Anonymous wrote:I struggle with this. Our nanny is amazing, and I trust her, and I want her to have authority, and flexibility, to do her job. She also has a ton of experience.

On the other hand, we are the parents, and there are things that are important to us. I think it's a tough balance. I think we've got a good balance, but I'm open to people's suggestions.

Here's what we've told our nanny:

No food in bedrooms, for her or the children (that's a house rule, we don't eat in the bedrooms either).
Please don't carry children on the hardwood stairs with socks on. They're slippery. Barefoot, shoes, or slippers are fine, and we gave her some socks with grippers if she wants to wear those.
When she's started with each of our babies they were already fully sleep trained and on a schedule. So we told her eating times and sleeping times. When she started giving an extra snack, we added that into our weekend days to adjust to her schedule.
We told her the nap time routine. Change diaper > put in sleep sack > read two books > turn on noise machine > sing song > put in crib.
We provide a bunch of food, and she can serve the kids whatever makes sense. We just ask that she gives them a fruit and a veggie with lunch and snack.
No screens for the kids.

We also do a lot more, so that we get to be in control - for example, we pre-prepared bottles for her, so she just needed to pull one out and stick it in the warmer, which meant we controlled the # of ounces, and the ratio of formula to pumped milk (as I weaned). We tend to start things on Saturdays (dropping bottles, introducing the potty, schedule changes, etc).

We also take a very collaborative approach. We ask her questions, we take her feedback into account. If she says baby isn't finishing her bottle, we reduce ounces. If she says baby isn't going to sleep, we push back nap time. But decisions like that are made together, and we have the final say. We also made sure that baby #2's schedule worked with what she was already doing with our oldest (ie, we got her used to taking her first nap in the stroller so the nanny could still go to the library or the park with our older child if she wanted to).

There's a lot of stuff we don't care about - if she stays home, goes to the park, goes to the library, whatever. As long as she's keeping the kids safe, if she's on her phone at the park, fine. During nap time, she can do whatever she wants - TV, phone, nap, make calls, whatever. We buy whatever toys she says the kids would like, and whatever she needs for the kids. Activities when the kids are awake, whatever she wants, I trust her. Honestly, the schedule and naps are the big things we care about.

I hate micromanagers... but you guys rock.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Self-explanatory. Parents, how do you give direction to your nanny without being overbearing? Nannies, what level of input or direction feels appropriate to you?

That you need to ask this question is not good.

..


That you don't have any helpful advice yet jump right on to post something negative is not good.

I can understand 21 depending on the circumstances. Everything else, how do they even have the energy??! Would be easier to just take care of her themselves.

Omg that list is insane!

* Sorry, I meant to say PP!

^^ Oh my gosh OP…

You are a saint for even making it to the THIRD wk!!!!

I would have been driven mad!!

Sounds like the family from hell.

Reading the Pp. Are you OP? I am a nanny and I think those schedules, food habits etc.. are normal to me. Since I will respect and collaborate with parents with those things that it's important to them and mainly for the kid's well-being.

I could say that when someone that in the past I quit a Nanny position; whe parents were the most terrible employers; the worst position ever. Micromanaging me all the time and every minute on my back.

Some examples:

1. Did you wipe her pretty well when you change her diaper?
2. Did you make sure she read at least 8 books a day?
3. It's been an hour when you left; where are you guys?
5. How many times she was on tummy time today?
6. Usually how many times do you wash your hands on the day?
7. We say to her "good night Katie" Instead "sweet dreams cute little katie"
8. Did she play a lot at the playground with her friends? Was she engage. and active enough with you today?

5. Can you put her down more time on the baby matt instead of reading. 15 minutes in a row, the pediatrician say, she needs to engage more in the mat

16. Can you see me a pic to make sure is she and how is she napping in the stroller?

18. Can you make sure to wipe the fridge handle with clorox wipes; to make sure it's not dirty, everytime you open it and close it?

19. Can you try to sing to her more; an with a higher voice so she can really hear more, engage better with the song; so she can laugh more?

20. Just make sure to be talking to the baby more; everytime when you can and are with her?

21. Besides how many poops she had today; were those small or bigger? What color?

22. She likes her sandwich cut in triangles than cut in squares; so she can eat it better

23. How many words she learn these week?

24. If would be nice if you teach the color, shapes, etc; with the food; while you are cutting a veggie, or pointing out what color is the banana?

25. Could you just leave the monitor ON all day; there is not need turn it off when Katie is awake. So we like to hear her from her, all day when she is in her room with you or basement playing

26. When days are awful; lots of rain, snow, 100 degrees summer days, horrible winds, etc. They commented: "awww too bad, poor Katie, she is going to be here stuck in the house without any fun thing to do outside, poor little thing, but you guys could go out at least a little bit"

27. Ohhh those socks doesn't match with her dress all today

28. Could you make sure she eat only with the fork and no with the spoon; as those are green beans

29. Can you lay down with her more on tummy time; we do that with her, so she will cry, If you don't do it

30. When you hit up the breast milk bottle; could you make sure not shaking it even a bit; be very careful bcs it's not good enough if you shake it; I noticed the other day you did it this way

31. I noticed the other day; you have been changing her clothes in the morning; did she get dirty so early or did you just wanted to change her outfit

33. In a winter day: "Just make sure she is warm enough, winter jacket, winter hat, cozy boots, so she doesn't get sick". Which it's Common sense for every single nanny to know this

35. When there is only 1 banana left in their kitchen. And baby/toddler had it for snack or lunch. "Did Katie eat the whole the banana today"?

