Anonymous
Post 05/22/2021 12:55     Subject: Handling grand parents visits

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Only on DCUM this is an issue. When grandparents visit, unless it's a special outing (which is likely on the weekend anyway) we keep to the basic schedule. The difference is our nanny can get stuff done while grandparents entertain the kids. But the basic structure is the same. My mom is hands on and has a ton of opinions, but my nanny is from the same culture so they bond over their opinions and exchange advice and recipes. My mom usually cooks for everyone including the kids. My inlaws have no opinions they express to the nanny and generally stay out of the way and choose when to join in activities. They are obnoxious with plates and cleaning up after themselves but they generally visit for very short periods of time and we generally pay the nanny more for those days. How is this so difficult?



It’s an issue beyond DCUM, PP. You have absolutely no clue how awful some grandparents can be. I’m the poster from above who had one - just one - horrible set of grandmothers in my nanny career and it was painful.



I am a nanny and I'm totally agree with your post. Same way as all have met the most sweet grandparents we all have had such a bad experiences with them; treating us like their maid and trying to break the rules that are already set with children and no in a nice way at all and trying to be our bosses while they are around.



+2. I’ve only had one horrible grandmother in my long career but she was memorably horrible!
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2021 12:53     Subject: Handling grand parents visits

Anonymous wrote:Only on DCUM this is an issue. When grandparents visit, unless it's a special outing (which is likely on the weekend anyway) we keep to the basic schedule. The difference is our nanny can get stuff done while grandparents entertain the kids. But the basic structure is the same. My mom is hands on and has a ton of opinions, but my nanny is from the same culture so they bond over their opinions and exchange advice and recipes. My mom usually cooks for everyone including the kids. My inlaws have no opinions they express to the nanny and generally stay out of the way and choose when to join in activities. They are obnoxious with plates and cleaning up after themselves but they generally visit for very short periods of time and we generally pay the nanny more for those days. How is this so difficult?



You are either oblivious or have an extremely small circle if you think that is true.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2021 11:39     Subject: Handling grand parents visits

Anonymous wrote:Only on DCUM this is an issue. When grandparents visit, unless it's a special outing (which is likely on the weekend anyway) we keep to the basic schedule. The difference is our nanny can get stuff done while grandparents entertain the kids. But the basic structure is the same. My mom is hands on and has a ton of opinions, but my nanny is from the same culture so they bond over their opinions and exchange advice and recipes. My mom usually cooks for everyone including the kids. My inlaws have no opinions they express to the nanny and generally stay out of the way and choose when to join in activities. They are obnoxious with plates and cleaning up after themselves but they generally visit for very short periods of time and we generally pay the nanny more for those days. How is this so difficult?



No, it’s an issue beyond DCUM and has been since non-family members began caring for children. You’re assuming everyone has emotional maturity and intelligence. So not true in real life especially around grandchildren who are close or bonded with the nanny. The jealousy and downright rudeness of some grandparents is astounding.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2021 09:43     Subject: Handling grand parents visits

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Only on DCUM this is an issue. When grandparents visit, unless it's a special outing (which is likely on the weekend anyway) we keep to the basic schedule. The difference is our nanny can get stuff done while grandparents entertain the kids. But the basic structure is the same. My mom is hands on and has a ton of opinions, but my nanny is from the same culture so they bond over their opinions and exchange advice and recipes. My mom usually cooks for everyone including the kids. My inlaws have no opinions they express to the nanny and generally stay out of the way and choose when to join in activities. They are obnoxious with plates and cleaning up after themselves but they generally visit for very short periods of time and we generally pay the nanny more for those days. How is this so difficult?



It’s an issue beyond DCUM, PP. You have absolutely no clue how awful some grandparents can be. I’m the poster from above who had one - just one - horrible set of grandmothers in my nanny career and it was painful.



I am a nanny and I'm totally agree with your post. Same way as all have met the most sweet grandparents we all have had such a bad experiences with them; treating us like their maid and trying to break the rules that are already set with children and no in a nice way at all and trying to be our bosses while they are around.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2021 09:40     Subject: Handling grand parents visits

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Only on DCUM this is an issue. When grandparents visit, unless it's a special outing (which is likely on the weekend anyway) we keep to the basic schedule. The difference is our nanny can get stuff done while grandparents entertain the kids. But the basic structure is the same. My mom is hands on and has a ton of opinions, but my nanny is from the same culture so they bond over their opinions and exchange advice and recipes. My mom usually cooks for everyone including the kids. My inlaws have no opinions they express to the nanny and generally stay out of the way and choose when to join in activities. They are obnoxious with plates and cleaning up after themselves but they generally visit for very short periods of time and we generally pay the nanny more for those days. How is this so difficult?



