Anonymous
07/14/2021 08:54
Subject: How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I also agree that it SHOULD NOT be hard to entertain a 10 month old and 4 year old.... That is not a tough gig, it should be fun and full of joy!!! Those ages are amazing!!! So little to keep both involved, sensory activities, finger painting, stick stacking/playing, rolling balls, water play, blocks, nature walks, ice play, Gathering cicadas, any and everything!!! Dont let her get lazy, make a schedule and check in nightly to see how it went. If she didn't do it, ask why and what resources she needs to help her get it done. Just like your boss expects things from you, you are a to expect these things from her.
She should be able to do all this without kids classes, etc. Also, I had a crappy au pair who claimed she was a teacher but I wonder how many of them lie about that. She had no clue how to engage my kids.
I would say 80% of that "teaching experience" Is at volunteer centers run by the recruiters in their countries. They need childcare hours to be approved so they have them volunteer at the drop-in childcare centers for that experience. It's a win win.
Do your homework on the recruiters and the experience before you hire an au pair. Their hours are most likely inflated.
It depends on the AP and the country. Our AP spent one year in a pediatrics ward as national service, and then two full-time years working in a private daycare. Beyond that, she babysat frequently. She was assessed as an extraordinaire - and she had a much wider breadth of knowledge of knowledge of babies and toddlers than we did. Like all of the APs we host, she was older (began at 24). She was easily more active, and more interested in engagement than either of the nanny shares that we did with older, non-driving nannies who barely took kids outside. For us, the AP was a lot more expensive than the nanny share, but well worth it.
Anonymous
07/12/2021 16:29
Subject: How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
Anonymous wrote:I also agree that it SHOULD NOT be hard to entertain a 10 month old and 4 year old.... That is not a tough gig, it should be fun and full of joy!!! Those ages are amazing!!! So little to keep both involved, sensory activities, finger painting, stick stacking/playing, rolling balls, water play, blocks, nature walks, ice play, Gathering cicadas, any and everything!!! Dont let her get lazy, make a schedule and check in nightly to see how it went. If she didn't do it, ask why and what resources she needs to help her get it done. Just like your boss expects things from you, you are a to expect these things from her.
She should be able to do all this without kids classes, etc. Also, I had a crappy au pair who claimed she was a teacher but I wonder how many of them lie about that. She had no clue how to engage my kids.
I would say 80% of that "teaching experience" Is at volunteer centers run by the recruiters in their countries. They need childcare hours to be approved so they have them volunteer at the drop-in childcare centers for that experience. It's a win win.
Do your homework on the recruiters and the experience before you hire an aupair. Their hours are most likely inflated.
Anonymous
07/12/2021 16:27
Subject: How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
Aupairs do not have any experience juggling children of different ages. Their "experience" is often at centers where they are not the only adult on duty and get multiple breaks. If they do have babysitting experience, it's usually family members and they don't need to be the disciplinarian or the one to schedule things. Some aupairs just have the ability to do so, but most do not.
I would try the schedule, but if it's like my last two aupairs, forget it about having it followed. Simply hope that the kids are alive, clean and the house is still standing when you return.
We had a mixed bag of aupair experiences. If it isn't better by now, it usually doesn't improve much. They simply rematch to a family who doesn't expect them to actually do anything.
I would try the schedule, but if it's like my last two aupairs, forget it about having it followed. Simply hope that the kids are alive, clean and the house is still standing when you return.
We had a mixed bag of aupair experiences. If it isn't better by now, it usually doesn't improve much. They simply rematch to a family who doesn't expect them to actually do anything.
Anonymous
07/08/2021 00:10
Subject: Re:How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
We hang a daily schedule on the window for our AP with similar aged kids. Things like “breakfast” “park” “yoga” etc. bought the cards on Etsy and laminated ourselves. It’s been helpful at getting ours to get outside with the kids every morning.we also require the oldest do quiet time so everyone gets a break
Anonymous
05/12/2021 12:20
Subject: How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
Anonymous wrote:I'm trying to gauge what kind of expectations are reasonable for how much others' APs engage with the kids they watch? how good are they at cleaning up after the kids? I appreciate this is not to be compared with a professional nanny, but I want to get a sense of what is reasonable to expect? I know a few friends with APs who are fabulous and super engaging with their kids, but not sure if that's the exception or the norm.
