Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are paying $50/hr, hang on to any after school sitter for dear life.

OP - there are decent options in our neighborhood so I'm not worried about replacing her if we need to.

Oh if you can replace her get rid of her immediately. I would never have anyone in my home who tone-policed me unless I was desperate, even if she was justified. And that person would be on her ass as soon as I got my ducks in a row. I don’t have time for insubordination.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are paying $50/hr, hang on to any after school sitter for dear life.

OP - there are decent options in our neighborhood so I'm not worried about replacing her if we need to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on what you’ve written here, I’d let her go. Assuming you’re paying her well, her being on the phone instead of engaging the kids or completing her work is unacceptable. Some people are oblivious to the signals that you don’t want to chat with her. If so, there’s nothing wrong with telling her (gently) that you don’t want to engage with her on social stuff. You hired a babysitter, not someone to be your friend.

If letting her go isn’t feasible (no backup, no other Nannie’s interested in the job), then I’d change your behavior. Why are you around when she is? Can you chill in your room / try to separate yourself from her while she’s there?

All of this is on the assumption that you simply told her that you don’t want to chat about social things and she needs to focus on the kids. There’s nothing wrong with that. But you should examine your behavior. Were you rude to her? Was her email /text calling you out fair? If so maybe you do owe her an apology. Otherwise she sounds like a loser who doesn’t understand appropriate boundaries between employer and employee and doesn’t understand the job requires her to be off her phone.

OP - LOL chill in my room!!! When I get home I'm making dinner in the kitchen, and often with one airpod listening to a work call or something I need to finish up. She's supposed to be with the kids in another room but she gravitates to the kitchen. I feel like there are too issues, one that she is too chatty, the second that she's not getting the job done. I told her firmly to engage with the kids and let me focus on what I'm trying to finish. Often one of us has to get and get my oldest son from tennis or something so there's plenty of work for both of us. We had a long term nanny for years and her energy was always directed to the kids, I feel like I'm on a cruise ship when I get home every day with all the HELLOs

I thought SHE was getting dinner started? You’re also flitting around with “one airpod” so at least you do get the idea of multi-tasking when you’re the one doing it. If this woman is “a sitter” vs a professional nanny, perhaps your expectations have been less than clear and your standards based on your experience with your previous nanny are off — and need to be clearly communicated. The best time to do this would be when neither of you is focused on taking care of the kids.

The kids like her, she starts your dinner, and she’s thoughtfully asking you about your day. At least pause for a moment and realize that many people would appreciate quite a lot of this. I think you should apologize. I think you should also be clear about what you would like from her — and also be sensitive to the possibility that you are asking her to do something that might feel rude to her — by ignoring you, not asking about your day, and not trying to engage with you when you get home from work.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on what you’ve written here, I’d let her go. Assuming you’re paying her well, her being on the phone instead of engaging the kids or completing her work is unacceptable. Some people are oblivious to the signals that you don’t want to chat with her. If so, there’s nothing wrong with telling her (gently) that you don’t want to engage with her on social stuff. You hired a babysitter, not someone to be your friend.

If letting her go isn’t feasible (no backup, no other Nannie’s interested in the job), then I’d change your behavior. Why are you around when she is? Can you chill in your room / try to separate yourself from her while she’s there?

All of this is on the assumption that you simply told her that you don’t want to chat about social things and she needs to focus on the kids. There’s nothing wrong with that. But you should examine your behavior. Were you rude to her? Was her email /text calling you out fair? If so maybe you do owe her an apology. Otherwise she sounds like a loser who doesn’t understand appropriate boundaries between employer and employee and doesn’t understand the job requires her to be off her phone.

OP - LOL chill in my room!!! When I get home I'm making dinner in the kitchen, and often with one airpod listening to a work call or something I need to finish up. She's supposed to be with the kids in another room but she gravitates to the kitchen. I feel like there are too issues, one that she is too chatty, the second that she's not getting the job done. I told her firmly to engage with the kids and let me focus on what I'm trying to finish. Often one of us has to get and get my oldest son from tennis or something so there's plenty of work for both of us. We had a long term nanny for years and her energy was always directed to the kids, I feel like I'm on a cruise ship when I get home every day with all the HELLOs

Anonymous wrote:Unless you are paying $50/hr, hang on to any after school sitter for dear life.

Anonymous wrote:Based on what you’ve written here, I’d let her go. Assuming you’re paying her well, her being on the phone instead of engaging the kids or completing her work is unacceptable. Some people are oblivious to the signals that you don’t want to chat with her. If so, there’s nothing wrong with telling her (gently) that you don’t want to engage with her on social stuff. You hired a babysitter, not someone to be your friend.

If letting her go isn’t feasible (no backup, no other Nannie’s interested in the job), then I’d change your behavior. Why are you around when she is? Can you chill in your room / try to separate yourself from her while she’s there?

All of this is on the assumption that you simply told her that you don’t want to chat about social things and she needs to focus on the kids. There’s nothing wrong with that. But you should examine your behavior. Were you rude to her? Was her email /text calling you out fair? If so maybe you do owe her an apology. Otherwise she sounds like a loser who doesn’t understand appropriate boundaries between employer and employee and doesn’t understand the job requires her to be off her phone.