Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are honestly having a hard time budgeting for child care at this point.

You shouldn't be having a kid if you are having a hard time budgeting for childcare. Reality is that kids cost a lot of money. If you aren't ready to pay for everyday kid things including childcare (since you most likely need to work and staying at home with child is not an option), then you should have waited until you were in a better position to start expanding your family.

Anonymous wrote:So I am a nanny and my husband and I are expecting our first child in March. My boss has been great about everything and completely understands and supports me. She even lets me take my dr appointments during work hours while both the kids are in school. She has now offered to let me bring my baby to work with me after I return from my maternity leave in May. I was thinking this would be great. However, she noted that she would reduce my salary by around $600 per month. I currently get paid $13.25 per hour (in Arizona) for 50 hours per week. She wants to reduce my salary all the way down to $10 per hour once I come back to work as compensation for the benefit of bringing baby with me. She also made a point to say that she does not want her boys (ages 4 and 7) to have to work around the baby's schedule. Um okay? I am starting to wonder how practical it would be to bring my baby to a job with two school age kids. It seems it might be easier if I found a family with another infant. I have nannied for twin infants before, so that would not bother me. But do any of you think her offer is fair? My husband is not happy about it at all. He feels reducing my salary slightly would be fine, but as much as she is talking about seems extreme. I will be getting this so-called benefit but still have to make sure that her boys (who are more than capable of entertaining themselves on occasion) have my full, constant undivided attention while making my baby secondary and getting a huge pay cut on top of that. Thoughts?

The salary reduction sounds perfectly fair, this is coming from a nanny. If you don't want the reduction, use that money you are still earning by not bringing your child with you, to pay for daycare. You can't expect to have a family let you bring your child to work (and an infant that will need your attention at times where you shouldn't delay by doing something else instead) and not put full attention on their own kids. That is why they got a nanny in the first place. If you don't like that idea, then don't bring your own child.

It never stops to amaze me when nannies think that just because it is an older child that you should put more focus on your own child at times. I think if your child is also an older kid that doesn't constantly need immediate attention or the type of attention where you cannot easily stop for a few minutes while focusing on the other kids (like when you are trying to put down for a nap, feed and burp etc) that it could work ok at times. There are times you are going to need to put your infant first and that will not go over well with many families.

She wants to get a deal by letting you bring your kid to work. However so do you


Pros of you bringing your baby:
-Youll have a job
-Youll be able to be with your baby
-Youll save money on childcare
-You can't afford good childcare

Pros of MB having a nanny who brings her child:
-Cheaper childcare
-She doesn't have to go through the hiring process of a new nanny
-Her kids already like you (and I'm assuming she likes you)

Soooo, it kind of evens out.

OBVIOUSLY you can't/won't IGNORE your baby....but it's going to be a lot to do with 3 kids. You're getting paid to care for her kids so that's what you'll have to do first.

It's worth trying...however I'd ask for $11/hr.

Nvm I just read you plan on moving. Then there you go.

She'll be paying you a BABYSITTER's salary! So she shouldn't expect you to bend over backwards for her kids at all times anyway. I think quitting is the smart thing to do.

We will likely end up moving back to my hometown where I have family that I can trust should I have to work outside the home. I have possible leads from others I know of jobs I could get there. I just do not feel comfortable with her offer, regardless of how nice it is. Plus their 4-year-old is very aggressive, and I do not trust him one bit around my newborn seeing how rough he is with the family cats. The more my husband and I talk about it, the more it makes sense for me to quit and give my notice before I go on leave and at least maintain a decent reference from them if I need it. They will likely understand that our need to have our family support nearby. The cost of living will be lower there for us too.

Calling it a "so-called benefit" let's me know that you're not thinking about this at all from your employer's perspective. I wonder if your husband isn't tainting your thoughts on this. It is absolutely 100% a benefit to YOU and not at all to your employers. Its actually a negative to your employers because it means that the boys will have to share your attention. And if she's been great about everything else like you said, then I'm sure she's not saying your baby comes second always. She's just making sure you're not making the boys stay inside all day playing by themselves while you take care of a baby (which having nannied for twins, you know is a lot of work).

You will rarely find parents willing to allow their nanny to bring along the nanny's child because it's an inconvenience to the employer that they really don't need to settle for. If you've found in that will be happy to let you bring along your baby, consider hard whether this is something you want to turn down. Especially at this point, it will be difficult to set up a daycare, move, or find another nanny share so close to your due date. Sorry, OP. Having a baby is expensive and you have I make difficult choices. Welcome to motherhood

+1 excellently said.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not "crap pay." You have to add in the value of child care for your child, too. You're not going to do much better in a share situation with another infant, IMO, if $13.50 is pretty standard in your area.

Yeah but it's not much value if my baby's care is always secondary.

She is paying for you to take care of her children, why would she want the boys schedule be dictated by your child's.

Calling it a "so-called benefit" let's me know that you're not thinking about this at all from your employer's perspective. I wonder if your husband isn't tainting your thoughts on this. It is absolutely 100% a benefit to YOU and not at all to your employers. Its actually a negative to your employers because it means that the boys will have to share your attention. And if she's been great about everything else like you said, then I'm sure she's not saying your baby comes second always. She's just making sure you're not making the boys stay inside all day playing by themselves while you take care of a baby (which having nannied for twins, you know is a lot of work).

