Anonymous wrote:Maybe I think I'm the boss. Maybe the point is that it's my house, my family, my money paying your salary, and my rules. Maybe the point is you accepted this offer from me, for this job, working for someone you've had ample opportunity to get to know. If you don't like it you're free to leave but no one forced you to accept the offer after all the time you've invested in getting to know me as a potential employer.

How many references did you give her, so she had the opportunity to verify your self-praise? Zero? She didn't know you at all, did she?

Here it is.

Anonymous wrote:You've had three long meetings and introduced her to your children, husband and visiting in-laws. They all adored her. You've studied every detail in her stellar reference letters. You've spent many hours on the phone with her loyal former families. You've negociated and signed an acceptable contract. You had your paid trial day. You've learned who she is and how she does her job. Her rates are high, but she clearly knows how to do her job, and you don't want to be worried while you're trying to do your job. She's a true professional in every way, according to every former employer.
Do you really think you're going to tell her how to do her work your way, which may be a completely different way of doing everything? What's the point?

If you want someone to do everything your way, get a sitter, not a nanny. Your chances of long term success will skyrocket. I promise.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your downtown office job is 9-5, and nanny works 9-5?
So you live downtown next door to your office job. Now we got it. Thanks.

Don't tell me you've never heard of two-parent parents with staggered hours. Wife leaves at 8, husband leaves at 9 sort of thing?

It appears the nanny is the primary caregiver of your child. Your staggered hours with your husband gives you both some time with child, but nanny seems to have the majority of waking hours. If not, what's the breakdown of who has what hours?

Oh jeez, a 9 to 5 nanny is there for 8 hours. Deduct 4 hours for naps and all you have is four waking hours a day. The parents have the baby all evenings, all mornings, all night wakeups, all weekends. Believe me, the nanny won't come out ahead.

Few nannies work only 8 hr days.
I did 12 hr days, 5 days a week.

What makes you think you are a rule?

Hello. It's what I did. Neither you nor I rule. Silly!

Then you're quite free to talk about your individual experience, without generalizing it to the entire population of nannied children or describing it in terms of national crisis of "absentee parents."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your downtown office job is 9-5, and nanny works 9-5?
So you live downtown next door to your office job. Now we got it. Thanks.

Don't tell me you've never heard of two-parent parents with staggered hours. Wife leaves at 8, husband leaves at 9 sort of thing?

It appears the nanny is the primary caregiver of your child. Your staggered hours with your husband gives you both some time with child, but nanny seems to have the majority of waking hours. If not, what's the breakdown of who has what hours?

Oh jeez, a 9 to 5 nanny is there for 8 hours. Deduct 4 hours for naps and all you have is four waking hours a day. The parents have the baby all evenings, all mornings, all night wakeups, all weekends. Believe me, the nanny won't come out ahead.

Few nannies work only 8 hr days.
I did 12 hr days, 5 days a week.

What makes you think you are a rule?

Hello. It's what I did. Neither you nor I rule. Silly!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your downtown office job is 9-5, and nanny works 9-5?
So you live downtown next door to your office job. Now we got it. Thanks.

Don't tell me you've never heard of two-parent parents with staggered hours. Wife leaves at 8, husband leaves at 9 sort of thing?

It appears the nanny is the primary caregiver of your child. Your staggered hours with your husband gives you both some time with child, but nanny seems to have the majority of waking hours. If not, what's the breakdown of who has what hours?

Oh jeez, a 9 to 5 nanny is there for 8 hours. Deduct 4 hours for naps and all you have is four waking hours a day. The parents have the baby all evenings, all mornings, all night wakeups, all weekends. Believe me, the nanny won't come out ahead.

Few nannies work only 8 hr days.
I did 12 hr days, 5 days a week.

What makes you think you are a rule?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just a fun observation- So many MBs on DCUM say "I would never hire any nanny who visits DCUM. You're all entitled, rude and unprofessional." I am one of those nannies. The funny thing about it is that every single time I log into Care.com or Sittercity, I have 5 or 6 new messages from parents. I've found jobs through agencies and have to turn down interviews. Just goes to show...

I am the MB above with the two "morons", as you put it. Guess what? Got them both through two different agencies. We thoroughly checked references - that is, the names the agencies were willing to give us. That's why I don't use agencies anymore. I am not going to pay a $7K fee for attitude and grief.

Which nanny agencies are collecting $7,000. out of you?
No wonder you can't afford to pay the nanny a living wage!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your downtown office job is 9-5, and nanny works 9-5?
So you live downtown next door to your office job. Now we got it. Thanks.

Don't tell me you've never heard of two-parent parents with staggered hours. Wife leaves at 8, husband leaves at 9 sort of thing?

It appears the nanny is the primary caregiver of your child. Your staggered hours with your husband gives you both some time with child, but nanny seems to have the majority of waking hours. If not, what's the breakdown of who has what hours?

Oh jeez, a 9 to 5 nanny is there for 8 hours. Deduct 4 hours for naps and all you have is four waking hours a day. The parents have the baby all evenings, all mornings, all night wakeups, all weekends. Believe me, the nanny won't come out ahead.

Few nannies work only 8 hr days.
I did 12 hr days, 5 days a week.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your downtown office job is 9-5, and nanny works 9-5?
So you live downtown next door to your office job. Now we got it. Thanks.

