Anonymous
09/26/2013 22:52
Subject: Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:22:11 doesn't seem to like the "on par" translation.
"Au pair: young person (usually a young woman) from a foreign country who lives with a family and helps to care for children and do housework in return for the opportunity to learn the family's language". Odd, the phrase "on par" doesn't seem to be in there. Must be lost in the translation.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/au%20pair
You can keep trolling, troll, but the facts are on our side.
What facts? You failed your French class? Or never studied French? What a shame.
And, again, you miss the point. The issue is not how the phrase"Au Pair" is literally translated into English, but what is the actual English definition of the phrase. Once you understand the concept of a literal translation and how it may not align with the actual translation, please explain it to the OP as she seems to misunderstand the word "family".
Anonymous
09/26/2013 22:37
Subject: Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:22:11 doesn't seem to like the "on par" translation.
"Au pair: young person (usually a young woman) from a foreign country who lives with a family and helps to care for children and do housework in return for the opportunity to learn the family's language". Odd, the phrase "on par" doesn't seem to be in there. Must be lost in the translation.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/au%20pair
You can keep trolling, troll, but the facts are on our side.
What facts? You failed your French class? Or never studied French? What a shame.
Anonymous
09/26/2013 22:28
Subject: Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
Anonymous wrote:22:11 doesn't seem to like the "on par" translation.
"Au pair: young person (usually a young woman) from a foreign country who lives with a family and helps to care for children and do housework in return for the opportunity to learn the family's language". Odd, the phrase "on par" doesn't seem to be in there. Must be lost in the translation.
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/au%20pair
You can keep trolling, troll, but the facts are on our side.
Anonymous
09/26/2013 22:13
Subject: Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
22:11 doesn't seem to like the "on par" translation.
Anonymous
09/26/2013 22:11
Subject: Re:Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:PP, I don't get where you think HFs believe that APs have to agree to everything. Some HFs are bad, some APs are bad. The OP/HF here do not sound like a good fit. Unfortunately, OP's credibility takes a hit every time OP references the Mexico trip. While I have never had an AP work those hours, I do know APs who work for families with such schedules. My guess is the parents would like for the AP to have an 8-6, 9-7, or 8-5 schedule, but the parents don't work those hours.
I am not optimistic for the AP and rematch. Yes, the HF did not sound ideal, but what HF is ideal? Granted, some are a lot better than others, but, at the end of the day, the HF will still expect the AP to care for the child(ren). And these are kids, not adults, so there will be days when they are irrational, cranky, sick, etc. Also, what will the AP say when the new HF says they are going to Florida and they will not be able to take her because their HF's parents are paying for it? My SIL's parents book a 3 BR house in FL every winter. Even though SIL has an AP, her parents are not going to rent a larger house to accommodate the AP for one week. Not gonna happen.
So be it. Sounds to me that the "au pair" (on par) experience is little more than a
GRAND MYTH.
After all, if she was "on par" with you, you would not be leaving her at home because you couldn't afford to take her. Or is that how you usually treat people who are "on par" with you?
Let's call it what it is.
What evs. Please read all PPs to develop an understanding as to why you are wrong.
Anonymous
09/26/2013 22:03
Subject: Re:Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
Anonymous wrote:PP, I don't get where you think HFs believe that APs have to agree to everything. Some HFs are bad, some APs are bad. The OP/HF here do not sound like a good fit. Unfortunately, OP's credibility takes a hit every time OP references the Mexico trip. While I have never had an AP work those hours, I do know APs who work for families with such schedules. My guess is the parents would like for the AP to have an 8-6, 9-7, or 8-5 schedule, but the parents don't work those hours.
I am not optimistic for the AP and rematch. Yes, the HF did not sound ideal, but what HF is ideal? Granted, some are a lot better than others, but, at the end of the day, the HF will still expect the AP to care for the child(ren). And these are kids, not adults, so there will be days when they are irrational, cranky, sick, etc. Also, what will the AP say when the new HF says they are going to Florida and they will not be able to take her because their HF's parents are paying for it? My SIL's parents book a 3 BR house in FL every winter. Even though SIL has an AP, her parents are not going to rent a larger house to accommodate the AP for one week. Not gonna happen.
So be it. Sounds to me that the "au pair" (on par) experience is little more than a
GRAND MYTH.
After all, if she was "on par" with you, you would not be leaving her at home because you couldn't afford to take her. Or is that how you usually treat people who are "on par" with you?
Let's call it what it is.
Anonymous
09/26/2013 21:58
Subject: Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
HF family should be reported for working AP more than 45 hours and for psyimg her more than the mandayed stipend.
