Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why this is a micromange-y request. How is it different from a Catherine wanting to be Cate instead of Cathy or a Deborah preferring not to be called Debbie? Why can't parents advocate for what their children are called? We called our DC Berry in utero - I definitely don't want that nickname sticking to him generally and I'm not sure what is unreasonable about that! This isn't a nickname everyone uses - just the parents. The nanny has probably just picked it up because she hears the parents use it and assumes that it is what they prefer the baby be called, but if they stop using it in front of her and explain they would rather she and everyone else uses the child's name, I am just not sure what the big deal is.

They absolutely can! But if you call your Catherine by Cate, you should anticipate that others will as well. If you continue to refer to your baby as Berry, you should assume that other loving caregivers and family members might also adopt that nickname. You get to set the tone for what you want your child to be called, but if my parents had called me Suzy but demanded my nanny call me Susan, that would have been weird.

But this is not different from what I suggested. I am confused by what the issue with asking the nanny not to use the child's nickname but agree the parents need to stop using it in front of her. But assuming they do that, what is the big deal? Why is it micromanage-y?

Asking someone not to use a name for their child that they have heard you use is weird because it puts the fault on the nanny, in this case, when the responsibility lies with the parents.

Discontinuing its use allows the parents to take responsibility for putting an end to its use. If the nanny is still using the discontinued nickname commonly 3 months down the road, then that would be an appropriate time to say you'd regretted using it as you wanted to be sure your Susan went by Susan among their family, friends, and neighbors. That would put an end to it, politely.

OP, this is a issue of pettiness and has nothing to do with hormones.

People are being ridiculous.

Just let her know you'd prefer she not use it but that she is welcome to come up with one of her own for baby.

You're not weird and its not a huge deal. Don't let it become one with your resentment because you won't just say something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why this is a micromange-y request. How is it different from a Catherine wanting to be Cate instead of Cathy or a Deborah preferring not to be called Debbie? Why can't parents advocate for what their children are called? We called our DC Berry in utero - I definitely don't want that nickname sticking to him generally and I'm not sure what is unreasonable about that! This isn't a nickname everyone uses - just the parents. The nanny has probably just picked it up because she hears the parents use it and assumes that it is what they prefer the baby be called, but if they stop using it in front of her and explain they would rather she and everyone else uses the child's name, I am just not sure what the big deal is.

They absolutely can! But if you call your Catherine by Cate, you should anticipate that others will as well. If you continue to refer to your baby as Berry, you should assume that other loving caregivers and family members might also adopt that nickname. You get to set the tone for what you want your child to be called, but if my parents had called me Suzy but demanded my nanny call me Susan, that would have been weird.

But this is not different from what I suggested. I am confused by what the issue with asking the nanny not to use the child's nickname but agree the parents need to stop using it in front of her. But assuming they do that, what is the big deal? Why is it micromanage-y?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why this is a micromange-y request. How is it different from a Catherine wanting to be Cate instead of Cathy or a Deborah preferring not to be called Debbie? Why can't parents advocate for what their children are called? We called our DC Berry in utero - I definitely don't want that nickname sticking to him generally and I'm not sure what is unreasonable about that! This isn't a nickname everyone uses - just the parents. The nanny has probably just picked it up because she hears the parents use it and assumes that it is what they prefer the baby be called, but if they stop using it in front of her and explain they would rather she and everyone else uses the child's name, I am just not sure what the big deal is.

They absolutely can! But if you call your Catherine by Cate, you should anticipate that others will as well. If you continue to refer to your baby as Berry, you should assume that other loving caregivers and family members might also adopt that nickname. You get to set the tone for what you want your child to be called, but if my parents had called me Suzy but demanded my nanny call me Susan, that would have been weird.

+1

My nickname became so common that I was enrolled in school with it. The only time my real name ever got used was when I went to the doctor or when my parents were REALLY angry with me. If they didn't want other people but themselves (and maybe my sister) to call me that nickname, then they wouldn't have used it all the time around others.