36. Just make sure to refill diapers, creams etc in the diaper bag.

37. When baby start napping more than an hour and you are taking your
time for relaxing or lunch and are scrolling your phone. So, ohhh I'm surprised Katie is sleeping more than usual...

38. Ohh she still have food around her mouth; can you make sure wipe her well everytime after she eats?

39. Is she ok? We heard she is crying so much today (crying maybe 5
3 min, when she is super tired trying to nap)

This list goes and goes. THE WORST PARENTS EVER. I QUIT in the third week.

I'm the poster above, and in re-reading what I wrote, I'm worried I am a micro manager

I want my amazing nanny to feel the trust we have in her, and to have some autonomy in her job. How can I do that while still keeping the kids on a consistent schedule (which I think is important)? Would love some advice, particularly from nannies.

I struggle with this. Our nanny is amazing, and I trust her, and I want her to have authority, and flexibility, to do her job. She also has a ton of experience.

On the other hand, we are the parents, and there are things that are important to us. I think it's a tough balance. I think we've got a good balance, but I'm open to people's suggestions.

Here's what we've told our nanny:

No food in bedrooms, for her or the children (that's a house rule, we don't eat in the bedrooms either).
Please don't carry children on the hardwood stairs with socks on. They're slippery. Barefoot, shoes, or slippers are fine, and we gave her some socks with grippers if she wants to wear those.
When she's started with each of our babies they were already fully sleep trained and on a schedule. So we told her eating times and sleeping times. When she started giving an extra snack, we added that into our weekend days to adjust to her schedule.
We told her the nap time routine. Change diaper > put in sleep sack > read two books > turn on noise machine > sing song > put in crib.
We provide a bunch of food, and she can serve the kids whatever makes sense. We just ask that she gives them a fruit and a veggie with lunch and snack.
No screens for the kids.

We also do a lot more, so that we get to be in control - for example, we pre-prepared bottles for her, so she just needed to pull one out and stick it in the warmer, which meant we controlled the # of ounces, and the ratio of formula to pumped milk (as I weaned). We tend to start things on Saturdays (dropping bottles, introducing the potty, schedule changes, etc).

We also take a very collaborative approach. We ask her questions, we take her feedback into account. If she says baby isn't finishing her bottle, we reduce ounces. If she says baby isn't going to sleep, we push back nap time. But decisions like that are made together, and we have the final say. We also made sure that baby #2's schedule worked with what she was already doing with our oldest (ie, we got her used to taking her first nap in the stroller so the nanny could still go to the library or the park with our older child if she wanted to).

There's a lot of stuff we don't care about - if she stays home, goes to the park, goes to the library, whatever. As long as she's keeping the kids safe, if she's on her phone at the park, fine. During nap time, she can do whatever she wants - TV, phone, nap, make calls, whatever. We buy whatever toys she says the kids would like, and whatever she needs for the kids. Activities when the kids are awake, whatever she wants, I trust her. Honestly, the schedule and naps are the big things we care about.

We employ a nanny. This is the same person we've employed for eight years. So we "manage" a lot less now than we did at the beginning. We've always said though, that we err on the side of giving too much info, rather than not giving enough.

Share the major household rules like no shoes, if you all are vegetarian, keep doors locked, etc.

Share your general parenting philosophies like purees vs BLW, sleep training methods, discipline.

Share child's general eating and sleep schedule.

OK a list of outings that nanny can just go and doesn't have to ask. Some families say ask us if its further than 10 miles others say you can go to local playgrounds, libraries, classes, playdates and ask us about anything out of the ordinary.

Within those guidelines, your nanny should be given the autonomy to do her job. She will add to your child's life in ways that you never anticipated. Our nanny is a different ethnicity than us and my kids LOVE her healthy, flavorful dishes. She has taught them routines like a little song to stop when you get near the street and how to look both ways, a hand washing song, teeth brushing song, clean up song, a routine for putting on shoes and coat or taking them off and putting them away. Truly, if I was micromanaging I likely would have said "hang up their coats and put their shoes in the shoe bin", but how she has encouraged them to do it themselves, including my 19 month old who hangs her coat on a doorknob she can reach, is just way above what my expectations would have even been. They happily run on autopilot most of the time and we don't even have to ask, it's just routine now.

I learn way more from my nanny than I have had to show her. If we approach something differently, my kids adapt to whoever they are with. If it's something bigger, we discuss and collaborate.

First of all, it varies from nanny to nanny. I have been doing this for 15 years, so if someone has very specific instructions about most aspects of childcare, I am going to find that off-putting. I am a professional. I don’t need you to explain to me in detail how to change a diaper. This may be new information to you, but it’s not to me. But when I was starting out, having instructions about how to do tasks that might be new made sense.

It also depends on the structure of the job. If I am here for 8 hours then what I do is going to bleed over into the rest of the day, so telling me that the kids need more protein for afternoon snack is useful—I’m not here to see how hangry they get before dinner. If I am here most of the day, then that level of detail feels micromanage-y.

So think about what your nanny might need help knowing.

And overall, try asking “I’ve noticed XYZ. Can you tell me more about that choice?” Instead of jumping in to express what you think should be happening.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Self-explanatory. Parents, how do you give direction to your nanny without being overbearing? Nannies, what level of input or direction feels appropriate to you?

That you need to ask this question is not good.

Actually, I’m just curious. I’ve never hired a nanny before but am starting the search. None of my friends employ nannies, so I can’t ask them for input.

Anonymous wrote:Self-explanatory. Parents, how do you give direction to your nanny without being overbearing? Nannies, what level of input or direction feels appropriate to you?

That you need to ask this question is not good.

Self-explanatory. Parents, how do you give direction to your nanny without being overbearing? Nannies, what level of input or direction feels appropriate to you?