Anonymous
09/26/2013 21:32
Subject: Re:Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
PP, I don't get where you think HFs believe that APs have to agree to everything. Some HFs are bad, some APs are bad. The OP/HF here do not sound like a good fit. Unfortunately, OP's credibility takes a hit every time OP references the Mexico trip. While I have never had an AP work those hours, I do know APs who work for families with such schedules. My guess is the parents would like for the AP to have an 8-6, 9-7, or 8-5 schedule, but the parents don't work those hours.
I am not optimistic for the AP and rematch. Yes, the HF did not sound ideal, but what HF is ideal? Granted, some are a lot better than others, but, at the end of the day, the HF will still expect the AP to care for the child(ren). And these are kids, not adults, so there will be days when they are irrational, cranky, sick, etc. Also, what will the AP say when the new HF says they are going to Florida and they will not be able to take her because their HF's parents are paying for it? My SIL's parents book a 3 BR house in FL every winter. Even though SIL has an AP, her parents are not going to rent a larger house to accommodate the AP for one week. Not gonna happen.
I am not optimistic for the AP and rematch. Yes, the HF did not sound ideal, but what HF is ideal? Granted, some are a lot better than others, but, at the end of the day, the HF will still expect the AP to care for the child(ren). And these are kids, not adults, so there will be days when they are irrational, cranky, sick, etc. Also, what will the AP say when the new HF says they are going to Florida and they will not be able to take her because their HF's parents are paying for it? My SIL's parents book a 3 BR house in FL every winter. Even though SIL has an AP, her parents are not going to rent a larger house to accommodate the AP for one week. Not gonna happen.
Anonymous
09/26/2013 19:26
Subject: Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
I do not understandAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I think most of the replies here are from host families who think taking the host families side is the patriotic thing to do.
If this was a post from an American au pair complaining about working conditions in Spain or Mexico, the replies would have been very different
But I agree the au pair should rematch. There are better things to do when you are young than spend a year in a Philly suburb trapped in someones house
Indeed. Such as having your visa revoked and going back to your country of origin when you can't find a family who will rematch with you if you persist in certain attitudes. It's not about being "patriotic." It's about the complaints themselves.
Europeans are under the Shengen visa rules and can visit any time without a visa for 90 days. In the au pair program the permit to work depends on being employed by HF, but you do have time to be 'legally' waiting for employment without a host family and still be in the country. Rematch is not unusual at all. Some times the issue is with the host family or working conditions. An au pair does not have to agree to everything. She can descide to leave
Anonymous
09/26/2013 17:16
Subject: Re:Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Some answers to the questions that were asked :
1) No, I did not know what the schedule would be. But I guess I would have agreed to it anyway, I wanted to match their needs. I wouldn't mind working so late if I knew I could have tv in my room to relax. Right now I go up to my room and don't do anything besides organizing my stuff, my bedroom is spotless for sure lol
I will get one full weekend off every month, except that I'm not getting it in September because of the week off in Mexico. And I will work above the 45 hours when the kid is off from school for about $5 the extra hour.
My hours on Saturdays are about 11am-5pm or earlier like 9am-3pm ... it's hard to plan anything, I always have to say no to the au pairs that invite me to go out ... so now they don't invite me any more and I understand why.
2) Yes, I have spoken with the family about my concerns with their child kicking me. I told them I told him to stop doing it and put him on time out. The father said his son doesn't need the time out, he needs to figure by himself if he does something wrong. And when the kid kicked me in front of his parents the dad laughed and I was puzzled ... I felt like rolling my eyes and run away from them ...
3) I was told the dad was working from home when I talked to the former au pair. By then I had already accepted the job. The au pair told me she hated the fact the dad was home.
It's ok for me, he works in his office and I do what I have to do. At first he would come and see what we do to check but now he trusts me and it's like being at the house by myself.
4) Yes I could have afforded a trip to Mexico, if the family had invited me along. If they had told me, we'd like you to come but would like you to pay your flight/hotel room, I would have asked them how much it is and seen if I could come. I didn't want a free ride but the opportunity to come along if possible.
(3) You never really did answer those of us who were curious as to whether you could afford a several thousand dollar trip to Mexico, if only the family would invite you along. Would you really have offered to the host family that you really really want to come along to Mexico and will pay your way, no matter the cost?
4) About their lifestyle, I KNOW they are well off. She both own very successful businesses. I find myself having to justify their lifestyle but I never expected them to pay anything more than what the program is about : room, board and pocket money.