Don't tell me you've never heard of two-parent parents with staggered hours. Wife leaves at 8, husband leaves at 9 sort of thing?

It appears the nanny is the primary caregiver of your child. Your staggered hours with your husband gives you both some time with child, but nanny seems to have the majority of waking hours. If not, what's the breakdown of who has what hours?

Oh jeez, a 9 to 5 nanny is there for 8 hours. Deduct 4 hours for naps and all you have is four waking hours a day. The parents have the baby all evenings, all mornings, all night wakeups, all weekends. Believe me, the nanny won't come out ahead.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You squandered your cash for an experienced nanny, only to retrain her? Brilliant. How many years did she have under her belt?

20+. I didn't need to retrain her. She knew there is more than one way to achieve what we wanted and recognized she knew her craft but I knew my baby.

Maybe you knew your baby at birth, but once you're absent most of your baby's waking hours, it's the nanny who knows your baby best. Reading a log book at night, doesn't constitute "knowing" your baby, FYI.

Crazy weekends dashing about, plus an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening (if that), doesn't allow you the relaxed time I have as a nanny, to savor every new daily development of a baby.

You know what? I'm OK not seeing his first step, or his first word, or his first smile. He'll be doing it a lot for the rest of his life. Plus, for all you know, his first smile happened when you were in the bathroom.

I still don't get what you're out to prove.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your downtown office job is 9-5, and nanny works 9-5?
So you live downtown next door to your office job. Now we got it. Thanks.

Don't tell me you've never heard of two-parent parents with staggered hours. Wife leaves at 8, husband leaves at 9 sort of thing?

It appears the nanny is the primary caregiver of your child. Your staggered hours with your husband gives you both some time with child, but nanny seems to have the majority of waking hours. If not, what's the breakdown of who has what hours?

Have you heard of that thing called napping? It happens in the daytime. Children do that a lot. 9 to 5 aren't exactly waking hours in totality are they. Since you're the one wanting to do math, don't forget to deduct the napping hours - since I'm sure you were going to count them as waking just because they happen in the daylight.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You squandered your cash for an experienced nanny, only to retrain her? Brilliant. How many years did she have under her belt?

20+. I didn't need to retrain her. She knew there is more than one way to achieve what we wanted and recognized she knew her craft but I knew my baby.

Maybe you knew your baby at birth, but once you're absent most of your baby's waking hours, it's the nanny who knows your baby best. Reading a log book at night, doesn't constitute "knowing" your baby, FYI.

Crazy weekends dashing about, plus an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening (if that), doesn't allow you the relaxed time I have as a nanny, to savor every new daily development of a baby.

The truth is, you have no idea what my weekends are like. You just made it up because it fits your story better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You squandered your cash for an experienced nanny, only to retrain her? Brilliant. How many years did she have under her belt?

20+. I didn't need to retrain her. She knew there is more than one way to achieve what we wanted and recognized she knew her craft but I knew my baby.

Maybe you knew your baby at birth, but once you're absent most of your baby's waking hours, it's the nanny who knows your baby best. Reading a log book at night, doesn't constitute "knowing" your baby, FYI.

Crazy weekends dashing about, plus an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening (if that), doesn't allow you the relaxed time I have as a nanny, to savor every new daily development of a baby.

This is true. But you work for me. You're here because I hired you to care for my child(ren) in the manner I choose and oversee. You are a long term (hopefully) but still temporary employee, and you're replaceable. You can call in sick, take vacation, quit, etc... My child may or may not remember you in 5 years. The title of "nanny" versus "mommy" in a child's mind are vastly, eternally.

My daughter told me the other day that her nanny is her best friend. I, and the nanny, were so touched by that and I think it's wonderful. She walks around telling everyone "This is my mommy!" She knows the difference. There is room for all kinds of love but there is no world in which a mother is really replaced in a kid's heart - no matter what the mother does or doesn't do.

Spend a little time working w/ kids who end up in the social services system and you'll immediately grasp the utter unseverability of the mother/child relationship.

Have your own children if you want to be a mother. In the meantime you'll care for my children as I see fit, and as I want done - or you'll work for someone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You squandered your cash for an experienced nanny, only to retrain her? Brilliant. How many years did she have under her belt?

20+. I didn't need to retrain her. She knew there is more than one way to achieve what we wanted and recognized she knew her craft but I knew my baby.

Maybe you knew your baby at birth, but once you're absent most of your baby's waking hours, it's the nanny who knows your baby best. Reading a log book at night, doesn't constitute "knowing" your baby, FYI.

Crazy weekends dashing about, plus an hour in the morning and an hour in the evening (if that), doesn't allow you the relaxed time I have as a nanny, to savor every new daily development of a baby.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Your downtown office job is 9-5, and nanny works 9-5?
So you live downtown next door to your office job. Now we got it. Thanks.

Don't tell me you've never heard of two-parent parents with staggered hours. Wife leaves at 8, husband leaves at 9 sort of thing?

It appears the nanny is the primary caregiver of your child. Your staggered hours with your husband gives you both some time with child, but nanny seems to have the majority of waking hours. If not, what's the breakdown of who has what hours?