We live in Bethesda and while it’s metro accessible, most of what our APs do is hang out at friends houses or in downtown Bethesda and for that you need a car. I think it would be really hard not to have a car on off hours in this area, but your set up might be different. Some APs love the family dog like their own so I’d look for a real dog lover if that’s important to you, otherwise as said above you could consider offering extra since it’s not a core responsibility. As far as dinner, I’d say typical to eat with AP most weeknights, not really on weekends when there’s less of a set schedule.

Not allowing your AP to drive your car on her time off is going to be an issue. Even if you give her an Uber stipend.


What if she wants to visit a friend not on metro or “bus” line.

You seem to want privacy, if so, you need to make it easy not hard for her to go out.

Regarding cars, some families offer a monthly transportation stipend in place of a car. So it's possible to work around this. It's completely dependent on your location and the AP's preference.

All of our APs eat dinners with us. One of our most independent APs, whom we hardly saw on weekends, actually preferred to eat dinner with us most nights. She'd get take outs from time to time, but saw dinner time as us including her to be part of the family.

Having an AP will mean some loss of privacy. It's to be expected. We've had APs ranging from very independent (never hangs out with outside of working hours) to always joining us for activities, including after dinner family board games and movie nights. Both personality types work with us. If you prefer to have an independent AP who does her own thing, you can certainly screen for that.

Many APs will ask during the interview whether you have pets. I've had several APs tell me that though they love dogs and have family dogs themselves, they prefer not having to take care of a host family's dog. It's not their job and they fear the dreaded mission creep. I don't blame them. If you want your AP to take the dog out midday on a regular basis, offer extra money for that task.

The biggest benefit of having an AP is the consistency of coverage. You don't have to scramble for coverage when the kids are sick and can't go to daycare/school. Or when daycares shut down every month due to covid exposure or staff shortage.

The corollary is you have to find an AP who's generally compatible with your caution level and who won't go partying in crowded bars every weekend.

The biggest downside is it takes a lot of mental energy to manage a young woman living in your house. It's a balance act to have high expectations of her (as a child care provider and a roommate) and ensuring that she's happy too. The last thing you want is an unhappy/moody person living under the same roof.

We are looking into childcare options and we are considering an au pair.

A few questions:

Do you have to allow au pairs to drive? I've read horror stories about au pairs wrecking cars. We live about 15 minutes from the metro, walking distance to many shops and restaurants, and close to numerous bus lines, so my preference is to not have the au pair drive our car.

We have a separate living space where the au pair would be. It's a small basement studio with a kitchenette. For anyone with a similar set up, does your au pair typically eat dinner with you every night? We cook dinner most nights and will obviously offer to have our au pair eat with us when we do so and will incorporate her into the family as much or as little as she wants, but I also know that it might be nice to sometimes have just our family eating dinner.

We have a dog and while we wouldn't expect the au pair to take care of the dog, it would be great to have someone who could take the dog out midday to do his business. Is that someone we can ask of the au pair?

Other general things you liked and didn't like about an au pair would be great to know!