The second interview should flow - just a conversation where you get into the lifestyle stuff to see if you all can live with each other for a year or more. Start up a conversation about food, what you like to eat, what they like to eat, habits around cooking and mealtimes, family celebrations, and from there it might flow into how you like to spend your weekends or travel or what you do for entertainment, both as an adult, but also as a family, where they are contributing their examples and perspectives as well. Third and fourth interviews should just be continuations of the same conversation.

I also try to work in questions around problem-solving, initiative, and reactions to stress (both acute and long-term). The PP who mentioned scenarios was on point as well.

In many ways I used the first interview to sell us as a family ..and the second to talk us "down". Meaning: we go to bed early so wouldn't be a good fit for a night owl. We only needed part-time care so only paid the stipend and not more. We don't always eat dinner together because of sports/work hours. All things that were in our profile but things I wanted to discuss before we got too far down the road. Then I asked for reactions to those things. It had the added benefit of really asking them to consider what they were looking for in a family. We weeded out a candidate who told us she really hoped to go to music performances late every night, and another who had several siblings and wanted a familiy dinner every night.

Just remember - they are in sales mode - they have been coached to give you the answers they think you want to hear. I have always just tried to have a more real conversation vs. an interview.

1. What does she think about other au pairs having bigger rooms, fancier cars, older kids, less hours, etc?

2. Give her scenarios that rubbed you the wrong way from a prior AP, and ask her what she would do in that situation?

3. What is the most useful tip/advice she has heard from social media/other APs? What is the worst advice she's heard from AP/social media?

1. I would ask what her schedule expectations especially if you have weekend/evening needs.
2. What does she like to eat (We had an Au pair who was not vegan but always wanted vegan/organic stuff)
3. How does she plan to spend her free time
4. Ask what she plans to do after first year. Our Au pair told us she planned to do a second year but after she got here she let it slip that she wanted to get married for the papers. She got herself a boyfriend pretty quickly, and 3 months in (2 months with the boyfriend) it became pretty clear making brownies points with the boyfriend and his family was priority, she would bring his laundry and wash it at our house. She would cook food from her native country and bring to his house. She would get veggies from our garden and give boyfriend’s mom. She would ask to leave early so she can she help his parents with some chores.
5. Ask what time they think is reasonable time to get home on a week day. With our first Au pair we had no curfew but with the second we had start a curfew because she came home at 7:30 am a few times for an 8am shift.
6. Take your time interviewing, talk to their immediate family and get the take the Au pair is like at home.
Good luck

Anonymous wrote:I would ask about what emotional support they have from their family, how they expect to make friends, etc. It can be emotionally draining when your Au pair expects you and your spouse to fulfill all of her emotional needs.

I would also ask about what she expects to do after Au pairing. She may not know, and that okay. But I know a lot of families prefer to have an AP who has some direction (going to grad school back home, returning to her family, etc). My experience may be unique so take it with a grain of salt, but my last AP announced 6 months in that she wanted us to sponsor her for US college and live with us for 4 years following the end of the program. I was not game (I was already counting down when she’d leave!) and it created a lot of resentment for her. She basically said I was ruining her chance at a good life. It wasn’t what I thought I was signing up for. Ugh.

it must be a tough 6 months after you refused her! I had an AP who was attached to me so much that she started to cry 2 months before her year was over because she didn't want to leave. She was jealous of my new AP and criticized me for not checking on her wellness after she left my house......

after that, independence is the most important thing I look for. Can't take a mental burden anymore.

Based on my experience - questions I wished I asked:
-what is your approach with children and discipline? If you're all about gentle parenting and the AP is super strict/traditional, or vice versa, better to figure that out now.
-can she REALLY drive? Having a license is not enough. Ask probing questions about driving experience and ask her to send a video of her driving.

I would check out old posts from aupairmom.com - I always found them helpful. BUT I would remember they have been prepped by the agencies/read on the internet what they think host parents want to hear, so maybe just try to connect and get to know them a bit rather than think their answers are all that meaningful.

https://aupairmom.com/?s=interview+questions

I would ask about what emotional support they have from their family, how they expect to make friends, etc. It can be emotionally draining when your Au pair expects you and your spouse to fulfill all of her emotional needs.

I would also ask about what she expects to do after Au pairing. She may not know, and that okay. But I know a lot of families prefer to have an AP who has some direction (going to grad school back home, returning to her family, etc). My experience may be unique so take it with a grain of salt, but my last AP announced 6 months in that she wanted us to sponsor her for US college and live with us for 4 years following the end of the program. I was not game (I was already counting down when she’d leave!) and it created a lot of resentment for her. She basically said I was ruining her chance at a good life. It wasn’t what I thought I was signing up for. Ugh.

1st round we covered the basics of why do they want to do this, childcare experience, can they drive, etc... Now I feel like second round should be more lifestyle oriented? Do you wake up late/early? Go out a lot? Extroverted/introverted? Stuff like that? Any ideas or a good short list of questions solicited. I feel a bit lost!