For context, our AP is watching our 4 year old and 10 month old since January. She only watches the 4 year old 3 days a week, other two days are just the 10 month old. On days she watches both, she mostly carries around the baby, and leaves the 4 year old to play by himself all day. We've repeatedly given her craft kits, games, toys etc we've ask her to do with our 4 year old, and given her suggestions of outdoor activities to take both kids, but it rarely happens and she shows no initiative in engaging the kids. On days she watches just the baby, we've given her the Lovevery kits which guide her through activities and provide all the necessary toys for activities, but she'll do it once and then put it aside and never touch it again.
Especially based on her profile (preschool teacher before coming over while finishing masters, profile talked about how excited she is to engage and teach kids, play games, sing songs, play legos, play board games, make believe etc) and her interview where she talked about how much she loved engaging and playing with kids, and gave all these great examples of what she'd love to do with our kids, this is not what we expected. When we broach the subject, she will do precisely what we ask and only that for a day, and then it goes back to the status quo of no engagement with our kids. The 4 yo started saying he doesn't like her because she doesn't pay attention or ever play with him. She also sucks at cleaning up after the kids (putting toys away at the end of the day, cleaning up when they make a mess eating etc), but they are otherwise safe and fed.
Also if anyone has suggestions, happy to take them. We've had a few conversations with her about this to be upfront with expectations, but it does not seem to be making a dent.
(and for all those who are worried we are being unfair or not treating her well, she has a huge room with a private bathroom and her own mini kitchen on a floor of the house we don't use after 7 pm to give her privacy, we have done everything we can to make her feel comfortable while away from home, including buying books and food she likes, planning family outings on weekends around her interests, giving her a lot of leeway including breaking certain house rules to support her new-found love, and taking her to touristy things around DC to extent we can in COVID times to ensure she's getting to see the city).
.
Is she a good roommate? Is she respectful?
If the 4 year old is bored or doesn't like her, that is what will make this situation or break it. Your 4 year old deserves someone who can engage with her too. If your AP is not a kid-person by nature and this was a way to move to the US than your 4 year old does not deserve a crappy year because a 20-something wanted to travel and live here. I would put some solid expectations in writing and then explain that you like her, but that you need to see some consistent effort to make this work on her part.
Anonymous
05/11/2021 07:14
Subject: How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
I have a 3 year old and if I had to spend all day every day with her, I would go out of my mind. It is a joy, but also a lot of work. Our AP spends a lot of times organizing activities- but you have the power of the purse. I constantly send links to petting zoos, fruit orchards, free and pay museums, pop-up art classes m, etc. - and then I suggest she pick one a week to go to. We subscribe to 3 craft/holiday kits. I make dough (pizza, bread, pasta, cookie) once a week and encourage her to bake. The AP has her outside most days in parks at least 1.5 hours. We pay for gas wherever she wants to take her.
Anonymous
05/10/2021 22:29
Subject: How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
I also agree that it SHOULD NOT be hard to entertain a 10 month old and 4 year old.... That is not a tough gig, it should be fun and full of joy!!! Those ages are amazing!!! So little to keep both involved, sensory activities, finger painting, stick stacking/playing, rolling balls, water play, blocks, nature walks, ice play, Gathering cicadas, any and everything!!! Dont let her get lazy, make a schedule and check in nightly to see how it went. If she didn't do it, ask why and what resources she needs to help her get it done. Just like your boss expects things from you, you are a to expect these things from her.
She should be able to do all this without kids classes, etc. Also, I had a crappy au pair who claimed she was a teacher but I wonder how many of them lie about that. She had no clue how to engage my kids.
She should be able to do all this without kids classes, etc. Also, I had a crappy au pair who claimed she was a teacher but I wonder how many of them lie about that. She had no clue how to engage my kids.
Anonymous
05/10/2021 19:52
Subject: Re:How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
Thanks to everyone for the suggestions!
