Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am writing this very sleep deprived, because yet again my 17 month charge kept me up last night. My little guy is going through a stage where he is waking up many times a night. Normally he just cries a few minutes but is able to put himself to sleep. But I think the last couple of weeks, he has been getting his first night terrors. During this episode he screams his head off! He wakes his mom, and normally she comes rushing into his room, turning on the lights, and grabbing him our of bed. She usually calls for me, I sleep next door to child. I am very aware when he wakes up. But I know not to wake baby during a night terror. I am expected to rock baby to sleep so he doesn't cry. But I believe he should cry it out and sooth himself.

I watch him all night on his video monitor, I wake when he wakes. I feel MB thinks I'm ignoring him when I don't rush in his room right away. I am soooooo tired during the day, because I am up all night. I wish MB would let me do my job, and trust me when I say he needs to self sooth. It may be hard to hear him cry, but I can't go and rock him to sleep 2-6 times a night.

I feel like I'm letting him down being out of my mind tired during the day, and not my best. But I don't want MB to think I'm lazy during the nights and ignoring my responsibilities.

Can I tell MB to STOP going into his room, and to let him cry it out?

I'm all for self soothing, but not if night terrors are the issue. There is a reason they are called "terrors".

You are the nanny. She is the mom. Do you see who is in charge here?

You aren't supposed to wake a child having night terrors - it is like a bad dream, they are still asleep. It can be hard to hear as the parent, but it is better for the child to let them sleep through it. If they wake up, that is a different story. MB is not helping her child to rush in and wake them up when they start stirring with a night terror.

Anonymous wrote:OP here- thank you for the responses. My original post, was done under many nights without sleep....

I was hired as a 24hr nanny because my bosses are hands off and self proclaimed clueless about childcare and that's why they hired me. And also that's why they had a 24/7 baby nurse for a year!!!

They do want what's best for child, but MB gets anxious when child "sounds" unhappy. It makes her uncomfortable to hear him crying. I will have a conversation with her telling her this is a stage. And he needs to learn how to self-sooth. He is old enough. And I was hired to teach him how to be on the right path for success.

I also think I should tell her, that I do wake up and hear him every time he wakes up. I can see him on the monitor, and I know his different cries. I will go in when I feel nessesary.

Hopefully she will understand. If she doesent agree, I will continue to do it her way. But this lack of sleep is killing me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am writing this very sleep deprived, because yet again my 17 month charge kept me up last night. My little guy is going through a stage where he is waking up many times a night. Normally he just cries a few minutes but is able to put himself to sleep. But I think the last couple of weeks, he has been getting his first night terrors. During this episode he screams his head off! He wakes his mom, and normally she comes rushing into his room, turning on the lights, and grabbing him our of bed. She usually calls for me, I sleep next door to child. I am very aware when he wakes up. But I know not to wake baby during a night terror. I am expected to rock baby to sleep so he doesn't cry. But I believe he should cry it out and sooth himself.

I watch him all night on his video monitor, I wake when he wakes. I feel MB thinks I'm ignoring him when I don't rush in his room right away. I am soooooo tired during the day, because I am up all night. I wish MB would let me do my job, and trust me when I say he needs to self sooth. It may be hard to hear him cry, but I can't go and rock him to sleep 2-6 times a night.

I feel like I'm letting him down being out of my mind tired during the day, and not my best. But I don't want MB to think I'm lazy during the nights and ignoring my responsibilities.

Can I tell MB to STOP going into his room, and to let him cry it out?

I'm all for self soothing, but not if night terrors are the issue. There is a reason they are called "terrors".

You are the nanny. She is the mom. Do you see who is in charge here?

Anonymous wrote:I am writing this very sleep deprived, because yet again my 17 month charge kept me up last night. My little guy is going through a stage where he is waking up many times a night. Normally he just cries a few minutes but is able to put himself to sleep. But I think the last couple of weeks, he has been getting his first night terrors. During this episode he screams his head off! He wakes his mom, and normally she comes rushing into his room, turning on the lights, and grabbing him our of bed. She usually calls for me, I sleep next door to child. I am very aware when he wakes up. But I know not to wake baby during a night terror. I am expected to rock baby to sleep so he doesn't cry. But I believe he should cry it out and sooth himself.

I watch him all night on his video monitor, I wake when he wakes. I feel MB thinks I'm ignoring him when I don't rush in his room right away. I am soooooo tired during the day, because I am up all night. I wish MB would let me do my job, and trust me when I say he needs to self sooth. It may be hard to hear him cry, but I can't go and rock him to sleep 2-6 times a night.

I feel like I'm letting him down being out of my mind tired during the day, and not my best. But I don't want MB to think I'm lazy during the nights and ignoring my responsibilities.

Can I tell MB to STOP going into his room, and to let him cry it out?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you know what? I'm a first time mom who never babysat or spent any time around a child before having my own. I also am clueless about childcare. But what I told my nanny was that I wanted her to have ideas on how to do things and present them to me, so that DH & I can pick what we think is best for our child. I think that crying it out IS unacceptable, and I would fire a nanny if they were hired to be working at night and refused to go in to a crying toddler claiming "This is the right path for success." There's more than one "right" way to do something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with pp, I'm a nanny and cry it out is not a good idea. It is only natural for a crying baby to be soothed, it's just not good for their bodies. A little whimpering is one thing but if the baby sounds really upset you should definitely sooth him.

This is the opinion of one nanny. I'm an MB who has read many books and studies on both sides of the issue and multiple night wakings due to inconsistently reinforced poor sleep habits are also really bad for little toddler bodies.

The PPs who said that the nanny and the parents need to agree on a strategy for handling night wakings are spot on. You need to take your knowledge of Weissbluth, Ferber, Mindell, Kim West, whoever it is (preferrably multiple options) to the parent and formulate a "back to bed" plan for helping your charge practice good sleep at night. It needs to be something that MB and DB are comfortable with and can stick with as well as you. If they aren't good with classic cry-it-out maybe Ferber (CIO with checks) or West (attended CIO) would work for them. You want to make sure everyone is on the same page regarding the importance of sleep for kids - some families prioritize it more than others - and how important soothing is versus independent sleep.

There's no one right way of looking at nighttime caregiving for a child, and it sounds like you and MB haven't talked about what is the right way for this child, this family, and you.