5) I understand 100% that I am not invited to the wedding. It's my little boy's big brother's wedding (my host parents are older). My host family has had au pairs for 7 years and they told me in their welcome letter that they would take their au pairs on vacation to visit family if the au pairs wanted to come but they didn't have to. That's why I was surprised when they didn't invite me. So ok this is a wedding and not a vacation but the wedding is just one day long, they're leaving for about 5 days, there was other days to be together and visit etc. I would have stayed in my room at the hotel during the wedding or whatever.
6) The host family told me I HAVE to be at the house morning and evening for the workmen to come and go. They didn't leave me a choice. Of course it only takes a few minutes each time and maybe they think they're not asking much because I won't work the full 45 hours.
(7) Yes I want to hang out with the family but after 9.30pm I'm tired, we usually get a drink and talk about the day for 15/20 min, I tell them what I cooked for dinner and they need to be alone as a couple too so I go up to my room.
I don't think they would be interested in watching the same things I do, there's a very small couch in the den and the 3 of us sitting there would make me completely uncomfortable.
What I like to share with them is any meal (which we do on weekends), going to the groceries, they invited me to the block party and I loved it
I went with the dad to run his personal errands and help him out carrying some stuff - just like a family member would do.
I didn't think about getting a tablet, I must say I am not familiar with using them but this is a good idea !
8) I feel less depressed since I have talked to the host parents. I'm still homesick but so eager to discover more about the US and right now I feel trapped because I can't go out as much as I would like.
But that will change with time
9) Maybe I sound cavalier in my attitude about rematch, I'm sorry if it comes out this way. I can only get the au pair visa once and that's why I want my year to be a successful one.
My host father has offered to talk to my prospective families, he wants to part ways the best way possible and since I talked to them he's been the same person he used to be : nice and talkative.
Yes he is disapointed it didn't work out but he wants to move on and find a happy girl that will stay for a year with them.
Well, it sounds like after all of the explanations you have given here that this is just one of those "not clicking" situations, and I do hope that it works out for you. It is still hard for me to understand your perspective on one issue - the Mexico wedding - since that seems to be the "deal breaker" for you. But it is quite common for families NOT to bring APs on expensive vacations, even if they CAN technically afford it (or to have reasons not to bring the AP on a particular family trip, even if the AP wants to pay her way), and if you really want to be able to stay the whole year in the U.S., but not being brought on one trip is your "deal breaker," I'm not sure how you will last the year. If you get a new family and then try to re-match again for a similar thing, it will look pretty bad.....Then again, it may be that this was only the "deal breaker" because other things had been building up and making you uncomfortable until this point.
And I can definitely understand some of the other issues being deal-breakers (child kicking is a persistent problem that the parents won't deal with, schedule not what you agreed to, feeling obligated to work more than 45 hours a week, even for extra pay - and the extra pay should be a higher rate in my opinion.) So - I'm glad for your sake that you could end on good terms, and I wish you best of luck with your new family!
Anonymous
09/26/2013 16:09
Subject: Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
Anonymous wrote:You sound like a real gem, OP. I hope you get a better family next time, and we wish you well. Sorry about all the nasty people here.
Thank you
I'm not perfect, it's not easy ... People should realize what we go through when we come to live in the US. You can't understand unless you have been in a similar situation.
I truly want to find a family where I'll be happy 100% and I always give my best.
About the pocket money, I know they should pay me for this week off, they didn't say they wouldn't
Anonymous
09/26/2013 16:04
Subject: Re:Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
OP here. Some answers to the questions that were asked :
1) No, I did not know what the schedule would be. But I guess I would have agreed to it anyway, I wanted to match their needs. I wouldn't mind working so late if I knew I could have tv in my room to relax. Right now I go up to my room and don't do anything besides organizing my stuff, my bedroom is spotless for sure lol
I will get one full weekend off every month, except that I'm not getting it in September because of the week off in Mexico. And I will work above the 45 hours when the kid is off from school for about $5 the extra hour.
My hours on Saturdays are about 11am-5pm or earlier like 9am-3pm ... it's hard to plan anything, I always have to say no to the au pairs that invite me to go out ... so now they don't invite me any more and I understand why.
2) Yes, I have spoken with the family about my concerns with their child kicking me. I told them I told him to stop doing it and put him on time out. The father said his son doesn't need the time out, he needs to figure by himself if he does something wrong. And when the kid kicked me in front of his parents the dad laughed and I was puzzled ... I felt like rolling my eyes and run away from them ...
3) I was told the dad was working from home when I talked to the former au pair. By then I had already accepted the job. The au pair told me she hated the fact the dad was home.
It's ok for me, he works in his office and I do what I have to do. At first he would come and see what we do to check but now he trusts me and it's like being at the house by myself.
