Anonymous wrote:Op here. Our kids obey us but it’s normal for us to have to remind them to do their kitchen chores, especially our son. Are they the most behaved…no. Overall do well. Make their own lunches, breakfast, homework except the 6 yo. She needs more help due to age. It feels like her expectations are that of dealing with adults. I don’t like coming home from work and feel like she’s tattling to me that a child didn’t put their dish away. I feel like an au pair should be able to handle this.

It sounds to me like she’s not comfortable being the disciplinarian, or she thinks that she’s not supposed to discipline. What comes across to you as tattling is letting you know that your children are not doing what they’re expected to do so that you can discipline. Have you tried having a sitdown conversation with her about when to remind the children, how to remind them, what needs to happen if they do not follow through? Have you had a conversation with her about her needing to make sure that a certain list of things are done by the children, or by her if she’s not going to have the children do them, by the end of her shift?

Op here. Our kids obey us but it’s normal for us to have to remind them to do their kitchen chores, especially our son. Are they the most behaved…no. Overall do well. Make their own lunches, breakfast, homework except the 6 yo. She needs more help due to age. It feels like her expectations are that of dealing with adults. I don’t like coming home from work and feel like she’s tattling to me that a child didn’t put their dish away. I feel like an au pair should be able to handle this.

19-year-old German au pair was awful. Entitled, bossy, zero rules apples to her- our only AP who didn’t last a year.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't have to do with age. It's mostly personality and cultural background too. Also, fluency in English. I've heard that German APs tend to be pretty good at being "authoritative."

Most definitely in those nighttime sessions with DH.

That’s the Brazilians

Our 18 year old German au pair was the worst one we ever had and we have hosted for 10 years. I am sticking with Latin American au pairs.

Anonymous wrote:we four children ages 6-11 and are on our third au pair. We've always had au pairs 23-26 in age. Our current au pair feels she has to ask our son specifically several times to put dishes away; that the kids don't ask to go outside. Her demeanor is quiet/meek. Looking for next au pair and wondering if 18-19 yo au pairs would be strong/authoritative enough to manage the kids. They are great kids but like all kids sometimes need to be reminded to do homework/chores and i am concerned they will "eat her alive" if she doesn't show authority. What's been your experience with some of the younger au pairs?

Do your children obey you and your spouse?

I agree it's more about personality. We have the opposite problem, our AP (age 23) is way too authoritative. Not only is it not the approach we want in our family, it totally backfires with my kids. I don't think our AP would have been any different had she started with us when she was 19. It's just how she is, and how she was raised (according to her). Point is, look more for personality type and ask about their approach to discipline, then consider age to narrow things down if you feel like that helps you decide.

Screening for an oldest sibling has worked for us

It's not age related. Our 18 year old Australian aupair was the best at managing the younger kids. Our younger south african au pair was able to be authoritative but she was full of drama.

Interview for the disciplinarian with common sense. It's hard ti find at any age.

We had the worst experience with a German au pair (age 18).

Anonymous wrote:Good point about culture and authority. Maybe we’ll look into a German au pair. We’ve had Thai and Brazilian previously. It was my understanding that the Germans were the most sought after due to driving and English skills. Does this seem to be the case?

Our friends have a German 19yo who has zero personality. She’s not great with their kids and she never leaves their house. It would be a long year!

Good point about culture and authority. Maybe we’ll look into a German au pair. We’ve had Thai and Brazilian previously. It was my understanding that the Germans were the most sought after due to driving and English skills. Does this seem to be the case?

Anonymous wrote:It doesn't have to do with age. It's mostly personality and cultural background too. Also, fluency in English. I've heard that German APs tend to be pretty good at being "authoritative."

Most definitely in those nighttime sessions with DH.

It doesn't have to do with age. It's mostly personality and cultural background too. Also, fluency in English. I've heard that German APs tend to be pretty good at being "authoritative."

we four children ages 6-11 and are on our third au pair. We've always had au pairs 23-26 in age. Our current au pair feels she has to ask our son specifically several times to put dishes away; that the kids don't ask to go outside. Her demeanor is quiet/meek. Looking for next au pair and wondering if 18-19 yo au pairs would be strong/authoritative enough to manage the kids. They are great kids but like all kids sometimes need to be reminded to do homework/chores and i am concerned they will "eat her alive" if she doesn't show authority. What's been your experience with some of the younger au pairs?