The overwhelming consensus is that I should try proceeding with a more detailed weekly schedule, and setting that on Sundays before the week. I'm going all in on that approach, so I hope it works! For the baby, she is actually very interactive and loves playing (knocking over blocks, chasing remote control cars, taking things in and out of anything, etc.) Based on these suggestions, I'll start setting out certain toys in the morning for her to play with and ask the au pair to engage with those with her each day. And thanks for the classes suggestion! Once she's able to drive, I fully intend to sign the kiddos up for classes, and give her destination playgrounds to take the kids! (despite having driven in her home country, she has failed her written drivers test a couple times but just passed and is on her way to a driver's license--I hope!).
And to the person who commented about her not being a nanny - see my original post where I say "I appreciate this is not to be compared with a professional nanny, but I want to get a sense of what is reasonable to expect?". I'm not asking for anything more than what is reasonable in this context.
The overwhelming consensus is that I should try proceeding with a more detailed weekly schedule, and setting that on Sundays before the week. I'm going all in on that approach, so I hope it works! For the baby, she is actually very interactive and loves playing (knocking over blocks, chasing remote control cars, taking things in and out of anything, etc.) Based on these suggestions, I'll start setting out certain toys in the morning for her to play with and ask the au pair to engage with those with her each day. And thanks for the classes suggestion! Once she's able to drive, I fully intend to sign the kiddos up for classes, and give her destination playgrounds to take the kids! (despite having driven in her home country, she has failed her written drivers test a couple times but just passed and is on her way to a driver's license--I hope!).
And to the person who commented about her not being a nanny - see my original post where I say "I appreciate this is not to be compared with a professional nanny, but I want to get a sense of what is reasonable to expect?". I'm not asking for anything more than what is reasonable in this context.
Anonymous
05/10/2021 10:48
Subject: How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
If she hasn't changed yet after all the times you've tried it's time to bring in the LCC but plan on heading to rematch if you don't want to settle for what you have now.
I had one lackluster AP that couldn't/wouldn't be proactive and despite so many conversations/examples/schedules/etc I couldn't get her to markedly improve for more than a few days at a time. The kids were safe and it was during the pandemic that all of this really came to light so I just waited it out until she left last June. She wanted to extend but we gave that a hard no.
New AP is a rock star that engages, plans ahead, keeps on top of everything, out organizes me, etc. It's really incredible and we are so lucky to have her, so glad we didn't extend with our last AP.
I had one lackluster AP that couldn't/wouldn't be proactive and despite so many conversations/examples/schedules/etc I couldn't get her to markedly improve for more than a few days at a time. The kids were safe and it was during the pandemic that all of this really came to light so I just waited it out until she left last June. She wanted to extend but we gave that a hard no.
New AP is a rock star that engages, plans ahead, keeps on top of everything, out organizes me, etc. It's really incredible and we are so lucky to have her, so glad we didn't extend with our last AP.
Anonymous
05/10/2021 10:32
Subject: Re:How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
It is not that hard to entertain a 10 month old and a 4 year old when it is only for a few hours a day.
Op - I had a similar problem and got to the point where I wrote out a schedule that included 'play playdough, make a craft, do zumba, play bubbles outside). The baby is probably old enough to sit up and will be entertained by watching the older sibling.
Op - I had a similar problem and got to the point where I wrote out a schedule that included 'play playdough, make a craft, do zumba, play bubbles outside). The baby is probably old enough to sit up and will be entertained by watching the older sibling.
Anonymous
05/10/2021 09:07
Subject: How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
OP - I agree with what others are suggesting - this is a tough gig for your AP to keep the two kids entertained.
How about signing the 10 month old up for a class or two to have a destination and activity each day?
For the four year old, maybe try to create a little bonding space where its just the two of them? Like take the 10 month old for one day so they have time to do something on HIS schedule? I wonder if there is some dynamic where he (understandably) feels a little jealous of the baby?
You have good suggestions above re: a detailed schedule. If you add some classes/schedule activities you will feel better that kids are getting stimulation...
One thing that has worked for us is our Gym has classes and we have been able to figure out a schedule where the AP can take the little one to the baby pool or some other activity while the older one is in the class. This might be an idea?
