Anonymous wrote:OP - what is your alternative for childcare - at 9 and 11 they wont be going to day care

I would probably try to stick it out for the next 8 weeks to give myself time to figure out how I was going to cover the times i need care for the two kids.

At 9 and 11, get an alexa and an iphone and let them stay alone.

OP - what is your alternative for childcare - at 9 and 11 they wont be going to day care

I would probably try to stick it out for the next 8 weeks to give myself time to figure out how I was going to cover the times i need care for the two kids.

I'm so glad my family didn't participate in the program. We'd actually matched, and our au pair had her visa rejected. We were super disappointed, but put our daughter in daycare and it turned out to be amazing. Then, about a month ago, one of the au pair's references wrote to retract her positive reference. Really dodged a bullet.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would leave the program. I was in a similar situation and left the program - best decision! It seems these days au pairs are so much more entitled, even the good ones get corrupted by their au pair friends and what they see au pairs posting on social media.

+1

Hard learned lesson by our family. Don’t get a Brazilian au pair.

+100 - won't make them happy, always comparing your family to others on social media and their goal is to get married.

+1000

The Brazilian and Colombian AP networks are so toxic. WE had a lovely Brazilian AP who was basically radicalized by the other APs and we are still very sad about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would leave the program. I was in a similar situation and left the program - best decision! It seems these days au pairs are so much more entitled, even the good ones get corrupted by their au pair friends and what they see au pairs posting on social media.

+1

Hard learned lesson by our family. Don’t get a Brazilian au pair.

+100 - won't make them happy, always comparing your family to others on social media and their goal is to get married.

Don't hire a Brazilian aupair again.

We left the program because the hassle is not worth the "convenience". Either way. she's going to quit and move in with her boyfriend soon anyway. Your family is the means ot and end and not her priority. btw, the sex scene would have been the final straw for me.

I think my approach would depend on what I thought the au pair’s end game was. If I thought her goal was getting married/status I would have a “come to Jesus” talk with her and express that I see what she is trying to and support it but need she has to be able to commit to xyz for the next two months because the arrangement has to remain mutually beneficial. If this is a just for fun boyfriend, I would call for rematch.

Anonymous wrote:I would leave the program. I was in a similar situation and left the program - best decision! It seems these days au pairs are so much more entitled, even the good ones get corrupted by their au pair friends and what they see au pairs posting on social media.

+1

Hard learned lesson by our family. Don’t get a Brazilian au pair.

I would leave the program. I was in a similar situation and left the program - best decision! It seems these days au pairs are so much more entitled, even the good ones get corrupted by their au pair friends and what they see au pairs posting on social media.

I would rematch. Apparently she does not care about you or the kids nor respect her position here as an employee or/and extended family member. You know that she is staying here with you because of the BF. You shouldn't be used for her convenience. Rematch and let her deal with her legal status and finding another local family. Time for her to get frustrated.

I am in the program for one year only. Even though my AP was okay, I am so done dealing with another immature young person in my house. I have no idea how other HF define "excellent" APs, after the year of experience, I cannot tolerate living with a non real family member whether good or bad (not extended family).This is just not for me.

I think you’ve gotten two lemons …. I’ve gone round and round on this too - I had a nanny - I miss my nanny - but they also work very fixed schedules and I really need the split schedule bc of our jobs …… my first Au pair was ok, our second we rematched after multiple car accidents, the third is solid. My friends have all had excellent Au pairs … only one lemon among them …. They do typically hire for good drivers

Anonymous wrote:Wow!! Personally I don’t think you should ask an au pair to work Thanksgiving or Christmas although I understand if you have to you need the childcare. How does she just refuse though? You’re in charge.

Both my spouse and I are health care professionals. Any one of the 365 days a year is fair game. We work holidays, we work weekends, we nights (though not typically). This is the primary reason we went the AP route. If you re-read my post you will see the part you missed where I mentioned that during the interview process we told her that we need weekends and holidays. We specifically mentioned Christmas and Thanksgiving. She didn’t care about either one of them. These 2 holidays we have found impossible to find childcare, so that is why we made sure to bring it up during the interview. Now she cares about them because she has a boyfriend who cares about them.

