This is why I no longer take a nanny on vacation. Nannys often feel they are put out because they are "traveling" away from home and "working" even if they don't actually have that many hours of responsibilities. I totally understand this.

However, as a parent, I have paid for airfare, an extra room, other expenses which add up to well >1000. For most of my friends, we only needed the extra help on occasional nights out and for the flexibility to go out while one of the kids nap. Vs hiring a sitter locally the cost differential is HUGE. Just spend a little time getting recommendations from the resort or whatever company you use to book the place.

You sound like a very fair and nice family nanny sounds greedy!!! I am a nanny too and I would have loved this

Glad to hear that everything was ok in the end.

OP again - I talked to her last night and she wasn't actually fishing for a thank you or more money, but reassurance that she did enough during the vacation. She was feeling bad (or insecure?) that she and her bf spent a lot of time away from the family, so her hinting around for "thank you's" (which is the way I interpreted her comments) were just hinting around making sure we were happy with the way the vacation went.

I'm so relieved. We have a great relationship and like I said before, she's always been comfortable saying "no" when we've asked her before if she couldn't or didn't want to and when we invited her, she really did act like she was psyched about going - I feel so close to her - I mean, this trip really did start out as her spending Christmas with us and evolved into this vacation. She assured me it was like she expected and they had a great time (and thanked me for the trip) but also added that when they got home, bf and she started talking about whether WE were okay with the arrangement - that they were concerned that they "disappeared" almost every night without checking with us if we needed her. And she started worrying that I was unhappy with that. I assured her that it was what our agreement was and part of the gift (that they get every evening free and on us). Oh, and someone asked - yes, we paid her regular wages which would have been paid whether she came with us or not.

It wasn't meant to be a free vacation to her. It was a working vacation with quite a bit of free time and the chance to bring her BF along as well. While I think that most stuff should have been covered for her anyways, if I chose to go out on my own for dinner each night, and out to clubs etc I wouldn't expect the family to pay for that. That would be out of pocket. If I didn't want to pay for my own dinner, then I would eat with the family as that WOULD be covered.

It's like when you go to college. The cafeteria is included in the food you pay for each semester, the pizza place down the street is not. OP was very nice about paying for these for both nanny and her BF. OP made it clear to her nanny that this was a Christmas gift to her. If the nanny did not want that as a Christmas gift, then she could have turned it down. She could have said I will cover my own extras, I would rather have a bonus instead to do with as I please. I don't think OP would have minded that option. There is more of a chance of nanny and BF taking advantage of no bill to them and splurging instead of nanny paying and deciding to keep costs low so she doesn't have to fork over as much.

This poster said it exactly right. we of course assume we'd pay for all expenses as part of her compensation, but not if she wanted to go out and party - That was the extra I was referring to that we think is the "extra" that would normally not be covered, but we covered as part of her Christmas gift.

Anyway, all is good. I assured her that we are extremely happy with the way the vacation went. We appreciated her helping every afternoon with the kids and we were really glad she had such a good time with bf.

Anonymous wrote:So if she didn't go, you wouldn't of paid her for the week? Did you give her a holiday bonus? If so then yes I would have expected additional pay because she did care for your children on afternoons.

Also, it was very nice of you to pay her boyfriend's meals. However, you didnt really pay his rental/hotel room because he shared with her so it didnt cost double i'm assuming?Maybe I'm just not understanding fully. Also, what do you mean 'hinting'? What is she saying? I'm assuming she's being somewhat passive-aggressive about the pay issue?

No, but a rental car was added for their exclusive use.

Did your nanny get a bonus this Christmas? If you didn't that's the case possibly. Also, you need to talk with her, communicate And find out where her entitlement is coming from. Yes it was work, but she probably saw it as vacation. You were very generous, she sounds entitled. I'd fire her ass.

She chose to go though. I don't think that just because she did work some hours that meant she should get more than her normal pay. Yes she would have gotten paid anyways if she stayed home, but the guaranteed pay is for whether the family needed her or not. If she went and they needed her, then that is what her normal pay covers. If she didn't want to work and still get paid her normal amount, she had the chance to stay home.

