us?"

But, given that you left and came back in and she didn't know you'd overheard I think you missed the window for an easy conversation.

I also think that this was a personal conversation where she was talking to a friend. I cannot even imagine half the conversations I have w/ friends being overheard - people would think I'm awful. I vent with friends, they understand the context, I feel better. Doesn't mean that I lose perspective on whatever I'm venting about - just that I pick my audience and alter my tone appropriately as needed.

I wouldn't distrust her based on this - she's human.

What you can do though is establish a regular practice of touching base w/ her so both of you can share any concerns, ideas for things to try w/ the kids, different household systems that might make things easier for someone, etc... Basically just focus on building and maintaining the relationship you have with her and don't worry about what she said about a former employer.

This PP is right on the mark.

Eavesxroppers ultimately hear things about themselves.

So can you honestly tell me that you have NEVER bad mouthed a coworker or someone else in your life that you otherwise speak professionally to? Mind your business.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I can understand why you are bothered by this. But, I actually would imagine that the reason your nanny was talking about her previous employers this way is because she is happy with your family.

Example - she's talking with friend, friend asks how her new job is.. Nanny says "It's great! They treat me well and take good care of the house and kids. I'm so glad to be here. Family X did/didn't do the things that I value".

Granted she didn't say it in those terms. But I would bet she was favorably comparing you and her previous job.

this is pretty much what I was thinking.

OP, the only reason this would give me pause is that we have a confidentially clause in our contract that prohibits the nanny from discussing details of our family life (finances, medical, etc) during and after employment. We are very explicit that we mean business with the comfidentially clause.

Do you happen to know of your nanny had a prior confidentially clause? If not, I would let this go but be sure to have a discussion in a few weeks about the importance of YOUR confidentially clause (if you have one).

If you do know she had one for this prior job, I would consider firing her.

It is unprofessional but then again, she thought she was in private.

Where were your children? I would be more concerned with them overhearing all the negative talk.

Your nanny sounds like a gossipy teenager. I know everyone vents but she appears as if she enjoys making people (like her former employers) look bad. Not good, imo.

OP, I can understand why you are bothered by this. But, I actually would imagine that the reason your nanny was talking about her previous employers this way is because she is happy with your family.

Example - she's talking with friend, friend asks how her new job is.. Nanny says "It's great! They treat me well and take good care of the house and kids. I'm so glad to be here. Family X did/didn't do the things that I value".

Granted she didn't say it in those terms. But I would bet she was favorably comparing you and her previous job.

Anonymous wrote:I disagree. Your nanny was unprofessional. Talking smacking about their finances. Amongst other things. How the hell do you not know she isn't doing the same with YOUR finances or house? I hope you're tidy! Honestly I would be sketch about this nanny. She has proven she can not be trusted a Ashe will spill dirty secrets when given a chance. If she was on the books and signed a contract which INCLUDED keeping family drama shut and she decides to open up their affairs to the world. How can you trust she won't do the same with you? You can't. I'd give her a warning but any negative sudden movement and let her go!!

Trust us, your family "secrets" aren't worth mentioning to anyone else. This nanny was bitching to a friend, end of story. I bet you have never said anything negative about a boss or co-worker in your life, right? Give me a break.