Anonymous wrote:I think your expectations of what skills an au pair will have are very high and not realistic compared with what you actually get. Not one of my au pairs knew how to do laundry-- I had to teach them every. little. thing. None of them ever cleaned the lint screen in the dryer, even when I explained that it's a fire hazard to not clean it. One stuffed the washer full of clothes very tightly packed in, and couldn't figure out why the clothes weren't getting clean. I would never let any of them do the grocery shopping, because they would inevitably come back with the wrong kind of peanut butter that my kids won't eat, or the $20 maple syrup instead of the cheap pancake syrup my kids are used to. It's your money, so they're not going to care what anything costs. They all say they can cook, but that might mean they can microwave instant mac and cheese if you're lucky (language barriers mean that some of them can't read the directions to do things like that). And because they are from another country, you will have to teach them things that anyone who grew up in the US would know, like how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

All the agencies are pretty bad and dishonest, and none of them really do any screening of candidates (that's on you). Cultural Care is the worst, in my experience (but APIA wasn't really much better).

I was an au pair that had never done laundry or used a dishwasher before I came here. My host mom showed me both. It wasn’t hard.

Anonymous wrote:Thank you, very much, to everyone who has taken the time to respond.

Is it realistic to think that an au pair who speaks reasonable English (perhaps from Germany or Poland) would do homework with the children? This would mostly involve reading with the children and/or having the children read with her.

Yes, but they won't *teach* your children. Our German au pair was great at sorting through the homework and keeping kids on task, but didn't understand common core math anymore than I do. The level of education and the quality of education is vastly different in different parts of the world. A german or polish au pair will be much different helping with homework than maybe an au pair from an area of the world that doesn't have great secondary education. If your kids are young elementary, it would be easier for all.

Yes, all of our aps have routinely read with the kids. It's a common au pair responsibility.

Thank you, very much, to everyone who has taken the time to respond.

Is it realistic to think that an au pair who speaks reasonable English (perhaps from Germany or Poland) would do homework with the children? This would mostly involve reading with the children and/or having the children read with her.

I like CC - they were helpful to us in getting an au pair despite COVID and our LCCs have generally been fine, I agree they seem to have the most candidates at any given time.

Does your proposed schedule not include work in the morning? If so, I would highlight that as many au pairs would be happy to sleep in!

Our au pairs have always done all of these things for our family - with the exception of cooking for all of us (though our current ap is fabulous and cooks for the whole family often and does so with joy!)
But I screen super hard and our kids are really easy and good, nice kids. Our aps always tell us horror stories they hear from friends so I think they realize how good they have it.

You need to hire a nanny or tone down your expectations for an au pair. They are typically young adults without much childcare experience who are here to see the US and either stay as a college student after their au pair years or return home to go to college.
I have only hosted one out of seven au pairs who can actually cook a meal. The others heat up items that I have pre-made or made simple meals like Macaroni and Cheese or Grilled Cheese which my european aupair had to youtube how to make.
Our au pairs have never grocery shopped and typically add items to our instacart cart since you are required to provide room and board.
Wanted to be realistic here. An au pair can walk to the school to pick the kids up. She can heat up dinner or prepare simple items. She will be able to throw a load of laundry in a few times a week.
I would expect to be asked for a personal car for your aupair to drive. Weekends off. Written and set hours.

We didn't have a good experience with Aupair Care but it seems like there is a horror story for any of the companies. Au pairs are helpful when you have multiple children and non-traditional schedules. During covid shutdowns, it was very helpful.
Hosting comes with a mixed bag of experiences. They aren't nannies and they aren't here to be professional childcare.

We used EurAuPair. I don't recommend, as they don't have a huge network. I think you may be able to look at the candidates at each agency before contracting with the agency. I could be wrong, but its worth asking, to see if you can get a sense of their candidate pool.

Be very specific about the cooking expectations. Our au pair considers microwaving chicken nuggets to be "cooking." We have not asked her to do anything beyond making cereal for breakfast, PBJs for lunch and mac and cheese for dinner. I don't think she has the ability / desire to do anything beyond that.

I was excited about my au pair doing the kids laundry but she was just so darn terrible. Would not pretreat anything, would not sort laundry, ruined / shrunk a bunch of things before I resumed the responsibility. So either plan on outsourcing to a qualified third party, doing it yourself, or spend some time (and patience!) teaching your au pair how to do laundry.