Also, I would focus on the activities/bonding more than the cleaning up - once things are going better with the kids, you can tackle the cleaning up. One trick could be to ask her to have the 4 yo clean up his own toys - she can "teach" him how to do this which is a good idea anyway
Good luck!
How about signing the 10 month old up for a class or two to have a destination and activity each day?
For the four year old, maybe try to create a little bonding space where its just the two of them? Like take the 10 month old for one day so they have time to do something on HIS schedule? I wonder if there is some dynamic where he (understandably) feels a little jealous of the baby?
You have good suggestions above re: a detailed schedule. If you add some classes/schedule activities you will feel better that kids are getting stimulation...
One thing that has worked for us is our Gym has classes and we have been able to figure out a schedule where the AP can take the little one to the baby pool or some other activity while the older one is in the class. This might be an idea?
Also, I would focus on the activities/bonding more than the cleaning up - once things are going better with the kids, you can tackle the cleaning up. One trick could be to ask her to have the 4 yo clean up his own toys - she can "teach" him how to do this which is a good idea anyway
Good luck!
Anonymous
05/10/2021 06:46
Subject: Re:How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
Hi OP,
I am sorry that this is hard. I suggest making a schedule and spelling out when and what activities you envision. Go over the schedule on Sunday evening and see how it goes. Watching 10mo and 4yo is hard. So I would not expect too many joint activities on those days, other than taking the kids to the playground where the baby can nap and the 4yo can run around. However, I would spell out what to do with the 4yo while the baby naps. I would also add clean-up to the schedule. I agree that with her credentials you should be able to expect more, but give a schedule a try and see how it goes. If things don’t improve, you may be heading for a rematch. It is also possible that your AP is looking for an easier gig already, which is why she behaves the way she does.
Good luck!
I am sorry that this is hard. I suggest making a schedule and spelling out when and what activities you envision. Go over the schedule on Sunday evening and see how it goes. Watching 10mo and 4yo is hard. So I would not expect too many joint activities on those days, other than taking the kids to the playground where the baby can nap and the 4yo can run around. However, I would spell out what to do with the 4yo while the baby naps. I would also add clean-up to the schedule. I agree that with her credentials you should be able to expect more, but give a schedule a try and see how it goes. If things don’t improve, you may be heading for a rematch. It is also possible that your AP is looking for an easier gig already, which is why she behaves the way she does.
Good luck!
Anonymous
05/09/2021 23:22
Subject: Re:How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
How much do you really expect your 10mo to engage with kits?! Also, yes, there’s a certain amount of clean up for the infant at mealtime, but you clean up should be as simple as picking up 2-3 balls, a few blocks, a mat, etc.
The 4yo should be cleaning up for themself. This AP has never had experience with an infant and a preschooler (Preschool classrooms have a cohort within an age range. Even Montessori won’t put a 10mo and a 4yo in the same class.), and you’re expecting her to know how to balance needs.
Write a schedule around the baby’s meals and naps. Your 4yo plays independently while the baby is awake, then she has an activity or kit for the baby’s naptime. Your 4yo is old enough to have verbal reminders of what to clean up from their play or activity while she diapers, soothes and/or feeds the baby.
Please stop expecting an AP to be a nanny.
The 4yo should be cleaning up for themself. This AP has never had experience with an infant and a preschooler (Preschool classrooms have a cohort within an age range. Even Montessori won’t put a 10mo and a 4yo in the same class.), and you’re expecting her to know how to balance needs.
Write a schedule around the baby’s meals and naps. Your 4yo plays independently while the baby is awake, then she has an activity or kit for the baby’s naptime. Your 4yo is old enough to have verbal reminders of what to clean up from their play or activity while she diapers, soothes and/or feeds the baby.
Please stop expecting an AP to be a nanny.
Anonymous
05/09/2021 21:36
Subject: How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
If you've already had multiple conversations with her, then it's time to bring in your LCC. It sounds like she's checked out. Ours was like this right before she decided to go back home. I would be less concerned about the cleaning up (annoying, but that can be fixed) than the not engaging with your kids. For the cleaning up, you may want to think about scheduling her for 20 minutes longer than you normally would--you take over wth the kids, and make it clear on her schedule that that is when she is expected to clean up.