Anonymous wrote:I don't get why this is a micromange-y request. How is it different from a Catherine wanting to be Cate instead of Cathy or a Deborah preferring not to be called Debbie? Why can't parents advocate for what their children are called? We called our DC Berry in utero - I definitely don't want that nickname sticking to him generally and I'm not sure what is unreasonable about that! This isn't a nickname everyone uses - just the parents. The nanny has probably just picked it up because she hears the parents use it and assumes that it is what they prefer the baby be called, but if they stop using it in front of her and explain they would rather she and everyone else uses the child's name, I am just not sure what the big deal is.

They absolutely can! But if you call your Catherine by Cate, you should anticipate that others will as well. If you continue to refer to your baby as Berry, you should assume that other loving caregivers and family members might also adopt that nickname. You get to set the tone for what you want your child to be called, but if my parents had called me Suzy but demanded my nanny call me Susan, that would have been weird.

Get. Over. It.

Seriously! The baby is brand new, you'll have a million nicknames.

I don't get why this is a micromange-y request. How is it different from a Catherine wanting to be Cate instead of Cathy or a Deborah preferring not to be called Debbie? Why can't parents advocate for what their children are called? We called our DC Berry in utero - I definitely don't want that nickname sticking to him generally and I'm not sure what is unreasonable about that! This isn't a nickname everyone uses - just the parents. The nanny has probably just picked it up because she hears the parents use it and assumes that it is what they prefer the baby be called, but if they stop using it in front of her and explain they would rather she and everyone else uses the child's name, I am just not sure what the big deal is.

Been a nanny 20 years, and I would think you were strange. I would tread carefully at that point and watch you, determining if that is just sign of other micro-managing, weird things to come. Sorry, just telling the truth.

Anonymous wrote:Eh, if my employers asked my not to use a name, I wouldn't. Too small of an issue for me to get upset about. Why make drama when there is none?

Sure, you wouldn't make an issue of it, but you'd be put off by such an odd and micromanaging request.

OP, if you stop using it around your nanny/other people, they'll stop using it too. If you keep using it around them, they'll adopt it as well. It's completely up to you

Please don't say anything.

And on a different note can people stop using weeks. Ugh so annoying. Just as annoying and someone who uses months oh my child is 48 months.

Eh, if my employers asked my not to use a name, I wouldn't. Too small of an issue for me to get upset about. Why make drama when there is none?

I am the PP who said I have a family nickname that I don't love it when others use. I think the other posters have raised a good point about the nanny's feelings but I still think its gently doable. Stop using the nickname in front of her (and ensure no one else, like grandparents, are using it at all) and then explain it was your in utero nickname and you really don't want it to stick to her and ask the nanny to try and make an effort to use whatever name you want DD to go by and make sure you do the same in front of the nanny. I actually really just don't think it's big deal. Now the nanny might come up with her own nickname for DD but it sounds like that would be okay with you.

FWIW, my cousin has a terrible childhood family nickname that was cute when he was a baby but is just sort of awkward now and I think his parents are wishing they put the kibosh on it years ago. It is definitely reasonable for parents to try and avoid certain nicknames but you just have to be sensitive and gentle as to how you do it.

Yeah, honestly if my employers told me not to use their special nickname I would think they were nuts. I'd stop using it but I would think they had some control issues and keep it in the back of my mind as a red flag.

Anonymous wrote:
Do not, please, say anything to your nanny. All these nannies who say they would be fine with it understand the sentiment of where you're coming from, but would be horrified and offended to find themselves chastised in such an odd way. If this is a special nickname for your daughter, it is appropriate for grandma, uncle, and nanny to use; if it is a private nickname, don't use it when other people are around. What are you going to do when DD goes to school and the teacher hears you using it? Be realistic, please, for the sake of a good relationship with your nanny.

Yes, please, do not say anything. Imagining you saying to her, oh, it's our special name, etc. -- that makes me cringe.

You're going to need to get used to lots of instances of closeness between your child and your nanny, (hopefully - because that will mean they have a good, close relationship) so this is probably a good way to start to get used to that.