Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 13:10     Subject: Nannies with own children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:To the "rich brown family", what ethnicity is the nanny? How old was your/her child when you hired her? Who cared for her child?

The nanny is also brown of a different ethnicity from us. Our child was an infant. She's 50+ so we assume her child/ren are beyond the stage of needing care. I don't know who cared for her child/ren. She never brought it up.

Why does her and our ethnicity matter at all, my little revolutionary?


Are you serious? You are comparing a 50+ old with GROWN children, to a young mother with an infant?? ha!

I'm not comparing anything with anything. I'm responding to righteous poster who made all kinds of prejudgments. Your thread title doesn't say "nannies with infants."
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 12:45     Subject: Nannies with own children
Anonymous wrote:OP- So your cousin watches your baby for 50 hours/week? Do you pay her? Just curious! You are lucky.


OP here, my cousin does not watch her the whole 50 hours, my husband works less hours than I do, so she watches her maybe 35hrs for the most, and yes I do pay her. But she isn't in childcare, she is a SS benefactor and her husband works so she is just as home. Honestly though I don't think she is that great at caring for children, I've had to teach her A LOT. But it is much cheaper and I know she cares about my daughter.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 12:42     Subject: Nannies with own children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:To the "rich brown family", what ethnicity is the nanny? How old was your/her child when you hired her? Who cared for her child?

The nanny is also brown of a different ethnicity from us. Our child was an infant. She's 50+ so we assume her child/ren are beyond the stage of needing care. I don't know who cared for her child/ren. She never brought it up.

Why does her and our ethnicity matter at all, my little revolutionary?


Are you serious? You are comparing a 50+ old with GROWN children, to a young mother with an infant?? ha!
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 12:29     Subject: Nannies with own children
OP- So your cousin watches your baby for 50 hours/week? Do you pay her? Just curious! You are lucky.
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 12:08     Subject: Nannies with own children
Anonymous wrote:To the "rich brown family", what ethnicity is the nanny? How old was your/her child when you hired her? Who cared for her child?

The nanny is also brown of a different ethnicity from us. Our child was an infant. She's 50+ so we assume her child/ren are beyond the stage of needing care. I don't know who cared for her child/ren. She never brought it up.

Why does her and our ethnicity matter at all, my little revolutionary?
Anonymous
Post 04/10/2013 10:22     Subject: Nannies with own children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This feels like a post trying to stir up drama, but I'll answer you anyway. Since my child will be going to daycare two days a week I'd hardly consider that spending "more waking hours with my charges" my fil will take the baby half a day a week and she'll come to work with me my two short hour days. Lots of parents work full time while their kids are in daycare, the fact that I work and spend time with other children doesn't bother me.


OP here- I think the forum is too riddled with bitterness if you read my post and immediately thought I was trying to start drama. Far from it.

Anyways your situation is unique because your child comes to work with you two days out of the week (which as you said is a short day to begin with), and a half day that is definitely not what I am referring to.

My situation- my child is an infant, I don't think she should be in daycare now because I have heard countless stories of infants just being left to lay on their backs all day. My cousin takes care of her. I used to think the same thing, "well lots of moms work and have a nanny", for example. But recently since she has been sleeping through the night, by the time I get home 7:30-8:00, she is only a wake for an hour maybe two, then off to bed. Then I leave before she wakes and my spouse takes her to our family's home. So yes I spend more waking hours with my charges than my child, and I feel really guilty.

(If she spends 50 hrs a week asleep, and I spend 60 hrs/week at work or in commute, that effectively leaves 10 hours in each work week that I can spend with her, +/- 1 hour)

A few things. First, as you undoubtedly know, this is pretty much the reality of any working mother. Whether you nanny, try cases, treat patients, assemble cars, if you work, you are away from your child. Second, I actually agree with you that infants do better with individual care. I didn't want to place my son in daycare and couldn't afford a nanny of our own, so we found a good nanny share, and I felt comfortable that my son is getting individual attention and affection. We paid $9/hr. Perhaps you can look into something like this? Third, I know it seems like your child's schedule is totally at odds with yours so you barely see her, but rest assured that she will not sleep like this forever, nor will you always come home at 8 pm. My son is now 2 and a half. I spend about an hour in the morning getting him ready for the day, and then enjoy my evenings with him from 6 to 9 pm. This describes the reality of most working moms.



