Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a wonderful person. You should be so proud of her.

She really is, we're really lucky to have this time with her.

+1

And OP you sound very caring as well. Happy New Year wishing you and your family health and happiness!

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a wonderful person. You should be so proud of her.

+1
This was my thought as well.

Anonymous wrote:She sounds like a wonderful person. You should be so proud of her.

She really is, we're really lucky to have this time with her.

Anonymous wrote:Jenna, we want to review how things are going. You are doing a great job, but we are concerned that you are doing more than you need to and will burn out. You know that your hours are ONLY from 8am - 2pm, right? So if you're going to walk the dog you absolutely do NOT need to invite Larla when it's after 2pm. It's awesome if you want to spend time cousin-to-cousin, but I just want to be clear that we don't expect that of you, okay? Also, if one of the kids has been given a job or task, please just encourage them to do it, but don't do it for them. It's important that they do their tasks.

+1. Also give lots of praise.

Jenna, we want to review how things are going. You are doing a great job, but we are concerned that you are doing more than you need to and will burn out. You know that your hours are ONLY from 8am - 2pm, right? So if you're going to walk the dog you absolutely do NOT need to invite Larla when it's after 2pm. It's awesome if you want to spend time cousin-to-cousin, but I just want to be clear that we don't expect that of you, okay? Also, if one of the kids has been given a job or task, please just encourage them to do it, but don't do it for them. It's important that they do their tasks.

Put the job description on paper. "Jill, we thought it would be helpful to approach this the way we would with someone who isn't a family member. You deserve to be treated as professionally as anyone else."

Then put on paper the scope of work, the compensation, the expectations, and the plan to periodically assess/discuss/revise based on how things go.

If you don't demonstrate clarity and specificity you can't expect good results. Treat it like a job and model that for her.

She sounds like a wonderful person. You should be so proud of her.

Btdt, at least the nanny portion of the situation.

“Hey Larla, it’s really important to us that the kids do their own chores. Kiddo 13 usually washes the dishes after his class. I understand that you’re trying to be helpful, but we need him to contribute to the household and understand that nobody will be there later to do everything for him.”

If she decides to walk the dog, then invites kiddo 10 to come along, that’s different. Especially during covid, live-in nannies are in such a weird spot. Normally we have our own social lives, but all of the live-ins I know are bubbling with just the family. At thing point, I go sit by the lego pile in the evening; the kids know I’m not on duty, but at least I have conversation instead of sitting in my room!

She's both, and the specific issue which is setting boundaries with someone who you pay to watch your children is a nanny issue, not a family issue.

She’s family and not a nanny. You should repost on the Family Relationship forum.

A college age family member decided to do school online this year due to covid so my sister and I hired her to be our nanny. Originally she was living with my sister, because they have a much bigger house, and my kids would go over there midday. But my sister didn’t do a good job of setting boundaries and her kids were constantly interrupting, or my sister would say “do you mind putting them to bed?” and she ended up working lots of unpaid hours.

So over Christmas we decided that she would come stay with us, and go over to my sister’s for the hours when she’s working. My kids are older, and I think we have better boundaries, or at least I thought we did.

But already, in just a few days, I’m seeing a pattern where she steps in and does things unasked, and I worry that we are going to see a pattern where she ends up feeling taken advantage of here too.

For example, my 13 year old has virtual math tutoring at 8:00 every day. One of his job is to do the breakfast dishes, and he usually leaves them in the sink and washes them when he’s done at 9:00. But the past two mornings she’s done them before he gets the chance. That’s just one example, but there have been others. She’s also choosing to spend a lot of time with my kids, and I can’t really tell if that’s because she wants company, or because she thinks they need company. My kids are older so it’s not exactly caregiving that she’s doing, but more hanging out together. Like she’ll decide she wants to walk the dog, and invite my 10 year along.

Any suggestions on how to set some boundaries to protect her from feeling used?