4) Yes I could have afforded a trip to Mexico, if the family had invited me along. If they had told me, we'd like you to come but would like you to pay your flight/hotel room, I would have asked them how much it is and seen if I could come. I didn't want a free ride but the opportunity to come along if possible.
(3) You never really did answer those of us who were curious as to whether you could afford a several thousand dollar trip to Mexico, if only the family would invite you along. Would you really have offered to the host family that you really really want to come along to Mexico and will pay your way, no matter the cost?
4) About their lifestyle, I KNOW they are well off. She both own very successful businesses. I find myself having to justify their lifestyle but I never expected them to pay anything more than what the program is about : room, board and pocket money.
5) I understand 100% that I am not invited to the wedding. It's my little boy's big brother's wedding (my host parents are older). My host family has had au pairs for 7 years and they told me in their welcome letter that they would take their au pairs on vacation to visit family if the au pairs wanted to come but they didn't have to. That's why I was surprised when they didn't invite me. So ok this is a wedding and not a vacation but the wedding is just one day long, they're leaving for about 5 days, there was other days to be together and visit etc. I would have stayed in my room at the hotel during the wedding or whatever.
6) The host family told me I HAVE to be at the house morning and evening for the workmen to come and go. They didn't leave me a choice. Of course it only takes a few minutes each time and maybe they think they're not asking much because I won't work the full 45 hours.
(7) Yes I want to hang out with the family but after 9.30pm I'm tired, we usually get a drink and talk about the day for 15/20 min, I tell them what I cooked for dinner and they need to be alone as a couple too so I go up to my room.
I don't think they would be interested in watching the same things I do, there's a very small couch in the den and the 3 of us sitting there would make me completely uncomfortable.
What I like to share with them is any meal (which we do on weekends), going to the groceries, they invited me to the block party and I loved it
I went with the dad to run his personal errands and help him out carrying some stuff - just like a family member would do.
I didn't think about getting a tablet, I must say I am not familiar with using them but this is a good idea !
8) I feel less depressed since I have talked to the host parents. I'm still homesick but so eager to discover more about the US and right now I feel trapped because I can't go out as much as I would like.
But that will change with time
9) Maybe I sound cavalier in my attitude about rematch, I'm sorry if it comes out this way. I can only get the au pair visa once and that's why I want my year to be a successful one.
My host father has offered to talk to my prospective families, he wants to part ways the best way possible and since I talked to them he's been the same person he used to be : nice and talkative.
Yes he is disapointed it didn't work out but he wants to move on and find a happy girl that will stay for a year with them.
1) No, I did not know what the schedule would be. But I guess I would have agreed to it anyway, I wanted to match their needs. I wouldn't mind working so late if I knew I could have tv in my room to relax. Right now I go up to my room and don't do anything besides organizing my stuff, my bedroom is spotless for sure lol
I will get one full weekend off every month, except that I'm not getting it in September because of the week off in Mexico. And I will work above the 45 hours when the kid is off from school for about $5 the extra hour.
My hours on Saturdays are about 11am-5pm or earlier like 9am-3pm ... it's hard to plan anything, I always have to say no to the au pairs that invite me to go out ... so now they don't invite me any more and I understand why.
2) Yes, I have spoken with the family about my concerns with their child kicking me. I told them I told him to stop doing it and put him on time out. The father said his son doesn't need the time out, he needs to figure by himself if he does something wrong. And when the kid kicked me in front of his parents the dad laughed and I was puzzled ... I felt like rolling my eyes and run away from them ...
3) I was told the dad was working from home when I talked to the former au pair. By then I had already accepted the job. The au pair told me she hated the fact the dad was home.
It's ok for me, he works in his office and I do what I have to do. At first he would come and see what we do to check but now he trusts me and it's like being at the house by myself.
4) Yes I could have afforded a trip to Mexico, if the family had invited me along. If they had told me, we'd like you to come but would like you to pay your flight/hotel room, I would have asked them how much it is and seen if I could come. I didn't want a free ride but the opportunity to come along if possible.
(3) You never really did answer those of us who were curious as to whether you could afford a several thousand dollar trip to Mexico, if only the family would invite you along. Would you really have offered to the host family that you really really want to come along to Mexico and will pay your way, no matter the cost?
4) About their lifestyle, I KNOW they are well off. She both own very successful businesses. I find myself having to justify their lifestyle but I never expected them to pay anything more than what the program is about : room, board and pocket money.