OP here- Thanks for your thoughtful response. I must agree it will not last forever, and the best choice may be to stick it out. Financially it is what's best for my family, and I'll just have to try my hardest to make those hours count. I think I will also give up on date night/weekends so I have more time with her.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2013 19:10     Subject: Nannies with own children
To the "rich brown family", what ethnicity is the nanny? How old was your/her child when you hired her? Who cared for her child?
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2013 18:50     Subject: Nannies with own children
Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I just can't imagine how awful you rich white women feel, asking your nanny to abandon her own child, just for you. It's not like caring for one child (yours), is superior to caring for two children (yours and hers). Do you really think her child might contaminate yours? Why not enhance your child's experience of real life, by welcoming the nanny's child?

Chill out, Che. We're a rich brown family with a nanny who never brought her child. Pffft!! That was the sound of your theory deflating.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2013 18:49     Subject: Nannies with own children
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:This feels like a post trying to stir up drama, but I'll answer you anyway. Since my child will be going to daycare two days a week I'd hardly consider that spending "more waking hours with my charges" my fil will take the baby half a day a week and she'll come to work with me my two short hour days. Lots of parents work full time while their kids are in daycare, the fact that I work and spend time with other children doesn't bother me.


OP here- I think the forum is too riddled with bitterness if you read my post and immediately thought I was trying to start drama. Far from it.

Anyways your situation is unique because your child comes to work with you two days out of the week (which as you said is a short day to begin with), and a half day that is definitely not what I am referring to.

My situation- my child is an infant, I don't think she should be in daycare now because I have heard countless stories of infants just being left to lay on their backs all day. My cousin takes care of her. I used to think the same thing, "well lots of moms work and have a nanny", for example. But recently since she has been sleeping through the night, by the time I get home 7:30-8:00, she is only a wake for an hour maybe two, then off to bed. Then I leave before she wakes and my spouse takes her to our family's home. So yes I spend more waking hours with my charges than my child, and I feel really guilty.

(If she spends 50 hrs a week asleep, and I spend 60 hrs/week at work or in commute, that effectively leaves 10 hours in each work week that I can spend with her, +/- 1 hour)

A few things. First, as you undoubtedly know, this is pretty much the reality of any working mother. Whether you nanny, try cases, treat patients, assemble cars, if you work, you are away from your child. Second, I actually agree with you that infants do better with individual care. I didn't want to place my son in daycare and couldn't afford a nanny of our own, so we found a good nanny share, and I felt comfortable that my son is getting individual attention and affection. We paid $9/hr. Perhaps you can look into something like this? Third, I know it seems like your child's schedule is totally at odds with yours so you barely see her, but rest assured that she will not sleep like this forever, nor will you always come home at 8 pm. My son is now 2 and a half. I spend about an hour in the morning getting him ready for the day, and then enjoy my evenings with him from 6 to 9 pm. This describes the reality of most working moms.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2013 13:19     Subject: Nannies with own children
OP here, I do have certifications and ECE, also in my last year of my ugrad degree. In my experience I have never seen such an arrangement above $9/hr. I make twice that right now, and I couldn't afford to cut my salary in half.....I really do feel stuck
As far as housecleaning, I can't imagine anyone would hire me since I have no housecleaning experience, and that really is not my cup of tea, not trying to be picky just being honest.

Is there a differential wage for part-time nannies, or a before and after care/pick up drop off arrangement? Would I be able to make at least close to my salary now?

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Be creative and see how you can care for your own child and someone else's child. If you're good, you can find the right match, especially if the other family has only one child.