Also I would hardly classify it as working. My kids are very self sufficient. At 9 and 11, they do their own laundry, they clean their own rooms, they do the dishes, they have their own stem and art projects they are always working on, the 11 year old can cook simple and some more complex meals. We just need an adult human there for emergencies. Both APs have told us this is the easiest job they have had.

In response to the comment about being in charge: she is an adult I can’t make her do anything she doesn’t want to. Some things are insignificant and you let them go and others are a big deal so you come to a resolution.

Next time keep in mind that not everyone has the luxury of working 9-5, M-F.

Anonymous wrote:Wow!! Personally I don’t think you should ask an au pair to work Thanksgiving or Christmas although I understand if you have to you need the childcare. How does she just refuse though? You’re in charge.

Some people need to work on Thanksgiving or Christmas. Those people need childcare. This is totally reasonable and something that the host family should warn about during the interview. An au pair from another country shouldn't care about working on Thanksgiving at all.

Wow!! Personally I don’t think you should ask an au pair to work Thanksgiving or Christmas although I understand if you have to you need the childcare. How does she just refuse though? You’re in charge.

We are on our second AP. Our first AP left to move to a particular area she wanted to be in ( 3 months in) We had a great relationship with our first AP. She was interested in the cultural exchange experience. The kids loved learning from her. Our second AP was okay for the first 3 weeks, the met a guy (he now boyfriend). When we rematched her concerns with having free time to herself. Her previous HF had a tight schedule for her which included coming back for dinner 2 hours after her working hours are done, meaning if she was done a 5:30, she could do whatever she wanted but needed to be back for dinner. We did not have the problem but did tell her that we needed flexibility because we both have jobs require us to work holidays and weekends. She was okay with that until she started dating. She started asking if she could leave early to go to activities with her boyfriend. Started spending nights at her BF’s house, not just on her days off but also on nights before the days she has to work. One morning I had wait 5 minutes for her to get back in the morning before I could leave to go to work. I talked to her that don’t want to give her a curfew as I want to treat as adult (she is 25). She was apologetic and started coming back around midnight for about a week then was back being late again. I then talked to the LLC who offered to sit down with both of us. LLC recommended that AP needs to be back 7 -8 hours before shift. Things were good for about a week or so she started coming back 3-4 hours later that the time we all (AP, LLC) agreed upon. I never addressed this again, which my fault. I was just hoping to just finish the year with her and not renew. I was okay with finishing the year until the following things pushed me over the edge:

1. She refused to work a holiday, we asked her to choose Thanksgiving or Christmas and she refused saying the holiday are very important to her and she had agreed to spend them with BF family. She also refused to work one weekend because her BF had tickets and tried get herself out of an already committed weekend.

2. One afternoon she was watching a movie while one of my kids (9) was making animations on the iPad in the same room. I happened to sit down on the couch and the movie was playing a sex scene. I thought she would quick change/stop the movie but she continued watching. I had to asked her to stopped the movie. Her response was his busy animating.

3. She is constantly asking to leave early so she can go watch a sports game or do activity with her BF. She asks 2-3 times a week. I am not talking about 10-15 minutes. I am talking 2 hours early.

4. She complained to my older kid (11) that she only makes about $4/hr even though she only works 30 hrs /week and on top of that she is always asking to leave early.

5. She seems checked out. You can tell that the most important thing to her is her relationship. And I and don’t wish her ill. I know she wants to stay and I hope explores other paths to staying other than doing a second year because I don’t think she has the maturity to balance a serious relationship and having a job with a lot of flexibility. To make matter worse he BF 10-15 hours a week so he has a lot free time.

6. There are a lot of other nuisances, that I cants think of right now.

Long story short, we have 2 months left and I am thinking about either rematching with the intention to renew or just getting out of the program. We had a good experience with our first AP and it would nice to have another AP especially for the cultural exchange and flexibility but on the other hand I am just kind feeling done the whole thing. Feel free to give any input but mostly I am just trying to vent because this process has just drained my energy.