Anonymous wrote:I've just signed up for a family with 3 kids. Mom told me they have ADHD. I've worked before with kids that have ADHD and have coped just fine as I really enjoy working with kids. These kids are 9, 7 and 5 and just don't listen to anything I tell them. They don't want to engage in any way either, whether it is art and craft, sports, going out, stories... They are badly behaved and rude, sometimes even when parents are around. Parents don't correct them or ask them to apologize. The 5-year-old is home all day.
Would really appreciate suggestions on how to deal with the situation.

Find a new job. You cannot win in this situation.

Live-in nanny here. In your situation, I would tell the parents that I'm willing to stay with a couple conditions.

No special needs:
1. They need to leave for a week, no contact with the kids. They're welcome to watch cameras and contact me while the kids are asleep. But there will be no undermining of my authority with the children while I do a reset on their behavior.
2. The children and I will write out a list of rules, incentives and disincentives. The parents have no say whatsoever in any of that. The parents will not undermine any of the three lists (not enforcing rules, providing incentives without being earned, not enforcing disincentives) or I will be gone.
3. The children and I will talk to the parents at the end of the first week, and we will determine whether the parents need to stay away for a second week.

Special needs:
1. I need to see the diagnosis paperwork, all IEP/504 information, and talk to the teachers and staff. Either the problems at home bridge to school, in which case we need a unified way to start teaching the child to cope, or the problem only exists at home because the child knows that the school won't tolerate the behavior, in which case the child is capable and choosing not to behave (handle as with no special needs).
2. Liaise with the teachers daily to find the best ways to help the child.

I think it's hard to be a new nanny with kids of these ages. You don't have any history with them and they're going to be testing your authority.

Our new nanny was struggling with my 2 boys, who were very well behaved with their prior nanny. She came to me for help and we made a plan together.

On her end, she was giving too many chances, and not following through with any of her consequences. My kids took full advantage, sadly.

Our kids have a behavior chart, and they have to maintain their good behavior for screen time. I gave the nanny full control over 2 items of their chart, so she could use screen time as leverage.

She also put a reward system in place for each kid based on their interest. A week of perfect behavior earned a small reward.

Things really turned around and in the past 2 months, there's been only 1 or 2 days of bad behavior reported.

I'm so impressed with the nanny for coming to me with her concerns and working together with me to address it.

Have the children actually been diagnosed by a professional for having ADHD?

Maybe the parents are just saying they are as an excuse for why their children misbehave.

I have personally experienced this & trust me on this - w/out the parent’s support and help, these kids will never get any better.

I would personally leave + find another family w/better behaved kids.

When you do > it is such a refreshing change!

Anonymous wrote:Not the right fit for you. They clearly run the house if parents don’t even correct the rude behavior.

This. This is a parenting, or lack thereof, problem. Not an ADHD problem.

Ugh no. It's so horrible whenever I hear ignorant parents saying things like oh it's just kids, it's a phase. NO. Lazy parents should discipline and redirect their kids. They just want the nanny, teacher do everything! The first 3 years are important. Es importante.

Good manners starts from home. Lazy parents.

Find a better family! Hugs!

I can imagine how stressed you must be. This is lots of work, lots of responsibility and lots of stress. Move on. Start looking for another job. Good luck.

Have a meeting with the parents. If they are unwilling to make changes then you need to leave.

Not the right fit for you. They clearly run the house if parents don’t even correct the rude behavior.

I've just signed up for a family with 3 kids. Mom told me they have ADHD. I've worked before with kids that have ADHD and have coped just fine as I really enjoy working with kids. These kids are 9, 7 and 5 and just don't listen to anything I tell them. They don't want to engage in any way either, whether it is art and craft, sports, going out, stories... They are badly behaved and rude, sometimes even when parents are around. Parents don't correct them or ask them to apologize. The 5-year-old is home all day.
Would really appreciate suggestions on how to deal with the situation.