Anonymous wrote:I recently hired a baby-sitter to watch my three boys. I came home to find she picked up and vacuumed their rooms, did three loads of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen and vacuumed the living room. She was only supposed to watch the boys and she gave my youngest a bath when she wasn’t supposed to. It feels really intrusive, she folded my husbands under wear!!!! I feel offended like she thinks I live in some kind of pigsty. She took out the garbage and then another full bag of garbage from the kids rooms. She didn’t touch the master bath or bathroom, but I don’t know what to think. It feels insulting, like she is better at taking care of my house than I am and trying to prove a point.

There are some people who welcome help. Others find it intrusive or offensive.

My grandmother is the kind of person who walks in to others' home and starts "helping", moving things around, throwing things away, in the name of "cleaning". It drove my mother nuts.

Now, as a nanny? I'm very aware that some people welcome that, others do not.

However, I'm also not doing a ton of extra work beyond what is negotiated... anything not for kids is extra cost if required regularly, but I'm happy to do a little occasionally, if my employer is open to it *and* has no expectation that it's part of my job.

I wouldn’t complain about the babysitter giving your child a bath.

Maybe your child got really dirty somehow and the sitter just wanted him to be cleaned up.
Most parents would be annoyed if they came home to a dirty child.

Anonymous wrote:Was she an older lady and not from US? That’s pretty standard there. Our baby for many years was told to only do kids dishes and laundry (like 2xe a week). She ended up scrubbing the floors, raking leaves, sorting kids clothes and a lot of pickup. She didn’t touch our bedroom but everything else was fair game. She was bored during naps and cleaned with kids in tow. We were generous with bonuses and I learned not to let it bother me or take is as a testament of me not cleaning enough.

This could be a legit reason.

Perhaps people from other countries + cultures have different job requirements & expectations.

Most people would probably think they hit the sitter lotto - - however there are a few things that this sitter did that maybe were a little bit intrusive such as folding your husband’s underwear!
Even doing the laundry was crossing a boundary since many people are picky about how they like their laundry done.
Or maybe they just feel uncomfortable having a complete stranger handle their “delicate” garments!

Even though she wasn’t supposed to bathe one of your boys, perhaps he spilled something on him or just got really dirty/soiled somehow.

I have had a situation or two where I have been watching a kid who got incredibly filthy where I felt I had to give them a bath even though it wasn’t part of my job duties so I would let that go.

If you plan on using this particular babysitter again >> simply thank her for the chores she did (it doesn’t mean that she thinks you reside in a pigsty by the way) - however let her know that moving forward you would prefer it if she simply cared for your sons.
I am sure she will understand.

Good luck!

Yeah, this babysitter sounds amazing.

That being said, you're the boss. If your preference is that she not do such things, it's fine to tell her next time. "I'd prefer if you didn't clean or do laundry while you're here, and rather just focused on the boys."

The only thing that's somewhat of a red flag is the bath. You say she "wasn't supposed to" - does that mean you said "they don't need baths, they should just go to bed" and she did anyway? If so, that's weird (unless he liked rolled in mud or something). But if you never discussed baths, it's not crazy. It's totally fine to say "please do not bathe the children."

Bottom line: An employee should listen to your direct instructions, and if told not to do something, should not do that thing. But going above and beyond when things aren't specifically discussed is a good thing.

Also - particularly if you're going to specifically tell someone not to clean, you need to make sure you're leaving them a reasonable clean place for them to hang out with the kids and play with them.

Try saying thank you. She sounds wonderful.

Omg be thankful you sound exhausting!

Was she an older lady and not from US? That’s pretty standard there. Our baby for many years was told to only do kids dishes and laundry (like 2xe a week). She ended up scrubbing the floors, raking leaves, sorting kids clothes and a lot of pickup. She didn’t touch our bedroom but everything else was fair game. She was bored during naps and cleaned with kids in tow. We were generous with bonuses and I learned not to let it bother me or take is as a testament of me not cleaning enough.

You are out of your mind lady! You can choose to be appreciative of your sitter and look at the many posts how nannies don't do any chores. Or just tell your friends how insulting you find the babysitter and she would be booked solid for the year

I recently hired a baby-sitter to watch my three boys. I came home to find she picked up and vacuumed their rooms, did three loads of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen and vacuumed the living room. She was only supposed to watch the boys and she gave my youngest a bath when she wasn’t supposed to. It feels really intrusive, she folded my husbands under wear!!!! I feel offended like she thinks I live in some kind of pigsty. She took out the garbage and then another full bag of garbage from the kids rooms. She didn’t touch the master bath or bathroom, but I don’t know what to think. It feels insulting, like she is better at taking care of my house than I am and trying to prove a point.