It’s an issue beyond DCUM, PP. You have absolutely no clue how awful some grandparents can be. I’m the poster from above who had one - just one - horrible set of grandmothers in my nanny career and it was painful.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2021 20:37     Subject: Handling grand parents visits

Anonymous wrote:Only on DCUM this is an issue. When grandparents visit, unless it's a special outing (which is likely on the weekend anyway) we keep to the basic schedule. The difference is our nanny can get stuff done while grandparents entertain the kids. But the basic structure is the same. My mom is hands on and has a ton of opinions, but my nanny is from the same culture so they bond over their opinions and exchange advice and recipes. My mom usually cooks for everyone including the kids. My inlaws have no opinions they express to the nanny and generally stay out of the way and choose when to join in activities. They are obnoxious with plates and cleaning up after themselves but they generally visit for very short periods of time and we generally pay the nanny more for those days. How is this so difficult?



It’s an issue beyond DCUM, PP. You have absolutely no clue how awful some grandparents can be. I’m the poster from above who had one - just one - horrible set of grandmothers in my nanny career and it was painful.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2021 12:29     Subject: Re:Handling grand parents visits

Anonymous wrote:Thank you all!
This is OP and my biggest concerns are that, each member of the family thinks that he/she is the boss. Could you do this or that? Leaving laundry, dishes all for me. It's so annoying too. People sometimes think that because your work for their sister, daughter or so, you also work for them and they can talk to you the way they want. Once, I was working for a family whose nephews come to visit, and the kids just told me "oh, put the water back in the fridge when we are done". I just told them that not my job and if they use something the put it back. They said back " our aunt told us that you're the nanny, so you need to take care of us the way you take care of her children". I spoke with the family and they told me it seemed I'm not happy working for them anymore. After two weeks, they fired me. Lol! People are sometimes abusives. Therefore, I'm wondering if I could put some boundaries now because I already noticed some red flags.


BTDT.

My charges were 16 month old twins. 4 cousins (supposedly) bilingual in English and their native language visited for a month.

1. I had a very strict schedule that I was supposed to keep for the twins. The older children did things like sneak into the nursery and yell to wake them up, then run away laughing. So fun.
2. I had been told that the uncle who lived there would supervise mornings and evenings. Instead I was expected to whip up 4 different breakfasts while feeding the twins, all in 20 minutes.
3. Two of the children refused to speak to me in whatever English they spoke, so the other two translated. This made everything last longer.
4. I had no authority with the 4 cousins, and they went in my room (live-in) and destroyed some of my things.
5. I have no problems fostering a relationship between my charges and their relatives. I do have a problem with allowing children who are throwing things, screaming and pulling their hair around toddlers.
Anonymous
Post 05/19/2021 11:27     Subject: Handling grand parents visits

Only on DCUM this is an issue. When grandparents visit, unless it's a special outing (which is likely on the weekend anyway) we keep to the basic schedule. The difference is our nanny can get stuff done while grandparents entertain the kids. But the basic structure is the same. My mom is hands on and has a ton of opinions, but my nanny is from the same culture so they bond over their opinions and exchange advice and recipes. My mom usually cooks for everyone including the kids. My inlaws have no opinions they express to the nanny and generally stay out of the way and choose when to join in activities. They are obnoxious with plates and cleaning up after themselves but they generally visit for very short periods of time and we generally pay the nanny more for those days. How is this so difficult?
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2021 13:51     Subject: Re:Handling grand parents visits

Thank you all!
This is OP and my biggest concerns are that, each member of the family thinks that he/she is the boss. Could you do this or that? Leaving laundry, dishes all for me. It's so annoying too. People sometimes think that because your work for their sister, daughter or so, you also work for them and they can talk to you the way they want. Once, I was working for a family whose nephews come to visit, and the kids just told me "oh, put the water back in the fridge when we are done". I just told them that not my job and if they use something the put it back. They said back " our aunt told us that you're the nanny, so you need to take care of us the way you take care of her children". I spoke with the family and they told me it seemed I'm not happy working for them anymore. After two weeks, they fired me. Lol! People are sometimes abusives. Therefore, I'm wondering if I could put some boundaries now because I already noticed some red flags.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2021 11:03     Subject: Handling grand parents visits

