Anonymous
01/20/2022 09:42
Subject: How to screen for emotionally stable au pairs
i agree with PP who said look for an AP who has lived away from home. That has been an easy screen for us and we've have good, independent au pairs.
Anonymous
01/19/2022 18:42
Subject: Re:How to screen for emotionally stable au pairs
Screen for APs who talk more about friends and work than their family. Ask about what their daily and weekly schedule is like, and listen for how much time they spend in their parents' home(s). Ask about what their plans are on return to their country.
Anonymous
01/19/2022 14:23
Subject: Re:How to screen for emotionally stable au pairs
Thank you for your reply! This is all very helpful. I’m now reminded that their profiles were full of pictures with family.
Anonymous
01/19/2022 11:55
Subject: How to screen for emotionally stable au pairs
It's hit or miss. But some parameters help narrow down the pool: not an only child, has lived on her own outside her parents' home, pictures in their profile not focused on loving mom and dad. If their personal statement is full of gushing of how warm and loving their mom and dad are, I'd pass. During interviews, ask about any adversities they've encountered and how they overcame them.
My most independent ap came from a hard background. Both her parents died when she was relatively young and she was raised by a relative. She was completely self sufficient and independent.
Having said all that, we do have family dinner together most nights. With 3 kids at such a young age, you have to be very frank during the interview process about how busy your household is and set realistic expectations. Most aps find 3 kids a tough job.
My most independent ap came from a hard background. Both her parents died when she was relatively young and she was raised by a relative. She was completely self sufficient and independent.
Having said all that, we do have family dinner together most nights. With 3 kids at such a young age, you have to be very frank during the interview process about how busy your household is and set realistic expectations. Most aps find 3 kids a tough job.
Anonymous
01/19/2022 11:40
Subject: How to screen for emotionally stable au pairs
Is it possible? Would love to hear from families who have had success and haven’t been drained by neediness.
We’ve had two HIGHLY needy au pairs who both came across as mature, self-sufficient and capable during interviews. One was 20, one was 24. Both ended up being emotionally immature and expected us to parent them for them as if they were our own children. We took a break after our second AP rematched out of the blue. (Because we didn’t have family dinner together enough. Our children are 6, 4, and 2 so family dinners are rare and hurried, admittedly.)
However, we loved certain aspects of the program and would love to try again. Our first two have been more work than help at (many) times.
We’ve had two HIGHLY needy au pairs who both came across as mature, self-sufficient and capable during interviews. One was 20, one was 24. Both ended up being emotionally immature and expected us to parent them for them as if they were our own children. We took a break after our second AP rematched out of the blue. (Because we didn’t have family dinner together enough. Our children are 6, 4, and 2 so family dinners are rare and hurried, admittedly.)
However, we loved certain aspects of the program and would love to try again. Our first two have been more work than help at (many) times.