Anonymous wrote:OP here. We are pretty close to school so the au pair either walks or ubers (if it is raining) since she can’t drive. We asked the kids the same question obviously but their account matches what the au pair told us - basically they were arguing amongst themselves and she got overwhelmed and just was hanging around near a random store (ie no real reason whatsoever).

We are actually going to part with her soon. She almost got my kid killed by not paying attention when he tried to cross the road by himself. She doesn’t intervene properly when the kids are playing dangerously, and they are constantly getting injured (small cuts, bruises) when she is watching them. This never happens when they are with us or with previous nannies. She definitely oversold us on her childcare experience.

I appreciate everyone’s advice here and the fact that this au pair program is as much about cultural exchange / training as it is about childcare. Unfortunately for us, we don’t have the time or energy to handhold her through childcare 101 nor can we work through the anxiety of our kids potentially getting hit by a bus while with her. At a certain level, the au pair needs to be able to meet basic expectation. We can be patient but not when it comes to our kids safety.

I’m not here to bash the program or anything. I think our au pair is a nice person, and there were moments that seemed hopeful. However, unless you are the type of person that can roll with the punches and have back up plans when things don’t work the way you expected, I think the risk of a bad match outweighs the benefit

Op it sounds like you are making a wise choice. It is not worth the risk. I am a long time host mom and regret not rematching on my last au pair. It was really hard on the kids in hindsight. That being said there are many great qualified au pairs out there.

OP here. We are pretty close to school so the au pair either walks or ubers (if it is raining) since she can’t drive. We asked the kids the same question obviously but their account matches what the au pair told us - basically they were arguing amongst themselves and she got overwhelmed and just was hanging around near a random store (ie no real reason whatsoever).

We are actually going to part with her soon. She almost got my kid killed by not paying attention when he tried to cross the road by himself. She doesn’t intervene properly when the kids are playing dangerously, and they are constantly getting injured (small cuts, bruises) when she is watching them. This never happens when they are with us or with previous nannies. She definitely oversold us on her childcare experience.

I appreciate everyone’s advice here and the fact that this au pair program is as much about cultural exchange / training as it is about childcare. Unfortunately for us, we don’t have the time or energy to handhold her through childcare 101 nor can we work through the anxiety of our kids potentially getting hit by a bus while with her. At a certain level, the au pair needs to be able to meet basic expectation. We can be patient but not when it comes to our kids safety.

I’m not here to bash the program or anything. I think our au pair is a nice person, and there were moments that seemed hopeful. However, unless you are the type of person that can roll with the punches and have back up plans when things don’t work the way you expected, I think the risk of a bad match outweighs the benefit

Put a tracker on the phone you provide her as well as the car.

Tell her that not picking up is absolutely unacceptable, and you require immediate answer when they are on duty.

If she doesn't improve, I would rematch.

Anonymous wrote:How reliable are your kids as narrators? I would have asked your kids what they did after school when the AP wasn't around. My hunch is she was doing something with another AP, having fun, and didn't want to bring the kids back because she was. You don't ask them what Larla was doing; you do ask them "What did you do after school? Did you go to a playground? Play with any other kids? Unless they are SN, they should be able to give you some idea of what they did between school and home.

I would ask the kids too. She's not driving in circles for 2 hours after school. She's doing something and your kids are with her.

How reliable are your kids as narrators? I would have asked your kids what they did after school when the AP wasn't around. My hunch is she was doing something with another AP, having fun, and didn't want to bring the kids back because she was. You don't ask them what Larla was doing; you do ask them "What did you do after school? Did you go to a playground? Play with any other kids? Unless they are SN, they should be able to give you some idea of what they did between school and home.

17:32 poster here. Meant to add that you should put Life 360 on her phone. I require except when on personal time without my car. Not only can you tell location but speed, history of day, etc.

My APs haven’t cared.

Where is she from ? The getting in a car with stranger is not a red flag at all depending in where she is from

Not getting home fro 2 hours without an explanation isn't something I understand - I don't get how you don't have an answer?

Tell her if she's not where you've agreed she will be with the kids within 15 minutes of the time it's been agreed she will be there, she is to call or text you guys.

what did she say re not picking up the phone? Maybe it was switched off to silent mode and she did not know how to switch back on? Tell her to always pick up or you wuld have to call the police as you are very worried that something happened if not pick up. I am surprised you did not!

Anonymous wrote:12 year host family here. No rematches.

Give it more time. Spoon feed everything. No assumptions. I know it is tiring.

I don’t see real red flags yet. Some yellow yes.

Good luck.

Not OP here and you gave good advice. But no excuses for not answering the phone when parents are calling. Can always quickly text "will call you shortly"

12 year host family here. No rematches.

Give it more time. Spoon feed everything. No assumptions. I know it is tiring.

I don’t see real red flags yet. Some yellow yes.

Good luck.

We are a new host family, and struggling with the lack of what we think of as common sense with our au pair

She is obviously excited to be in the US, and often asks us questions about the cultural norms here. She’s asked us a few times questions that came off as shockingly naive, but we brushed them off as something being lost in translation and her being inexperienced (she is 23yo btw). One of these questions was about whether she should get in a car with a stranger who offered to give her a ride to the train stop… We of course advised her not to do that, but many of her questions were in similar vain and we started getting concerned about her lack of judgment when she is out with our kids

one time, she was supposed to pick the kids up from school and bring them home straightaway. Both parents work but we have a camera in our living area that we check now and then. After noticing the kids were not home well after when they should be back, we started texting and calling her. She did not pick up for 2 hours, which made us panicking and calling the school, upon which we were told that the kids were picked up on time. We thought about calling the police, when we finally got connected to her, and she said she’s still near the school. At home, I asked her what happened. No clear answer was given, other than the fact that she was overwhelmed being outside with two kids and a play by play of how they were giving her a hard time.

I understand that you can sometimes get overwhelmed dealing with young kids, but what I don’t understand is not giving us a heads up about significantly being delayed or at least picking the phone up. She is relatively new with us and we can certainly be patient with her (which we have been, adjusting schedules so that she is barely working 30/hours a week when both parents are working close to 60 hours plus time spent training her and essentially treating her like a third child), but I just worry that if we can’t have confidence in just base sensibility and good judgment, how do we even entrust her with our most precious human beings? I know this is an issue with entrusting your kids with anyone not just an au pair, but we are feeling it more deeply since we are essentially locked into a one year commitment and the person is living your quarter as a pseudo family… We briefly entertained the idea of rematch - we know it’s early but is it better to cut your loss early in these situations?