It wasn't meant to be a free vacation to her. It was a working vacation with quite a bit of free time and the chance to bring her BF along as well. While I think that most stuff should have been covered for her anyways, if I chose to go out on my own for dinner each night, and out to clubs etc I wouldn't expect the family to pay for that. That would be out of pocket. If I didn't want to pay for my own dinner, then I would eat with the family as that WOULD be covered.

It's like when you go to college. The cafeteria is included in the food you pay for each semester, the pizza place down the street is not. OP was very nice about paying for these for both nanny and her BF. OP made it clear to her nanny that this was a Christmas gift to her. If the nanny did not want that as a Christmas gift, then she could have turned it down. She could have said I will cover my own extras, I would rather have a bonus instead to do with as I please. I don't think OP would have minded that option. There is more of a chance of nanny and BF taking advantage of no bill to them and splurging instead of nanny paying and deciding to keep costs low so she doesn't have to fork over as much.

If they feel like they aren't satisfied, then they should have decided to not go. I don't see how you can decide to say yes to all of the above and then decide you aren't satisfied with how things went to the extreme that you ask for money from your employer when you get home.

The only thing the nanny was owed from the whole experience (or possibly not going) was her usual pay, and the issue with how she received her Christmas gift (which is not always a nannies choice for the latter).

To go into something with the expectations that her going would mean she were to earn MORE money on top of her usual pay, for less work (it is a different story if it is the same amount or MORE work) is messed up. That person is then greedy.

If she had decided not to go, she would have gotten her normal pay AND had an extra week of vacation that she normally wouldn't have. That extra week of vacation is not something that she can turn in to the MB and try to get more pay because she actually worked instead of taking it off. A freebie is not worth extra cash, it was free and not in the contract.

PP here.. What I'm saying is, it's not really a free lavious vacation because she was still working daily. Even if it wasn't as much as her normal working hours.

I'm guessing you wouldn't have left her without pay because you decided to take a vacation so technically she could have stayed behind on the trip and not worked at all and had her own private vacation with the boyfriend but she went on vacation with your family and you ended up having her work afternoons which interferes with her day/vacation so it wasn't a ''free vacation''

Maybe she assumed that she wasn't going to go on your vacation but did and 'got stuck nannying in afternoons' which interferes with her whole day since its right in the middle of their day. And since she was working, I'm assuming paying for the room, meals, etc comes with the package?

Just trying to see it from another angle.

I do agree that it was rude of her to not even thank you. Her boyfriend didn't even thank you either which makes me think they've talked about it and aren't satisfied.

So if she didn't go, you wouldn't of paid her for the week? Did you give her a holiday bonus? If so then yes I would have expected additional pay because she did care for your children on afternoons.

Also, it was very nice of you to pay her boyfriend's meals. However, you didnt really pay his rental/hotel room because he shared with her so it didnt cost double i'm assuming?

Maybe I'm just not understanding fully. Also, what do you mean 'hinting'? What is she saying? I'm assuming she's being somewhat passive-aggressive about the pay issue?

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here. She sounds ungrateful! I mean, a lot of nannies do get a vacation bonus, but that's usually if they're in charge of the kids all the time. I would've loved that vacation. Especially that her boyfriend was allowed to go. I had to go on vaca with a nanny family once and it was hell. Crappy pay, no time off, etc. crazy.

+1

I would have loved to go and get all that time off, plus have a BF welcome to come along and him only have to pay his airfare! I would expect for everything to be covered for me, but also the fact that you gave her the choice of coming or not and she chose to go so I think it was a fair deal. Nothing else should be expected of you. A thank you from both is due.

But it was not mandatory apparently. OP asked and felt she made it clear nanny was free to decline the trip (as the nanny had in the past on other occassions).

Well with all due respect if she was asked to come on a trip to work, her airfare and meals shouldn't be considered a "perk". Yes it was nice of you to pay for the bf's accomodation and meals but he still paid for his own plane ticket.

As nice as it must be to basically get a free vacation, it was YOUR vacation, not HERS. She might be acting a bit ungrateful but honestly you couldn't pay me to go on vacation with my charges. That's their family time.