We use Au Pair Care and have been happy for the most part. I started out with CC, but found it really hard to get anyone to interview with us, let alone match. The reason for that is that CC allows aps 6 connections at a time and they have a lot of leeway to pick and choose the best offer. APC's selection process favors host families (hf can have 3 connections while aps only 2). So the matching process is a lot easier that way.

Anyway all 3 of our aps so far know how to do laundry and it's been a huge help. Cooking skills vary a lot, but we don't count on them cooking. None of them do grocery shopping. In fact we tell them to let us know if they want any specific items when we go to the store.

Regarding the schedule, you have to be very upfront and frank about it. Some aps would not ever consider split schedules (they want their evenings and weekends free). Others can roll with it.

It's not without many ups and downs. All of ours have been on the older side (>25). They are all good with the kids and the kids love them. But, it's a lot of mental and emotional labor to manage a young person living in your home who may or may not mesh well with your home life. For this reason, it's just as important to screen them for roommate compatibility as for childcare skills.

Let me just say that if you are frustrated that your AP picks out the wrong peanut butter or maple syrup, you have unrealistic expectations about what an AP is or should be. If you care so much - make a detailed list that explains which brand. Jeez - how do you expect an 18-25 year old non-English as a first language speaker to be so perfect??? Be happy they went to the store for you and tried their best.

I think you could have success with an au pair if: 1) you tell them the truth about the job you are offering - don't sugar coat it. It might take more time to find the right candidate but its better than pulling a bait and switch. 2) Simmer down on the cooking and shopping piece - this sounds like it could too easily slide into the AP cooking and doing all the family grocery shopping which will lead to resentment 3) think about ways you can make you AP feel happy, even when her schedule is much tougher than her friends - I know other moms wont agree, but some perks from you in terms of car or time off or extra $ will probably make her happier and therefore a better au pair

I think your expectations of what skills an au pair will have are very high and not realistic compared with what you actually get. Not one of my au pairs knew how to do laundry-- I had to teach them every. little. thing. None of them ever cleaned the lint screen in the dryer, even when I explained that it's a fire hazard to not clean it. One stuffed the washer full of clothes very tightly packed in, and couldn't figure out why the clothes weren't getting clean. I would never let any of them do the grocery shopping, because they would inevitably come back with the wrong kind of peanut butter that my kids won't eat, or the $20 maple syrup instead of the cheap pancake syrup my kids are used to. It's your money, so they're not going to care what anything costs. They all say they can cook, but that might mean they can microwave instant mac and cheese if you're lucky (language barriers mean that some of them can't read the directions to do things like that). And because they are from another country, you will have to teach them things that anyone who grew up in the US would know, like how to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

All the agencies are pretty bad and dishonest, and none of them really do any screening of candidates (that's on you). Cultural Care is the worst, in my experience (but APIA wasn't really much better).

We also have jobs that sometimes involve weekend hours and we sometimes have kid activities that make using weekend hours with our au pair helpful. Because if this, we went with APIA. CC has a rule that the 1.5 days off a week have to be next to each other. APIA does not have that rule. Since we mostly us half days after school, we can put her on for a 10 hour day on a weekend if needed, even a Sunday when she had Saturday off.

If you need only a traditional work week schedule, this might not matter, but if you don’t then the flexibility helps.

Hello.

My significant other and I live in the Richmond VA area, and are both physicians with somewhat wonky schedules (which includes working some weekends and getting called in at odd hours when on call). We have three young children in elementary school, and are considering hosting an AP to start this summer. Ideally, the AP would pick the kids up from school (which is within walking distance), help them do their homework, and cook dinner for them (and perhaps for us some evenings?). It would be amazing if she could do their laundry, do some cleaning up after them, pack their lunches, do the grocery shopping for them, and/or help with their dishes. It would also be extremely helpful if she is available to watch the children during the day in the event of sickness, half day, or school closure.

Our kids are currently in afterschool care, and it appears that it may be about cost-neutral to host an AP (afterschool care is about $800/month for each).

Does this sound like a reasonable set of basic expectations for an AP?

We have talked with three agencies (Au Pair in America, Agent Au Pair, and Cultural Care Au Pair). Our initial impression is that the latter seems to have the largest network and most support around this area.

My significant other and I would greatly appreciate any input or experiences the participants on this forum may have had (positive or negative) with any of these agencies that may help guide which we go with, and to know if there is another agency that we should reach out to?

Thank you - we would be sincerely grateful for any thoughts or input