You will rarely find parents willing to allow their nanny to bring along the nanny's child because it's an inconvenience to the employer that they really don't need to settle for. If you've found in that will be happy to let you bring along your baby, consider hard whether this is something you want to turn down. Especially at this point, it will be difficult to set up a daycare, move, or find another nanny share so close to your due date. Sorry, OP. Having a baby is expensive and you have I make difficult choices. Welcome to motherhood

+1000 OP your employer is being VERY nice to offer this to you. You should realize that your employer did not go looking for a nanny bringing her child for a lower rate. This is a risk to your job security because if your employer becomes frustrated with the situation or notices that her children are not receiving the same level of care then she can easily afford to hire a nanny who does not bring her child. I know two people who tried this and eventually needed to let their nanny go because it just was not working out. The benefit is 100% to you and there is no way 4 and 7 year old boys are getting anything out of you having a newborn around. Your perspective that you should somehow stay at the same or close to the same rate and bristling at the employer's request that her kid's schedules not change to accomodate your child's schedule is pretty bad. Your husband being offended is ridiculous. Chances are that this will not work out and you will not only be out of job but out of a future reference.

Anonymous wrote:you shouldn't have gotten pregnant. what do you expect?

-nanny

Uncalled for. And a strange thing to say to a married woman.

Anonymous wrote: He feels reducing my salary slightly would be fine, but as much as she is talking about seems extreme. I will be getting this so-called benefit but still have to make sure that her boys (who are more than capable of entertaining themselves on occasion) have my full, constant undivided attention while making my baby secondary and getting a huge pay cut on top of that. Thoughts?

Calling it a "so-called benefit" let's me know that you're not thinking about this at all from your employer's perspective. I wonder if your husband isn't tainting your thoughts on this. It is absolutely 100% a benefit to YOU and not at all to your employers. Its actually a negative to your employers because it means that the boys will have to share your attention. And if she's been great about everything else like you said, then I'm sure she's not saying your baby comes second always. She's just making sure you're not making the boys stay inside all day playing by themselves while you take care of a baby (which having nannied for twins, you know is a lot of work).

You will rarely find parents willing to allow their nanny to bring along the nanny's child because it's an inconvenience to the employer that they really don't need to settle for. If you've found in that will be happy to let you bring along your baby, consider hard whether this is something you want to turn down. Especially at this point, it will be difficult to set up a daycare, move, or find another nanny share so close to your due date. Sorry, OP. Having a baby is expensive and you have I make difficult choices. Welcome to motherhood

you shouldn't have gotten pregnant. what do you expect?

-nanny

OP, you're having a baby. Child care is expensive. So is almost everything associated with children. There is not going to be any way to manage a new person in your family without it costing you some money. Your DH needs to accept that and take the pressure off of you to find free child care for your baby.

Figure out what you want most: a job that brings in maximum income? To be your child's primary caregiver? To not spend any money that you don't have a guaranteed return for? To plan for a future that will work out best long-term?

Once you know what your goals are, it should be clear to you where you want to spend money and where you want to take risks (or not).

OP here. I have considered doing in home daycare with a few other infants/toddlers. I suppose it is possible. The licensing process is quite tedious and we'd have to find a house to rent instead of an apartment, which would likely raise our cost of living. And if I did it without a license, I doubt I could charge what I need to make. But it is something to consider still.

The kids would be out of school or very close to summer break by the time I went back after my leave, so I would they would be in my care full time.

Hi OP, I'm another mom with a nanny, and I have to agree that the rate decrease sounds entirely reasonable. I would suggest you counter with $11/hour just to make it a little better for you. But you really do have to look at this from the employer's perspective too. You said originally that she doesn't want her boys to have to work around the baby's schedule, which I think is also entirely reasonable. She's not saying "ignore the baby if my kids need something" - she's saying she doesn't want her kids entirely scheduled around when the baby needs to eat, nap, etc. She wants to keep the schedule you guys have now essentially, with the addition of a baby coming along.

Even if you make sure that happens, there will be times when her children aren't getting your full attention anymore, there will be times when you are more stressed and exhausted from another child in your care, there will be times when you'll have to focus on the baby instead of her kids - that means that the care you are providing is worth less to her if you bring your kid along.

Totally get that finding childcare sucks and is expensive - I have been there. But don't blame that fact on your employer or feel like she's trying to screw you over. She's paying for a service and has told you what your services would be worth if you brought your baby. If you don't like it or can't accept that salary loss, then you will need to move on and find another situation. It's not personal - tell your husband he needs to drop the emotion out of it.

OP, I think you need to go back and negotiate on the wage, IF you can accept that you will have to manage your baby as if he/she is the third child in the family while you are at work.

That's just reality. You are adding a baby to the mix. Your baby will have to adapt to the current schedule and to the needs of your current charges. It won't be simple, but it can be done if you are able to cope with not putting your child first.

If you can't cope with your child being an addition to an established schedule, you should likely either find a new job with a family looking for newborn care and put your twin experience to work, or you should consider opening an in-home daycare or moving back to where you have family.