Anonymous wrote:Hello nannies and parents,

How do you handle when the grandparents come to visit and they are so involved in the kid's life. Nannies do you let them tell you how to take care of the kids? How about laundry and dishes when they let it for you? They never clean after themselves? Do you set boundaries or let it go? Parents do you give off to your nannies when your parents are in town or you let your parents help your nannies? Do the grandparents go with your parents follow your nannies everywhere for playdates or playgrounds? I'm a nanny and usually when the grandparents come to visit, the parents let me go after I put kids for a nap or I didn't come when the grandparents came over. But, with my new family I have to stay with the grandparents all the times and it's so overwhelming to be followed.
Thank you


My contract lays out the main expectations for everyone, then we evaluate the minor details when they're here.

Nobody tells me to change what I'm doing while we're in front of the children. Ever. It's demeaning and diminishes authority. If the grandparents have a problem with what I'm doing, they're welcome to speak to me about it while the children nap or are in the other room with another adult. However, any changes will be discussed with the parents prior to implementing any sweeping changes.

I'm quite willing to do the grandparents' dishes, laundry and clean up after them. My fee is $50/hour, and I'll do it after work.

I welcome grandparents into our day. I'm happy to accommodate large changes for infrequent visits, provided that we stick to schedules for potty training, food and naps. For frequent/long visits, it's better for my charges if the grandparents join us, rather than having the grandparents wants derail multiple weeks of consistency. If my employers want to derail my charges' schedule every time the grandparents are there, I'm not the right nanny for them. I prioritize consistency along with the relationship with the grandparents, not one over the other.

It sounds like your previous family didn't have you there when the grandparents were, and while some families do that, IME, most don't. Most families expect the nanny to sit there and blend into the wallpaper while the grandparents take a short time with kids, then they have something else to do and the nanny is ready to take over again. Honestly, it sounds like your current family is my ideal. I welcome grandparents who come along to anything we do, and it makes it so much easier when they don't want me to make my charge ignore me and want them.
Anonymous
Post 05/18/2021 06:33     Subject: Re:Handling grand parents visits

I was allowed to come in. A couple of hours late and leave an hour or so early. When I was there though I was in charge. Generally I would try to go out as much as possible..
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2021 23:27     Subject: Handling grand parents visits

We make it very clear to the nanny that they are to keep the schedule, and we make it very clear to the grandparents the nanny is in charge. They are keeping the kids and nanny company.

My in-laws are lovely. They clean up after themselves, and sometimes ask the nanny which bin is compost and which is recycling, etc.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2021 16:46     Subject: Re:Handling grand parents visits

All of the grandparents in my current and previous positions except one have been wonderful. Excepting the one pair of grandmothers, all of the other grandparents help me but leave me in charge. Several cook things especially for me and always pitch in. I truly enjoy their company.

If you’re having trouble with your charge’s grandparents, my advice is to just do what you normally do and be polite but not a doormat. You’re still on the clock and being paid to care for your charge.

Anonymous
Post 05/16/2021 14:10     Subject: Re:Handling grand parents visits

I like my charges’ grandparents and tend to take a more hands-off approach when they visit. I only correct them (gently) if they do something the parents are opposed to (in this job it’s no screens or certain things we don’t say to the kids like “big boys don’t cry”).

I continue to make my charges food, do their laundry, keep their nap and quiet time schedules, reading times. Pre-covid, the grandparents would come with us to music class and the library.
Anonymous
Post 05/16/2021 09:36     Subject: Handling grand parents visits

Hello nannies and parents,

How do you handle when the grandparents come to visit and they are so involved in the kid's life. Nannies do you let them tell you how to take care of the kids? How about laundry and dishes when they let it for you? They never clean after themselves? Do you set boundaries or let it go? Parents do you give off to your nannies when your parents are in town or you let your parents help your nannies? Do the grandparents go with your parents follow your nannies everywhere for playdates or playgrounds? I'm a nanny and usually when the grandparents come to visit, the parents let me go after I put kids for a nap or I didn't come when the grandparents came over. But, with my new family I have to stay with the grandparents all the times and it's so overwhelming to be followed.
Thank you