5) I understand 100% that I am not invited to the wedding. It's my little boy's big brother's wedding (my host parents are older). My host family has had au pairs for 7 years and they told me in their welcome letter that they would take their au pairs on vacation to visit family if the au pairs wanted to come but they didn't have to. That's why I was surprised when they didn't invite me. So ok this is a wedding and not a vacation but the wedding is just one day long, they're leaving for about 5 days, there was other days to be together and visit etc. I would have stayed in my room at the hotel during the wedding or whatever.
6) The host family told me I HAVE to be at the house morning and evening for the workmen to come and go. They didn't leave me a choice. Of course it only takes a few minutes each time and maybe they think they're not asking much because I won't work the full 45 hours.
(7) Yes I want to hang out with the family but after 9.30pm I'm tired, we usually get a drink and talk about the day for 15/20 min, I tell them what I cooked for dinner and they need to be alone as a couple too so I go up to my room.
I don't think they would be interested in watching the same things I do, there's a very small couch in the den and the 3 of us sitting there would make me completely uncomfortable.
What I like to share with them is any meal (which we do on weekends), going to the groceries, they invited me to the block party and I loved it
I went with the dad to run his personal errands and help him out carrying some stuff - just like a family member would do.
I didn't think about getting a tablet, I must say I am not familiar with using them but this is a good idea !
8) I feel less depressed since I have talked to the host parents. I'm still homesick but so eager to discover more about the US and right now I feel trapped because I can't go out as much as I would like.
But that will change with time
9) Maybe I sound cavalier in my attitude about rematch, I'm sorry if it comes out this way. I can only get the au pair visa once and that's why I want my year to be a successful one.
My host father has offered to talk to my prospective families, he wants to part ways the best way possible and since I talked to them he's been the same person he used to be : nice and talkative.
Yes he is disapointed it didn't work out but he wants to move on and find a happy girl that will stay for a year with them.
Anonymous
09/26/2013 15:10
Subject: Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
Hm here... I understand wanting to go but also understand the cost. It's a tough situation, however, they need to pay you and it does not count as a vacation week for you.
Anonymous
09/26/2013 12:19
Subject: Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
You sound like a real gem, OP. I hope you get a better family next time, and we wish you well. Sorry about all the nasty people here.
Anonymous
09/26/2013 11:34
Subject: Re:Host family leaving for a vacation without the Au Pair
Anonymous wrote:OP/AP, please keep us apprised of what happens. Based on your responses over six pages, I predict that you will return to your home country before the end of the year when you realize that there is more give and take to the AP/HF arrangement than you would like. I understand your despair about being left alone while your HF is in Mexico, but I seriously don't understand your drama over it. Seriously.
OP here.
You're probably a bitter Host Mom, just saying
Otherwise you wouldn't wish me good luck in being sent home to end that "drama" !
I have read posts here where Host Moms weren't happy with their Au Pairs and wondering if they should do a rematch.
I believe you have to follow you heart and do what's good for YOU. Your family is not happy with the Au Pair and you don't picture yourself a whole year with her at your home : time or a rematch !
Same thing goes for me. I can't picture myself living with them for a year after being left out. This is how I feel and I have to do what's best for me.
And despite everything I'm doing my best with this kid (I like him very much despite his kicking/behavior issues).
I'm doing my part of the contract, I do the 45 hours and anything I see that needs to be done in the house I do it, and I cook dinner for everybody and do the full cleanup.
I'm teaching my language to the kid because that's why they chose me and I search teaching ideas for kids his age and come up with fun activites everyday.
The second week I was here, I had done my 45 hours and they had hired a babysitter that never came and even though I was very tired I offered them to go out and I would watch the kid.
So to the people who said I am not a good candidate for the program, you can keep your opinion to yourself because you can't be further from the truth !!
I have wanted to do this program since I was 15 and went to the US for the first time with my class. I checked the requirements and did what I had to do : studies, driving license and experience with kids (working in a daycare and after school programs), my experience exceeds the 200 hours of experience that are required.
Anyways. I talked to my host parents after I put the kid to bed. We went to the den and had a quiet conversation. It was hard for me to tell them but I felt so relieved afterwards.
They wanted to keep trying for another week or two and see if we can improve things but I told them my decision was already taken and that I would leave.
They told me all the nice things they did for me, which I thanked them for, but that they want someone that's happy with everything.
So we have agreed I would stay as long as they can find a replacement and until I find another family as well.
They were surprised but had planned to talk to me next weekend because they felt I was sad ...
I'm so happy we could talk this over and that there is no bitterness. I will keep on doing my work the way I did and my host father has agreed to talk to the prospective families if they ask for it.
2 families will call this evening, one from Minnesota and one from New Jersey.
I'll let you know how it goes