Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boston mom frantically looking up what to do when your au pair keeps asking for more. She’s excellent but the level of entitlement is exhausting. And is making some weeks double the stipend of other state au pairs. Working 30 hours this week and will make 400. She Just asked me for food stipend to be payed to her directly (mass deducts a puny 42 a week for food) rather than eat our food. But so awkward- do I stop including her In Family meals, takeout, green chef. Also Brazilian au pair, smh.

Say no, I don't think she is allowed to "cash out" her room and board. if the program allows it, tell her that she can get the housing portion too but she needs to live out.

And you have to make it clear to her that she is already getting paid significantly more that APs in other states because she is in MA. If she keeps giving you requests like this, she will end up with rematching. What is the chance she can find another MA family?

She can’t cash out, but you need to document the $42/week if you’re deducting it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Boston mom frantically looking up what to do when your au pair keeps asking for more. She’s excellent but the level of entitlement is exhausting. And is making some weeks double the stipend of other state au pairs. Working 30 hours this week and will make 400. She Just asked me for food stipend to be payed to her directly (mass deducts a puny 42 a week for food) rather than eat our food. But so awkward- do I stop including her In Family meals, takeout, green chef. Also Brazilian au pair, smh.

Say no, I don't think she is allowed to "cash out" her room and board. if the program allows it, tell her that she can get the housing portion too but she needs to live out.

And you have to make it clear to her that she is already getting paid significantly more that APs in other states because she is in MA. If she keeps giving you requests like this, she will end up with rematching. What is the chance she can find another MA family?

And yes, the entitlement is ridiculous. She won't want to rematch and work in another state. you have the upper hand here.

Anonymous wrote:Boston mom frantically looking up what to do when your au pair keeps asking for more. She’s excellent but the level of entitlement is exhausting. And is making some weeks double the stipend of other state au pairs. Working 30 hours this week and will make 400. She Just asked me for food stipend to be payed to her directly (mass deducts a puny 42 a week for food) rather than eat our food. But so awkward- do I stop including her In Family meals, takeout, green chef. Also Brazilian au pair, smh.

you can't compare Boston aupair rules or costs with anywhere else in the US. MA has their own policies about stipend and costs.

Anonymous wrote:Boston mom frantically looking up what to do when your au pair keeps asking for more. She’s excellent but the level of entitlement is exhausting. And is making some weeks double the stipend of other state au pairs. Working 30 hours this week and will make 400. She Just asked me for food stipend to be payed to her directly (mass deducts a puny 42 a week for food) rather than eat our food. But so awkward- do I stop including her In Family meals, takeout, green chef. Also Brazilian au pair, smh.

Say no, I don't think she is allowed to "cash out" her room and board. if the program allows it, tell her that she can get the housing portion too but she needs to live out.

And you have to make it clear to her that she is already getting paid significantly more that APs in other states because she is in MA. If she keeps giving you requests like this, she will end up with rematching. What is the chance she can find another MA family?

Boston mom frantically looking up what to do when your au pair keeps asking for more. She’s excellent but the level of entitlement is exhausting. And is making some weeks double the stipend of other state au pairs. Working 30 hours this week and will make 400. She Just asked me for food stipend to be payed to her directly (mass deducts a puny 42 a week for food) rather than eat our food. But so awkward- do I stop including her In Family meals, takeout, green chef. Also Brazilian au pair, smh.

Your au pair deserves a lecture that comparing perks will only make her unhappy. How many kids do those other families have? How many hours? Does the host family cook/order takeout and include their au pair (some don't and give a grocery stipend)? Where do they live? Etc.

Just say no. She will receive raises, bonuses, gifts based on great performance. Not because she's pressuring you based on "all" of these other host families (which is obviously a gross exaggeration). You follow the agency rules of what you're required to do plus (insert any perks like access to a car) that are not actually required.

Do not think of extending unless this is a one-time ask. You'll open the floodgates to many more comparisons and pressure for the extension year. Then stay away from the countries where this kind of coaching tends to be rampant.

Stick with what mutually agreed before matching. Anything on top of that is performance based.

We have 2 school aged kids, AP works 35 hours/week. no split schedule.

We agreed prior to matching: $200/week stipend, gas included AP car with 15miles radius limitation and midnight curfew, streaming platforms, cellphone plan. AP add her stuff on my shopping list but I don't just give extra $.

Extras we did that she did not know (but maybe was expecting due to comparison with other APs) : gift cards and extra cash for good work/hard week. average $20-30/month. Uber credits for travel and late night parties about $30/month. $700 xmas bonus/gifts. $300 bday gift and $500 parting gift.

These replies are all helpful - thank you.

On groceries, we started with the approach of just add to our list what you want, then she heard from her friends that other families just give an extra stipend each week for them to buy whatever they want, then our agency rep basically reinforced that - and what I don't want is basically her spending an extra $75 each week on stuff that is just mostly double what we already have and then most of it gets wasted anyway.

Really interesting reading all the posts about the Brazilian entitlement attitude and always pushing for more

During the height of the pandemic we paid 300/week, then dialed it down to 200 when a new AP started and everything was opening up. After a few month I raise the stipend and end up paying 250 during the summer.

We don't do grocery allowance. AP would tell us what they want/like and we stock their favorite food.

When an AP first arrives, I give a prepaid metro card to tide her over until she gets her driver's license. We pay for driving school if she requests/needs it. AP has exclusive use of a car.

We provide cell phone and plan.

Our first AP was Brazilian. She worked the least amount but had the worst entitlement. After that we only had Asian APs and never had any problem.

250/week and she can buy whatever groceries she needs on our card. She has exclusive use of a car but she is responsible for keeping it filled with gas. She’s on our cell phone plan.

About $1050 for stipend, transportation allowance, cell phone. doesn't include covering transport to classes or expenses incurred while with ththe kids, or groceries.

We also do ad hoc things like birthday presents, warm weather clothing, etc but it’s not a regular occurrence.

Stipend (we offered $250/wk) - makes sense if there are multiple kids.
Weekly grocery allowance? I wouldn't do this unless you are not buying groceries for her, i.e. if she makes most of her meals separately.
SmartTrip value for bus/metro? a little bit is fine, but not overly necessary if you're already paying 25% more than the minimum stipend.
what does "Reimbursements for any expenses not for your kids?" mean? that sounds like it could cover almost anything
Cell phone plan? just add her to your plan instead of paying for her own separate plan.

Hah not from Brazil but bordering country...sounds like shared mentality

Nip the family comparisons in the bud. We’re not competing with other families. This has Brazilian au pair written all over it.

Stipend (we offered $250/wk)
Weekly grocery allowance?
SmartTrip value for bus/metro?
Reimbursements for any expenses not for your kids?
Cell phone plan?


I feel we might be a bit overly generous and setting a tone that only lets her push for more with "I talked to this other au pair and she said that her family..."...I hate feeling like a push over and my spouse and I have had tension around how to handle this. Wanted to calibrate a bit with others.