Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 and 10 years old can make their own bed and laundry doesn’t need to be done daily. The “really fun barbecue” was still work for her which she should’ve been paid double for. It doesn’t sound like a good match for her or you and I’m leaning more towards siding with Aupair

Prospective host dad here, getting very frustrated with the pool of applicants. That said, I agree--your kids need to learn to clean up after themselves. We would ask our au pair to supervise our kids cleaning up after themselves, but that the au pair shouldn't be doing this herself. The point is for our kids to learn to be responsible.

Just wait until you actually host for the first time....

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 and 10 years old can make their own bed and laundry doesn’t need to be done daily. The “really fun barbecue” was still work for her which she should’ve been paid double for. It doesn’t sound like a good match for her or you and I’m leaning more towards siding with Aupair

Why would anyone pay double?

Because it’s a federal holiday which she worked

Doesn't matter. HFs are not obligated to pay double on a federal holiday.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 and 10 years old can make their own bed and laundry doesn’t need to be done daily. The “really fun barbecue” was still work for her which she should’ve been paid double for. It doesn’t sound like a good match for her or you and I’m leaning more towards siding with Aupair

Why would anyone pay double?

Because it’s a federal holiday which she worked

Anonymous wrote:8 and 10 years old can make their own bed and laundry doesn’t need to be done daily. The “really fun barbecue” was still work for her which she should’ve been paid double for. It doesn’t sound like a good match for her or you and I’m leaning more towards siding with Aupair

Why would anyone pay double?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:8 and 10 years old can make their own bed and laundry doesn’t need to be done daily. The “really fun barbecue” was still work for her which she should’ve been paid double for. It doesn’t sound like a good match for her or you and I’m leaning more towards siding with Aupair

Prospective host dad here, getting very frustrated with the pool of applicants. That said, I agree--your kids need to learn to clean up after themselves. We would ask our au pair to supervise our kids cleaning up after themselves, but that the au pair shouldn't be doing this herself. The point is for our kids to learn to be responsible.

Doesn't matter, that's the job that OP has assigned and presumably this was agreed to before the match. If AP doesn't like it, she can go. Does laundry daily seem like a lot of water usage? Sure, but AP doesn't get to decide that, OP does and that's what she wants out of an au pair. The AP sounds like she is from a well off family and now is getting a harsh dose of American life.

Anonymous wrote:8 and 10 years old can make their own bed and laundry doesn’t need to be done daily. The “really fun barbecue” was still work for her which she should’ve been paid double for. It doesn’t sound like a good match for her or you and I’m leaning more towards siding with Aupair

Prospective host dad here, getting very frustrated with the pool of applicants. That said, I agree--your kids need to learn to clean up after themselves. We would ask our au pair to supervise our kids cleaning up after themselves, but that the au pair shouldn't be doing this herself. The point is for our kids to learn to be responsible.

8 and 10 years old can make their own bed and laundry doesn’t need to be done daily. The “really fun barbecue” was still work for her which she should’ve been paid double for. It doesn’t sound like a good match for her or you and I’m leaning more towards siding with Aupair

Time to rematch. She is acting entitled, the other au pairs prey on newer au pairs who are unhappy. She wanted to be someone's young adult daughter, not an au pair. Good luck rematching.

Anonymous wrote:I had an aupair whose English skills were extremely limited and she felt like an outsider and depressed because she didn’t feel like part of our family. We couldn’t really bond (we tried) because of the language barrier.
If you are treating her “like family” and giving her ways to bond, then you are not treating her like a housekeeper or overworking her.
And she needs to be on time. That’s crazy. The commute is probably like 14 steps.

Thanks. She always has one airpod in her ear so she doesn’t engage with us that much.
Sometimes she’s happy and more light hearted so I can’t tell what the issue really is, or if it’s anything we can fix.
Her English is good but she’s moody and that energy is tough as she’s also unreliable and inconsistent in her work
Sometimes she remembers to write on the grocery list that we need milk, sometimes she doesn’t. It’s annoying

Anonymous wrote:Rematch.
She’s probably on social media and comparing her setup with others. She will never be happy once she has gone down this rabbit hole.
The aupair agency’s website lists laundry and straightening the children’s rooms as tasks that an aupair does. Sounds like she is regretting becoming an aupair and leaving her boyfriend.
Find an aupair willing to do the job and happy to be here. Having older kids is not always a benefit to an aupair. Find one who is independent and okay with reading, hiking, whatever to keep themselves busy midday.
A bored aupair is a depressed aupair. We had two who could not handle the downtime from 9am-3pm and the rest loved the schedule.

When she told me today that she’s always ‘exhausted’ I was stunned. She works and does so little because we often do family stuff in the evenings so she doesn’t even work the full schedule most weeks.
This is good perspective regarding the age of the kids. What do you think are the characteristics of the APs you’ve had that like the schedule? It’s essentially the same during the school year

I had an aupair whose English skills were extremely limited and she felt like an outsider and depressed because she didn’t feel like part of our family. We couldn’t really bond (we tried) because of the language barrier.
If you are treating her “like family” and giving her ways to bond, then you are not treating her like a housekeeper or overworking her.
And she needs to be on time. That’s crazy. The commute is probably like 14 steps.

Rematch.
She’s probably on social media and comparing her setup with others. She will never be happy once she has gone down this rabbit hole.
The aupair agency’s website lists laundry and straightening the children’s rooms as tasks that an aupair does. Sounds like she is regretting becoming an aupair and leaving her boyfriend.
Find an aupair willing to do the job and happy to be here. Having older kids is not always a benefit to an aupair. Find one who is independent and okay with reading, hiking, whatever to keep themselves busy midday.
A bored aupair is a depressed aupair. We had two who could not handle the downtime from 9am-3pm and the rest loved the schedule.

Anonymous wrote:Rematch. I'm sorry to say it but this is not going to get better. Doing the kids laundry is absolutely part of the job. She may be depressed, but your kids should not pay for her issues.

Thanks that’s my inclination too
She said she talked to other APs and they don’t have to do laundry.
She also asked for double pay for working on July 4 as it was a holiday. We went to a really fun bbq and fireworks and the kids were with me most of the time
I think she’s just a negative person and she’s not hearing the right perspective

Rematch. I'm sorry to say it but this is not going to get better. Doing the kids laundry is absolutely part of the job. She may be depressed, but your kids should not pay for her issues.

We have a 23yo AP who started in May. Her boyfriend broke up with her when she left home so she was crying and depressed for the first few weeks. We’ve been traveling for summer and taking her to fun places and activities. She’s very low energy generally but mostly she’s also sad. I spoke to her about it and she said it’s because of the job. Our kids are 8 and 10yo, she works 7-10am and then 4-8pm and one full day on the weekends. We asked her to make the kids beds and do their laundry each day but she said she shouldn’t have to do this stuff. The kids are at camp from 8-4pm each day so it’s only for two hours each morning.
Our kids do like her but it feels like she’s fragile and immature. Some mornings she’s late or totally out of it and she always says she’s ‘exhausted’.
What should we do? I sat down with her this morning and she started to cry saying that we’re treating her like a housekeeper. We actually have a housekeeper four days a week!!