This is what I do. I earn enough to support my child's private school tuition and a mortgage. I'm a single mom.


That's amazing but I imagine that's really rare.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2013 12:54     Subject: Nannies with own children
Anonymous wrote:Be creative and see how you can care for your own child and someone else's child. If you're good, you can find the right match, especially if the other family has only one child.

This is what I do. I earn enough to support my child's private school tuition and a mortgage. I'm a single mom.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2013 12:50     Subject: Re:Nannies with own children
OP here- Unfortunately I do need the money, my husband and I have been talking about maybe trying to find a position where I could bring her, but I really would hate to quit on someone. I've never left before a contract was over and I would hate to end things badly with any family. I love the child I care for sometimes when I snuggle DC, I am wondering if my child is getting similar affection. Each day the sadness grows so I think it is something worth exploring further, idk if I could stay home for 3-4 years though. I enjoy my job, probably more than most, if I could care for my child and make a decent income of course that is what I'd do. But I don't think I have seen decent income for SAHMs, or nannies bringing their kids.


If you don't have any flexibility to reduce your income for a few years, you probably are just stuck. If you can reduce your income, you could try finding a job with fewer hours or keep looking for a position that allows you to bring your child. Its really rare for an employer to go for a nanny bringing her child so this shouldn't be your only plan. If you can afford to take some evening on-line classes or get some certifications it may be easier to find a higher paying job for fewer hours.

Housecleaning where you go to someone's house once a week or every week and deep clean for 4-5 hours pays more than just being a nanny. It is harder work but you might be able to match your salary for far fewer hours a week if you can line up several dependable jobs.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2013 12:18     Subject: Nannies with own children
Be creative and see how you can care for your own child and someone else's child. If you're good, you can find the right match, especially if the other family has only one child.
Anonymous
Post 04/09/2013 12:01     Subject: Re:Nannies with own children
Anonymous wrote:If you are looking for honestly, I actually would feel guilt leaving my children to be cared for by someone else while I worked with others kids. I personally might take a break from nannying, or do it part time, until your child is in school.

I WOH, but do not nanny, and it's really really tough for me to be away from my child all day. It particularly sucked when she was younger because she slept so much. I felt that all of her best hours were being spent with people other than her parents. But the difference was that I really enjoyed my job, the interaction with adults, and I was doing something completely different. If my job was something I would have essentially done with my child (as I suspect your nannying job is), then I would have probably just stayed home and did these things with my child.

Unless you truly need the money, I might reevaluate whether being a nanny is something you want to do at this time.

I will probably get flamed, but just my two cents.


OP here- Unfortunately I do need the money, my husband and I have been talking about maybe trying to find a position where I could bring her, but I really would hate to quit on someone. I've never left before a contract was over and I would hate to end things badly with any family. I love the child I care for sometimes when I snuggle DC, I am wondering if my child is getting similar affection. Each day the sadness grows so I think it is something worth exploring further, idk if I could stay home for 3-4 years though. I enjoy my job, probably more than most, if I could care for my child and make a decent income of course that is what I'd do. But I don't think I have seen decent income for SAHMs, or nannies bringing their kids.
Anonymous
Post 04/08/2013 17:19     Subject: Re:Nannies with own children
Anonymous wrote:If you are looking for honestly, I actually would feel guilt leaving my children to be cared for by someone else while I worked with others kids. I personally might take a break from nannying, or do it part time, until your child is in school.

I WOH, but do not nanny, and it's really really tough for me to be away from my child all day. It particularly sucked when she was younger because she slept so much. I felt that all of her best hours were being spent with people other than her parents. But the difference was that I really enjoyed my job, the interaction with adults, and I was doing something completely different. If my job was something I would have essentially done with my child (as I suspect your nannying job is), then I would have probably just stayed home and did these things with my child.

Unless you truly need the money, I might reevaluate whether being a nanny is something you want to do at this time.

I will probably get flamed, but just my two cents.


So you are working even though you don't really need the money? Lucky you.