For the activities, you may want to consider scheduling those too.
For the activities, you may want to consider scheduling those too.
Anonymous
05/09/2021 21:00
Subject: How much does your AP engage and proactively plan activities with your kids?
I'm trying to gauge what kind of expectations are reasonable for how much others' APs engage with the kids they watch? how good are they at cleaning up after the kids? I appreciate this is not to be compared with a professional nanny, but I want to get a sense of what is reasonable to expect? I know a few friends with APs who are fabulous and super engaging with their kids, but not sure if that's the exception or the norm.
For context, our AP is watching our 4 year old and 10 month old since January. She only watches the 4 year old 3 days a week, other two days are just the 10 month old. On days she watches both, she mostly carries around the baby, and leaves the 4 year old to play by himself all day. We've repeatedly given her craft kits, games, toys etc we've ask her to do with our 4 year old, and given her suggestions of outdoor activities to take both kids, but it rarely happens and she shows no initiative in engaging the kids. On days she watches just the baby, we've given her the Lovevery kits which guide her through activities and provide all the necessary toys for activities, but she'll do it once and then put it aside and never touch it again.
Especially based on her profile (preschool teacher before coming over while finishing masters, profile talked about how excited she is to engage and teach kids, play games, sing songs, play legos, play board games, make believe etc) and her interview where she talked about how much she loved engaging and playing with kids, and gave all these great examples of what she'd love to do with our kids, this is not what we expected. When we broach the subject, she will do precisely what we ask and only that for a day, and then it goes back to the status quo of no engagement with our kids. The 4 yo started saying he doesn't like her because she doesn't pay attention or ever play with him. She also sucks at cleaning up after the kids (putting toys away at the end of the day, cleaning up when they make a mess eating etc), but they are otherwise safe and fed.
Also if anyone has suggestions, happy to take them. We've had a few conversations with her about this to be upfront with expectations, but it does not seem to be making a dent.
(and for all those who are worried we are being unfair or not treating her well, she has a huge room with a private bathroom and her own mini kitchen on a floor of the house we don't use after 7 pm to give her privacy, we have done everything we can to make her feel comfortable while away from home, including buying books and food she likes, planning family outings on weekends around her interests, giving her a lot of leeway including breaking certain house rules to support her new-found love, and taking her to touristy things around DC to extent we can in COVID times to ensure she's getting to see the city).
For context, our AP is watching our 4 year old and 10 month old since January. She only watches the 4 year old 3 days a week, other two days are just the 10 month old. On days she watches both, she mostly carries around the baby, and leaves the 4 year old to play by himself all day. We've repeatedly given her craft kits, games, toys etc we've ask her to do with our 4 year old, and given her suggestions of outdoor activities to take both kids, but it rarely happens and she shows no initiative in engaging the kids. On days she watches just the baby, we've given her the Lovevery kits which guide her through activities and provide all the necessary toys for activities, but she'll do it once and then put it aside and never touch it again.
Especially based on her profile (preschool teacher before coming over while finishing masters, profile talked about how excited she is to engage and teach kids, play games, sing songs, play legos, play board games, make believe etc) and her interview where she talked about how much she loved engaging and playing with kids, and gave all these great examples of what she'd love to do with our kids, this is not what we expected. When we broach the subject, she will do precisely what we ask and only that for a day, and then it goes back to the status quo of no engagement with our kids. The 4 yo started saying he doesn't like her because she doesn't pay attention or ever play with him. She also sucks at cleaning up after the kids (putting toys away at the end of the day, cleaning up when they make a mess eating etc), but they are otherwise safe and fed.
Also if anyone has suggestions, happy to take them. We've had a few conversations with her about this to be upfront with expectations, but it does not seem to be making a dent.
(and for all those who are worried we are being unfair or not treating her well, she has a huge room with a private bathroom and her own mini kitchen on a floor of the house we don't use after 7 pm to give her privacy, we have done everything we can to make her feel comfortable while away from home, including buying books and food she likes, planning family outings on weekends around her interests, giving her a lot of leeway including breaking certain house rules to support her new-found love, and taking her to touristy things around DC to extent we can in COVID times to ensure she's getting to see the city).