If AP is not IQ, will agency force a rematch upon finding out the news or just on baby’s arrival?

Can she become IQ retroactively if she actually has had infant experience?

Anonymous wrote:OP back. We told our au pair promptly after this post. She was very excited about the news. We still haven't officially told family. In any event, au pair is quite excited to join our family, and has been sending us emails re the baby classes she is taking online. She seems a special one, and we can't wait to welcome her to our family.

I just found out I am pregnant with my second. Totally unplanned and a shock. I found out five days before my au pair arrived. She has been here just a few days and didn't want to overwhelm her with the news but I also don't want to blindside her. So far she has been wonderful so I hope she will take it well. I am so early I haven't even seen the heartbeat yet but I want to tell her ASAP. I'm so glad your AP was happy about the news

OP back. We told our au pair promptly after this post. She was very excited about the news. We still haven't officially told family. In any event, au pair is quite excited to join our family, and has been sending us emails re the baby classes she is taking online. She seems a special one, and we can't wait to welcome her to our family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's not going to take care of the infant then you don't need to tell her to front at all. It will be toward the end of her term and you'll have the infant care covered with nanny or mat leave. Just proceed as usual and tell her when the time is right. Best of luck!

Having a hormonal HM and then maternity leave with HM home changes the job description. Also, you have to find out if she's willing to be in the house with a baby who won't be STTN and may awaken her.

I have had three kids and was never hormonal. Most women work until they are 40 weeks and you do a disservice to women to claim that they are not as competent or professional as men when they are pregnant.

We had au pairs who were with us for two of my three pregnancies. All of them were lovely. I did IVF a few weeks after one au pair arrived and had the baby a few weeks before she left. I was home on maternity leave when we had au pairs, but they don’t work during the day while the other kids are in daycare, so I don’t think the fact that I was upstairs with a baby really impacted their daytime leisure activities and they were all terrific with the babies. Give au pairs more credit for being good people and responsible workers.

Some women are hormonal when pregnant. For those who are, the job/home environment change for the AP.

Some women don't stay in the nursery/master bedroom while on maternity leave. Again, that changes the job/home environment.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's not going to take care of the infant then you don't need to tell her to front at all. It will be toward the end of her term and you'll have the infant care covered with nanny or mat leave. Just proceed as usual and tell her when the time is right. Best of luck!

Having a hormonal HM and then maternity leave with HM home changes the job description. Also, you have to find out if she's willing to be in the house with a baby who won't be STTN and may awaken her.

I have had three kids and was never hormonal. Most women work until they are 40 weeks and you do a disservice to women to claim that they are not as competent or professional as men when they are pregnant.

We had au pairs who were with us for two of my three pregnancies. All of them were lovely. I did IVF a few weeks after one au pair arrived and had the baby a few weeks before she left. I was home on maternity leave when we had au pairs, but they don’t work during the day while the other kids are in daycare, so I don’t think the fact that I was upstairs with a baby really impacted their daytime leisure activities and they were all terrific with the babies. Give au pairs more credit for being good people and responsible workers.

Congratulations! I would tell her even though it's early.

Anonymous wrote:If she's not going to take care of the infant then you don't need to tell her to front at all. It will be toward the end of her term and you'll have the infant care covered with nanny or mat leave. Just proceed as usual and tell her when the time is right. Best of luck!

Having a hormonal HM and then maternity leave with HM home changes the job description. Also, you have to find out if she's willing to be in the house with a baby who won't be STTN and may awaken her.

If she's not going to take care of the infant then you don't need to tell her to front at all. It will be toward the end of her term and you'll have the infant care covered with nanny or mat leave. Just proceed as usual and tell her when the time is right. Best of luck!

Former AP here.

Please be honest with her. If she has a change of heart you'll all feel better that you didn't waste time having her arrive and be surprised/disapointed and asking for a rematch.

I'd let her know that 1) you're expecting 2) it won't change her job description 3) a nanny will take care of the baby

I would have been happy in this situation.
You can also offer some extra babysitting to her, it's a win win.

good luck !

Anonymous wrote:Find out if your Aupair is infant qualified. Even if she isn’t responsible for the baby, she can’t be placed in a home with a baby under 2 years if she isn’t infant qualified.

Congrats!! I hope all goes well no matter which direction your childcare goes.

This! It does not matter that you say that AP won't be taking care of the baby. If she is not infant qualified, you need to find a different AP.

Yes, you tell her before you tell your family. There's no reason why your family would know or care when she found out.

In your shoes, I'd tell her as soon as there's a heartbeat.

You do not want to start your year with her with distrust or any misgivings. And she will have that if you wait too long.

Congratulations and wishing you a smooth 9 months!

Thanks all. Yes, we'd have maternity leave for at least 12 weeks, perhaps longer. I'm not entirely sure what we'd do for the au pair's last 2 or 3 months--perhaps extended maternity leave, perhaps a nanny. That is a long time away, but I don't think we'd expect her to care for newborn and (then) 4 & 5 year old boys. Our (fully described) expectation at hiring was her handling the boys after school 3 days / week + some evenings/weekends. We don't anticipate that changing much.

Yes, the au pair is infant qualified. Per her profile, she was willing to take on infants. We didn't discuss that during our interviews, though, as we had moved on (or so we thought) from #3.

Our concern now is how soon do we need to tell her? If this happens (again, early!), it will be a material change in the house from what we advertised. But at the same time, we don't want to get out too early, before we have more certainty on just what is happening. It would feel strange to tell our au pair before our families. Yet, we also don't want her to think this was a bait-and-switch!

I guess the question is--do we need to tell her early, so she could find a different family if she thinks we are no longer the right fit? As the calendar is currently playing out, we'd probably tell our families in about 6 weeks--2 weeks before her scheduled arrival. At that point, she may feel like she has no options.

Find out if your Aupair is infant qualified. Even if she isn’t responsible for the baby, she can’t be placed in a home with a baby under 2 years if she isn’t infant qualified.

Congrats!! I hope all goes well no matter which direction your childcare goes.

Au pairs cannot care for babies younger than 12 weeks, I believe. I was on maternity leave while hosting and it wasn’t an issue. But, we had clearly defined jobs - I was 100% responsible for the baby and she was responsible for the older kids. I tried to stay out of her way. It worked out fine!

Seeking DCUM wisdom on this situation in which we find ourselves. What would you do here?

We have two boys, 3 & 4.5. A few months ago, we matched with a wonderful au pair--our first--who is arriving in roughly two months. She has completed the process and is all set to come. As the kids reach more fulltime school, we're excited to transition from a nanny to an au pair.

Here's the issue: We had been open to a third child, but after some difficulties on that front, we had essentially turned the page. Well, a few weeks ago, we learned that there may well be a #3 on the way. It's really, really early though; especially in light of past experiences, we aren't planning on really anyone for probably 6 weeks or so. If all goes well, #3 would arrive about halfway through au pair's years with us. We'd anticipate maternity leave for 3-4 months following birth of #3. And, we recognize that we may return to a fulltime nanny next. If that means starting a nanny *before* our au pair departs, we're certainly open to that. Put differently--we don't expect an au pair to be our principal child care for *both* our toddlers and the new born. We'd anticipate the au pair mainly handling child care for the toddlers.

That said, being in a house with toddlers is different than being in a house with two toddlers and a newborn. We are uncertain as to when to inform the au pair as to our (potentially) changing family situation. Do we do so now? Might she/can she ask for a rematch before arriving? It feels weird informing her before any of our family, but we want to be fair to her. We really like her, and would be sad to lose her.

Has anyone been in this situation before? How would you handle it?